Fillmore East: June 1971

Frank zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley dunbar (drums)
Jim pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don preston (mini-moog)

I've got the thing you need
I am endowed beyound your wildest
Clearasil-spattered fantasies, oh oh oh..

Girls from all over the world
Love to write my name on the toilet walls
At the whisky a go go
For i am bwana dik
I am bwana dik
Me bwana dik
Me bwana dik

My dick is a monster
Give me your heart
My dick is a harley
You kick it to start

(chorus line)
When bwana dik speaks
The heavens will part

My dick is a dagger
I'll force it to fit
My dick is a reamer, baby
To scream up your slit

Steam it!
Ream it!
Cream it!

Frank zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley dunbar (drums)
Jim pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don preston (mini-moog)

Oooh!
Tears began to fall,
The writings on the wall
there is nothing I can say
(she took the) car and drove away
And now i'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own

I said my tears began to fall
Cryin' i've no love at all
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Down my shirt
'cause i feel so hurt
Since my baby drove away

Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
Tears began to fall
Ayayayaaaa...

And now i'm sittin' here all alone
Without no love of my own,
Without no love of my own
Without no love of my own

Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall
Tears began to fall and fall and fall
down my shirt
'cause i feel so hurt
Since my baby drove away

Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah
Tears began to fall,
Tears began to fall
Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-waaah

Frank zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley dunbar (drums)
Jim pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don preston (mini-moog)

Mud sh-sh-shark

The mud shark dancing lesson!

Mud sh-sh-shark
We're gonna do a little dancing,
A little dancing thing called the mud shark
Now, this dance started up in seattle

Lemme tell you 'bout the mud shark...
The origins of the mud shark are as follows: there's a motel in seattle, washington called the edgewater inn. the edgewater inn's built on a pier.. so that means that when you look out your wind
U don't see any dirt -- it's got a bay or something out in your backyard,,, and to make it even more interesting, in the lobby of the aforementioned motel there's a bait and tackle shop where th
Idents can go down whenever they want to, and rent a fishing pole and some preserved minnows and schlep back up to their rooms, open the window, stick their little pole outside and within a few
Es actually catch a fish of some sort that they can bring into their motel room and do whatever they want with it... you know what i mean? now in this bay there's quite a variety of ah... fish!
Nly do they have mud sharks up there, they got little octopusses that you can catch. and all these denizens of the deep can come in real handy... let's say you were a travelling rock and roll ba
Lled the vanilla fudge. let's
Say one night you checked into the edgewater inn motel with a 8mm movie camera, enough money to rent a pole, and just to make it more interesting -- a succulent young lady (mnaaaah!) with a tas
R the bizarre... my mind drifts back to a meeting, a chance meeting in the chicago o'hare airport where the members of the vanilla fudge told don preston about a home movie they made at the edge
Inn with a mud shark. i'm gonna tell you, this dance, the mud shark, is sweeping the ocean!...

Out
You go out
So far out
You do the mud shark. baby ... etc

Frank zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley dunbar (drums)
Jim pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob harris (keyboards, vocals)
Don preston (mini-moog)

You are... you gotta tell me something... i mean, seriously, i'm tellin' you this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and i have ever met anybody really from hollywood... i mean, really
Y girlfriend jim, and ian, and aynsley, and bob, and frank... i mean, none of us...

Pleased to meet you...

Hi howie

We never met a pop star from hollywood... tell me something: have you ever met davey jones? or bobby sherman?

No.. no, i ..

I mean... david cassady, he's so...

Jimmy greenspoon, once i...

Three dog night?!!

Yeah...

Oh! i love them! they're my favorite band!.. ow gawd.. oh, do you like my new car? i'm ah.. my dad just gave it to me for graduation..

Ah yeaah?!! i'ts a ... it's a fillmore, isn't it? real futuristic, ah.. i dig the fins... listen: do you know how to get to the ah hollywood inn from here?

No, ah.. which one is it?

(burp) excuse me. it's the one by the airport... you know... cause we gotta get up early an'.. fly outta here in the morning, y'know...

Oh, i didn't know that... where do you guys play tomorrow night? i mean, i'd like to come maybe... in your bus or somethin'...

Yeah?..

(voice in background):
In the bus!

Come in the bus, huh?... tomorrow we're in ah, let's see... tierra del fuego...

Ook! you're so professional, howie!

Oh, it's not... it's nothing...

Howie, i mean, the way you gettin' tp-tp to play, an all these exotic places, i mean...

Yeah

Tell me something.. tell me and my girl-... tell me: do you really have a hit record... on the charts now?... with a bullet? ... i mean that's really important to me...

Listen, honey: would i lie to you just to get in your pants?

He-het! listen! hey, listen to me tellin' ya: we are not groupies!

Naw, i never.. i never said...

We are not groupies! you better understand that!.. i told robert planet, i told elton john, i told all those big guys...

Robert planet?!

We are not groupies!

No, i never..

Roger daltrey never laid a hand on me!

Yaw.. it's obvious to see why... listen, i never...

(2nd non-groupie):
Howie..

(1st non-groupie):
Tell him! tell him right now!

(2nd non-groupie):
We only like musicians for f-friends. you know?

(voices in back):
Real straight arrow, howie, really... just for friends, howie...

(2nd non-groupie):
But we still like you yeah.. we wouldn't mind coming in your bus, but..

(2nd non-groupie):
I mean, we still want to hear your record...

Listen you chicks!now didn' .. didn't you just say that you got off bein' juked with a baby octopus and spewed upon with cream corn? an' that your hair-lipped dyke-o bass-playing girlfriend on t
Ckseat had to have it with a yoo-hoo bottle or she went apeshit?!..

Ooooh..

What's the deal, baby? come on..

Howie! howie, lissen yo me... all that's true..

Come across..

All that's true, and sometimes i even dig it with a doctor brown's cream soda... or a cel-ray!... but! we are not groupies! no matter what you think...

No, i never...

We are not groupies..

You see, there seems to be some kind of a communication problem, honey... because i... i am a lonely guy from outta town, y'know an'... an' i want some action... what i'm talkin' about is, i wan
A-a-steaming... succulent... ever-widening, gooey, drippy, runny kind of a hole with a... with... how shall i put this... what say we hop in the trunk of your gremlin an' get our rocks off...

Hey! hey-hey-hey-heyyyy.... jesus!...

(voice in back):
I'm in this band, man...

(voice up front):
Very agile, howie, very agile...

(voice in back):
I am in this band no matter what we do up here... it's all...

Now lissen! it just so happend... tonight me and my girlfriends, i mean, we've all come here for one thing tonight...

Yeah?

Looking for a guy... and we're looking for a guy from a group

Wow

But he's gotta have a dick!

Waaah!

And he's gotta have a dick that's a monster!!

Waaaaaaaah!... that's me!! that's me! ooh! ... oooohh, you voluptouns manhattan island clit.. take me... i'm yours, you hole... fulfill my... wildest... dreams!....

Ooooh! anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive... pop star of a man... picture this if you can: bead jobs! knotted nylons! bamboo canes! three unreleased recordings of crosby, stills, nas
Young fighting in the dressing-room of the fillmore east! why, 'n enchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shook up and down in between a donkey's legs until he can't it stand anymore! all this and
Howie! including! an electric coolde pony harness, with fuel injection... fuel injection... fuel injection...

Oooh! my god, i ... i ... i can't stand it!... i mean... i mean, dou you understand the implications of what i'm saying? i can't stand it!!! i can't stand it !! i can't stand it!! oh no!!... oh
D... i'm going home! i'm gonna see my baby... (etc) i really can't stand it... please... give it to me... give it to me right here in the trunk of your gremlin.. give me... give me the enchilada
The pickles sauce shoved up between a donkey's ass until he can't come anymore!...

Hey-hey! haha! not until you sing me your big hit record!... and i want to hear the big hit record, and i wanna hear it now, an' i wanna hear the big hit record now with a bullet! with a bullet!


The bullet?

The bullet! the bullet! i'ts the part that gets me the hottest... hehe!.. now sing me that record, and i wanna hear it right now or you ain't driving nowhere tonight, buddy...

Well, i know when i'm licked... all over.... okay, baby: bend over and spread 'em!... here comes my... bullet!!

(all sing happy together)