The Slim Shady LP

Artist: eminem f/ frogg
* the only difference is that the album version censors
The line "raped the women's swim team" in the third verse

Intro: frogg

Whoah!
A get your hands in the air, and get to clappin 'em
And like, back and forth because ah
This is.. what you thought it wasn't
It beez.. the brothers representin' the dirty dozen
I be the f-r-o the double g *coughing in background*
And check out the man he goes by the name of er...

Verse one: eminem

Slim shady, brain dead like jim brady
I'm a m80, you lil' like that kim lady
I'm buzzin, dirty dozen, naughty rotten rhymer
Cursin at you players worse than marty schottenheimer
You wacker than the motherfucker you bit your style from
You ain't gonna sell two copies if you press a double album
Admit it, fuck it, while we comin out in the open
I'm doin acid, crack, smack, coke and smokin dope then
My name is marshall mathers, i'm an alcoholic (hi marshall)
I have a disease and they don't know what to call it
Better hide your wallet cause i'm comin up quick to strip your cash
Bought a ticket to your concert just to come and whip your ass
Bitch, i'm comin out swingin, so fast it'll make your eyes spin
You gettin knocked the fuck out like mike tyson
The proof is in the puddin, just ask the shawn holman
I'll slit your motherfuckin throat worse than ron goldman

Chorus:

So when you see me on your block with two glocks
Screamin _fuck the world_ like tupac
I just don't give a fuuuuuck!!
Talkin that shit behind my back, dirty mackin
Tellin your boys that i'm on crack
I just don't give a fuuuuuck!!
So put my tape back on the rack
Go run and tell your friends my shit is wack
I just don't give a fuuuuuck!!
But see me on the street and duck
Cause you gon' get stuck, stoned, and snuffed
Cause i just don't give a fuuuuuck!!

Verse two: eminem

I'm nicer than pete, but i'm on a serch to crush a miilkbone
I'm everlast-ing, i melt vanilla ice like silicone
I'm ill enough to just straight up diss you for no reason
I'm colder than snow season when it's twenty below freezin
Flavor with no seasonin, this is the sneak preview
I'll diss your magazine and still won't get a weak review
I'll make your freak leave you, smell the folgers crystals
This is a lyrical combat, gentlemen hold your pistols
But i form like voltron and blast you with my shoulder missiles
Slim shady, eminem was the old initials (bye-bye!)
Extortion, snortin, supportin abortion
Pathological liar, blowin shit out of proportion
The looniest, zaniest, spontaneous, sporadic
Impulsive thinker, compulsive drinker, addict
Half animal, half man
Dumpin your dead body inside of a fuckin trash can
With more holes than an afghan

Chorus

Verse three: eminem

Somebody let me out this limousine (hey, let me out!)
I'm a caged demon, on stage screamin like rage against the machine
I'm convinced i'm a fiend, shootin up while this record is spinnin
Clinically brain dead, i don't need a second opinion
Fuck droppin the jaw, i'm flippin the sacred treasure
I'll bite your motherfuckin style, just to make it fresher
I can't take the pressure, i'm sick of bitches
Sick of naggin bosses bitchin while i'm washin dishes
In school i never said much, too busy havin a headrush
Doin too much rush had my face flushed like red blush
Then i went to jim beam, that's when my face grayed
Went to gym in eighth grade, raped the women's swim team
Don't take me for a joke i'm no comedian
Too many mental problems got me snortin coke and smokin weed again
I'm goin up over the curb, drivin on the median
Finally made it home, but i don't got the key to get in

Chorus

Outro: eminem

Hey, fuck that!
Outsidaz..
Pace one..
Young zee..

Artist: eminem f/ royce da five-nine
[intro]

[cowboy]
I reckon you ain't familiar with these here parts
You know, there's a story behind that there saloon
Twenty years ago, two outlaws took this whole town over
Sheriffs couldn't stop em
Quickest damn gun slingers i've ever seen
Got murdered in cold blood
That ol' saloon there was their lil' home away from home
They say the ghosts of bad and evil still live in that tavern
And on a quiet night
You can still hear the footsteps of slim shady and royce da five-nine

[eminem]
I don't speak, i float in the air wrapped in a sheet
I'm not a real person, i'm a ghost trapped in a beat
I translate when my voice is read through a sismograph
And a noise is bred, picked up and transmitted through royce's head (aahhh)
Trapped him in his room, possessed him and hoist his bed
Till the evilness flows through his blood like poisonous lead
Told him each one of his boys is dead
I asked him to come to the dark side, he made a choice and said

[royce]
Who hard? yo i done heard worse
We can get in two cars and accelerate at each other
To see which one'll swerve first
Two blind bandits panic, whose mental capacity holds
That of a globe on top of nine other planets
Kissed the cheek of the devil
Intelligence level is hell-ier than treble peakin on speakers in the ghetto
Dismissal, i'm not a fair man, disgraced the race of a atheist
Intercepting missles wit my bare hands like a patriot
One track sliced without swords, i buried the christ corpse
In my past life when the black knight mounted the white horse
And stay over-worked, its like the nazis in the nations
Collaborating, attemptin to take over the earth

[eminem]
Cuz this is what happens when bad meets evil
We hit the trees till we look like vietnamese people
He's evil, and i'm bad like steve segal
Above the law cuz i don't agree wit police either (shit, me neither)
We ain't eager to be legal
So please leave me wit the keys to your jeep eagle
I breathe ether in three amounts
When i stab myself in the knee with a diseased needle
Releasin rage on anybody in squeezing range
Cold enough to make the seasons change into freezing rain
(he's insane) no i'm not, i just want to shoot up and i'm pissed off
Cuz i can't find a decent vain

[royce]
The disaster wit dreds
I'm bad enough to commit suicide and survive long enough
To kill my soul after i'm dead
When in danger it's funny actually my flavor's similar to a waiter
Cuz i serve any stranger wit money
I spray a hundred, man until they joint chains
While slippin bullets at point blank range like they was punches
Piss on a flag and burn it, murder you then come to your funeral
Serve this lobbyist, strangle your body then confirm you
Whippin human ass, throwin blows crackin jaws
Wit my fists wrapped in gause, dipped in glue and glass
I'm blazin mc's, at the same time amazin mc's
Somehow mc's ain't that eye-brow raisin to me
>from all of angles of us, flash a mack loud enough to cast a avalanche
And bust till volcanoes errupt

[interlude]
*phone rings*
Hello? (billy) aiyyo what's up (we're comin to get you)
Stop, they know it's us!!

[eminem]
I used to be a loudmouth, remember me? (uh-ah)
I'm the one who burned your house down (oh)
Well i'm out now (shit), and this time i'm comin back to blow your house up
And i ain't gon leave you a window to jump out of
Give me two fat tabs and three shrooms
And you won't see me like fat people in steam rooms
And when i go to hell and i'm gettin ready to leave
I'ma put air in a bag and charge people to breathe

[royce] (eminem)
Cuz this is what happens when bad meets evil
And we hit the trees till we look like vietnamese people
He's evil, and i'm bad like steve segal
Against peaceful, see you in hell for the sequel
(we'll be waitin) see you in hell
Wall street, royce da five-nine, slim shady
See you in hell for the sequel (bye bye)
Bad meets evil, what? (till next time)

[cowboy]
And so that's the story when bad meets evil
Two of the most wanted individuals in the county
Made jesse james and billy the kid look like law-abiding citizens
It's too bad they had to go out the way they did
Got shot in the back comin out of that ol' saloon
But their spirits still live on till this day
Shhh...[spits] wait, did y'all hear that?
[footsteps and windblowing]

em, what's goin' on?, this is paul rosenburg here, faithful attourney o' law.
Listen, i er listened to the rough copy, of, your album and, er, you know, i
Just gotta be honest with you, er, could you turn it down a little bit because,
There's only so much i can explain.

[girl] hmm-hmm-hmhmhmmhm.. ahhh, whooooo!! shit
[em] yo, mic check
Testing one, two, um... twelve
(whattup whattup whattup.. outsidaz)
[em] this is my dance song (outsidaz)
Can you hear me?
(rah digga, pacewon, young zee)
[em] aight, ay turn my headphones up
(bust it bust it)

[eminem]
My favoite color is red, like the blood shed
From kurt cobain's head, when he shot himself dead
Women all grabbin at my shishkabob
Bought lauryn hill's tape so her kids could starve
(i can't stand white people!)
You thought i was livid, now i'm even more so
Shit i got full blown aids and a sore throat
I got a wardrobe with an orange robe {*wolf whistle*}
I'm in the fourth row, signin autographs at your show
(yo can you sign this right here?)
I just remembered that i'm absent minded
Wait, i mean i've lost my mind, i can't find it
I'm freestylin every verse that i spit
Cause i don't even remember the words to my shit (umm, one two)
I told the doc i need a change in sickness
And gave a girl herpes in exchange for syphilis
Put my lp on your christmas gift list
You wanna get high, here bitch just sniff this

Cum on everybody -- get down tonight (8x)

[eminem]
Yo.. yo yo yo yo
I tried suicide once and i'll try it again
That's why i write songs where i die at the end
Cause i don't give a fuck, like my middle finger was stuck
And i was wavin it at everybody screamin, "i suck" (i suck!!!)
I go on stage in front of a sellout crowd
And yell out loud, "all y'all get the hell out now"
Fuck rap, i'm givin it up y'all, i'm sorry
(but eminem this is your record release party!)
I'm bored out of my gourd -- so i took a hammer
And nailed my foot to the floorboard of my ford
Guess i'm just a sick sick bastard
Who's one sandwich short of a picnic basket (i ain't got it all)
One excederin tablet short of a full medicine cabinet
I feel like my head has been shredded like lettuce and cabbage
(ohhhhhhh) and if you ever see a video for this shit
I'll probably be dressed up like a mummy with my wrists slit

Cum on everybody -- get down tonight (8x)

[eminem]
Got bitches on my jock out in east detroit
Cause they think that i'm a motherfuckin beastie boy {*wolf whistle*}
So i told em i was mike d
They was like, "gee i don't know, he might be!"
I told em, "meet me at kid rock's next concert
I'll be standin by the loch ness monster (okay) peace out (bye!!)"
Then i jetted to the weed house
Smoked out til i started bustin freestyles
Broke out then i dipped quick back to the crib, put on lipstick
Crushed up the tylenol and ate it with a dipstick (*slurping*}
Made a couple of crank calls collect [*brrrrrrring, click*]
"ken kaniff from connecticut, can you accept?"
I wanna make songs all the fellas dub
And murder every rich rapper that i'm jealous of
So just remember when i bomb your set
Yo, i only cuss to make your mom upset

Cum on everybody -- get down tonight (20x)

* eminem does the voices of all characters in the song *

[g] eminem as susan (the girl)
[d] eminem as dave
[j] eminem as john
[r] eminem as ron

Chorus: repeat 2x {eminem singing}

I never meant to give you mushrooms girl
I never meant to bring you to my world
Now you sitting in the corner crying
And now it's my fault my fault

[eminem]
I went to john's rave with ron and dave
And met a new wave blonde babe with half of her head shaved
A nurse aid who came to get laid and tied up
With first aid tape and raped on the first date
Susan -- an ex-heroin addict who just stopped usin
Who love booze and alternative music (whattup?)
Told me she was goin back into usin again (nah!)
I said, "wait, first try this hallucinogen
It's better than heroin, henn, the booze or the gin
C'mere, let's go in here" *knocks on the door*
"who's in the den?"
[r] "it's me and kelly!"
"my bad, (sorry) let's try another room"
[g] i don't trust you!
"shut up slut! chew up this mushroom
This'll help you get in touch with your roots
We'll get barefoot, buttnaked, and run in the woods
[g] oh hell, i might as well try em, this party is so drab
"oh dag!!"
[g] what?
"i ain't mean for you to eat the whole bag!"
[g] huh?!

Chorus: 1st repeat em says "i'm sorry!" at the end
2nd repeat same as original chorus

"yo sue!"
[g] get away from me, i don't know you
Oh shoot, she's tripping..
[g] i need to go puke!! (bleahh!)
I wasn't tryin to turn this into somethin major
I just wanted to make you appreciate nature
Susan, stop cryin, i don't hate ya
The world's not against you, i'm sorry your father raped you
So what you had your little coochie in your dad's mouth?
That ain't no reason to start wiggin and spaz out
She said,
[g] help me i think i'm havin a seisure!
I said, "i'm high too bitch, quit grabbin my t-shirt" (let go!)
"would you calm down you're startin to scare me"
She said,
[g] i'm twenty-six years old and i'm not married
I don't even have any kids and i can't cook
(hello!) i'm over here sue, (hi) you're talkin to the plant, look!
We need to get to a hospital 'fore it's too late
Cause i never seen no-one eat as many shrooms as you ate

Chorus: 1st repeat em says "whoops!" after first line
And "it was an accident!" at the end
2nd repeat same as original chorus

Susan (wait!) where you goin? you better be careful
[g] leave me alone dad, i'm sick of gettin my hair pulled
I'm not your dad, quit tryin to swallow your tongue
Want some gum? put down the scissors, 'fore you do somethin dumb
I'll be right back just chill baby please?
I gotta go find dave he's the one who gave me these
"john, where's dave at before i bash you?"
[j] he's in the bathroom; i think he's takin a crap dude!
"dave! pull up your pants, we need an ambulance
There's a girl upstairs talkin to plants
Choppin her hair off, and there's only two days left
Of spring break, how long do these things take to wear off?"
[d] well it depends on how may you had
"i took three, she ate the other twenty-two caps
Now she's upstairs cryin out her eyeballs, drinkin lysol"
[d] she's gonna die dude
"i know and it's my fault!"
[d] my god!!!

Chorus: 1st repeat em says "i'm sorry!" after second line
And "what do i do?" at the end
2nd repeat same as original chorus

My god, i'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry! susan please wake up!
Please! please wake up!! what are you doing?!
You're not dead!! you're not dead!
I know you're not dead! oh my god!
Susan wake up! oh god...

Chorus: repeat 2x

I dont know why this world keep turning
Round and round
But i wish it would stop, and let me off right now

Yes man
As the world turns
We all experience things in life
Trials and tribulations
That we all must go through
When someone wants to test us
When someone tries our patience

[eminem]
I hang with a bunch of hippies
And wacky tobacco planters
Who swallow lit roaches
And light up like jack-o-lanterns
Outsiders baby, and we suing the courts
Cuz we're dope as fuck and only get a 2 in the source
They never should've booted me out of reform school
Deformed fool,takin a shit in a warm pool
They threw me out the ramada inn
I said it wasn't me, i got a twin (oh my god its you! not again!)
It all started when my mother took my bike away
Cuz i murdered my guinea pig and stuck him in the microwave
After that, it was straight to the 40 ouncers
Slappin teachers, and jackin off in front of my counselors
Class clown freshman, dressed like les nessman
Fuck the next lesson, i'll past the test guessin
And all the other kids said eminem's a dishead,
He'll never last, the only class he'll pass is phys ed
May be true, till i told this bitch in gym class
That she was too fat to swim laps, she needed slim fast (who me?)
Yeah bitch you so big you walked into big tanny's and stepped on jenny craig
She picked me up to snap me like a skinny twig
Put me in the headlock, then i thought of my guinea pig
I felt the evilness and started transformin (rarrrr!)
It began storming, i heard a bunch of cheering fans swarming
Grabbed that bitch by her hair
Drug her across the ground
And took her up to the highest diving board and tossed her down
Sorry coach, its too late to tell me stop
While i drop this bitch face down and watch her belly flop

Chorus

As the world turns
These are the days of our lives
These are the things that we must go through
Day by day

[eminem]
We drive around in million dollar sports cars
While little kids hide this tape from their parents like bad report cards
Outsiders, and we suing the courts
Cuz we dope as fuck and only get a 2 in the source
Hypercondriac, hanging out at the laundromat
Where all the raunchy fat white trashy blondes be at
Dressed like a sailor, standin by a pale of garbage
Its almost dark and i'm still tryna nail a trailor park bitch
I met a slut and said "what up, its nice to meet ya"
I'd like to treat ya to a faygo and a slice of pizza
But i'm broke as fuck and i don't get paid till the first of next month
But if you care to join me, i was bout to roll this next blunt
But i aint got no weed, no phillies, or no papers
Plus i'm a rapist and a repeated prison escapist
So gimme all your money
And don't try nothin funny
Cuz you know your stinkin ass is too fat to try to outrun me
I went to grab my gun
Thats when her ass put it on me
Wit an uppercut and hit me with a basket of laundry
I fell through the glass doors
Started causin a scene
Then slid across the floor and flew right into a washin machine
Jumped up with a broken back
Thank god i was smokin crack all day
And doped up off coke and smack
All i wanted to do was rape the bitch and snatch her purse
Now i wanna kill her
But so i gotta catch her first
Ran through rally's parkin lot and took a shortcut
Saw the house she ran up in
And shot her fuckin porch up
Kicked the door down to murder this divorced slut
Looked around the room
Thats when i seen the bedroom door shut
I know you're in there bitch! i got my gun cocked!
You might as well come out now
She said "come in, its unlocked!"
I walked in and all i smelled was liz claiborne
And seen her spread across the bed naked watchin gay porn
She said "come her big boy, lets get acquainted"
I turned around to run, twisted my ankle and sprained it
She came at me at full speed, nothin could stop her
I shot her five times and every bullet bounced off her
I started to beg "no, please let go"
But she swallowed my fuckin leg whole like an egg roll
With one leg left, now i'm hoppin around crippled
I grabbed my pocket knife and sliced off her right nipple
Just trying to buy me some time, then i remembered this magic trick
Den den den den den den, go go gadget dick!
Whipped that shit out, and aint no doubt about it
It hit the ground and caused an earthquake and power outage
I shouted "now bitch, lets see who gets the best!"
Stuffed that shit in crooked and fucked that fat slut to death (ahh!! ahhh!)
Come here bitch!
Come here!
Take this motherfuckin dick!
Bitch, come here!

Chorus to fade

And as we go along
Throughout the days of our lives
We all face small obstacles and challenges everyday
That we must go through
These are the things that surround us through our atmosphere
Every day
Every single day the world keeps turning

[doctor] scalpel
[nurse] here
[doctor] sponge
[nurse] here
[doctor] wait.. he's convulsing, he's convulsing!
[nurse] ah!
[doctor] we're gonna have to shock him!
[nurse] oh my! oh my god!
[doctor] we're gonna have to shock him!
[nurse] oh my god!

[eminem]
These are the results of a thousand electric volts
A neck with bolts, "nurse we're losin him, check the pulse!"
A kid who refused to respect adults
Wore spectacles with taped frames and a freckled nose
A corny lookin white boy, scrawny and always ornery
Cause i was always sick of brawny bullies pickin on me
And i might snap, one day just like that
I decided to strike back and flatten every tire on the bike rack
(whosssssh) my first day in junior high, this kid said,
"it's you and i, three o'clock sharp this afternoon you die"
I looked at my watch it was one twenty
"i already gave you my lunch money what more do you want from me?!?"
He said, "don't try to run from me, you'll just make it worse..."
My palms were sweaty, and i started to shake at first
Something told me, "try to fake a stomach ache it works"
I screamed, "owww! my appendix feels like they could burst!
Teacher, teacher, quick i need a naked nurse!"
[t] "what's the matter?"
[e] "i don't know, my leg, it hurts!"
[t] "leg?!? i thought you said it was your tummy?!?"
[e] "oh, i mean it is, but i also got a bum knee!"
[t] "mr. mathers, the fun and games are over.
And just for that stunt, you're gonna get some extra homework."
[e] "but don't you wanna give me after school detention?"
[t] "nah, that bully wants to beat your ass and i'ma let him."

Chorus: repeat 2x

Brain damage, ever since the day i was born
Drugs is what they used to say i was on
They say i never knew which way i was goin
But everywhere i go they keep playin my song

[eminem]
Brain damage..
Way before my baby daughter hailey
I was harassed daily by this fat kid named d'angelo bailey
An eighth grader who acted obnoxious, cause his father boxes
So everyday he'd shove me in the lockers
One day he came in the bathroom while i was pissin
And had me in the position to beat me into submission
He banged my head against the urinal til he broke my nose,
Soaked my clothes in blood, grabbed me and choked my throat
I tried to plead and tell him, "we shouldn't beef"
But he just wouldn't leave, he kept chokin me and i couldn't breathe
He looked at me and said, "you gonna die honkey!"
The principal walked in (what's going on in here?)
And started helpin him stomp me
I made them think they beat me to death
Holdin my breath for like five minutes before they finally left
Then i got up and ran to the janitor's storage booth
Kicked the door hinge loose and ripped out the four inch screws
Grabbed some sharp objects, brooms, and foreign tools
"this is for every time you took my orange juice,
Or stole my seat in the lunchroom and drank my chocolate milk.
Every time you tipped my tray and it dropped and spilt.
I'm gettin you back bully! now once and for good."
I cocked the broomstick back and swung hard as i could
And beat him over the head with it til i broke the wood
Knocked him down, stood on his chest with one foot..
.. made it home, later that same day
Started reading a comic, and suddenly everything became gray
I couldn't even see what i was tryin to read
I went deaf, and my left ear started to bleed
My mother started screamin, "what are you on, drugs?!?
Look at you, you're gettin blood all over my rug!" (sorry!)
She beat me over the head with the remote control
Opened a hole, and my whole brain fell out of my skull
I picked it up and screamed, "look bitch, what have you done?!?"
[m] "oh my god, i'm sorry son"
[e] "shut up you cunt!" i said, "fuck it!"
Took it and stuck it back up in my head
Then i sewed it shut and put a couple of screws in my neck

Chorus

[eminem]
Brain damage..
It's brain damage..
I got brain damage..
It's brain damage..
It's probably brain damage..
It's brain damage..
Brain damage..
I got brain damage..

Ok, i'm going to attempt to drown myself
You can try this at home
You can be just like me!

Mic check one two.. we recordin?
I'm cancerous, so when i diss you wouldn't wanna answer this
If you responded back with a battle rap you wrote for canibus
I strangled you to death then i choked you again
Then break your fuckin legs till your bones poke through your skin
You beef wit me, i'ma even the score equally
Take you on jerry springer, and beat yer ass legally
I get you blunted off of funny home grown
Cause when i smoke out i hit the trees harder than sonny bono
(ohh no!!) so if i said i never did drugs
That would mean i lie and get fucked more than the president does
Hillary clinton tried to slap me and call me a pervert
I ripped her fuckin tonsils out and fed her sherbet (bitch!)
My nerves hurt, and lately i'm on edge
Grabbed vanilla ice and ripped out his blonde dreads (fuck you!)
Every girl i ever went out wit is goin lez
Follow me and do exactly what the song says:
Smoke weed, take pills, drop outta school, kill people and drink
And jump behind the wheel like it was still legal
I'm dumb enough to walk in a store and steal
So i'm dumb enough to ask for a date with lauryn hill
Some people only see that i'm white, ignorin skill
Cause i stand out like a green hat with a orange bill
But i don't get pissed, y'all don't even see through the mist
How the fuck can i be white, i don't even exist
I get a clean shave, bathe, go to a rave
Die from an overdose and dig myself up out of my grave
My middle finger won't go down, how do i wave?
And this is how i'm supposed to teach kids how to behave?

Now follow me and do exactly what you see
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I slap women and eat shrooms then o.d.
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!

Me and marcus allen went over to see nicole
When we heard a knock at the door, must have been ron gold'
Jumped behind the door, put the orgy on hold
Killed em both and smeared blood in a white bronco (we did it!)
My mind won't work if my spine don't jerk
I slapped garth brooks out of his rhinestone shirt
I'm not a player just a ill rhyme sayer
That'll spray an aerosol can up at the ozone layer (psssssssh)
My rap style's warped, i'm runnin out the morgue
Witcha dead grandmother's corpse to throw it on your porch
Jumped in a chickenhawk cartoon wit a cape on
And beat up foghorn leghorn with an acorn
I'm bout as normal as norman bates, with deformative traits
A premature birth that was four minutes late
Mother.. are you there? i love you
I never meant to hit you over the head with that shovel
Will someone explain to my brain that i just severed
A main vein with a chainsaw and i'm in pain?
I take a breather and sighed; either i'm high, or i'm nuts
Cause if you ain't tiltin this room, neither am i
So when you see your mom with a thermometer shoved in her ass
Then it probably is obvious i got it on with her
Cause when i drop this solo shit it's over with
I bought cage's tape, opened it, and dubbed over it

I came to the club drunk with a fake id
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I've been with 10 women who got hiv
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I got genital warts and it burns when i pee
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree
You probably wanna grow up to be just like me!!!