1. _ Eat It
How come you're always such a fussy young man?
Don't want no captain crunch, don't want no raison bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in japan
So eat it, just eat it
Don't want to argue, i don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate
So eat it
Don't you tell me you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it, ooh
Your table manners are some cryin' shame
You're playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now, if you starve to death, you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it
You better listen, better do what you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat it
I don't care if you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more spam
It doesn't matter it it's fresh or tanned
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeate it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
If it's gettin' cold, reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it, you can't send it back
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it (oh lord)
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it (oh no)
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
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2. _ Lasagna
La-la-la-la-lasagna
You want-a some-a lasagna magnifico
Or a-maybe spaghetti
Ay, you supper's a-ready now, where you go
Mama mia bambino
Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you
'samatta you, 'samatta you
You should-a taste my lasagna
Ay, you no like-a lasagna
That's okay too
How about-a calzone
Some-a nice minestrone, ats good for you
Have-a some marinara
Have-a some marinara, i know-a you like
I know-a you like, i know-a you like
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
Would you like some-a zucchini
Or-a my homemade linguini, it's hard to beat
Have-a more fettuccini.
Ay, you getting too skinny, you gotta to eat
Ay, mange, mange
(gargling)
Ay, you-a pass the lasagna
A-don't you get any on ya, you sloppy pig
Have-a more ravioli
You-a get roly poly, a-nice and-a big
Like you cousin luigi
Luigi, luigi, capisce paisan
Capisce paisan, capisce paisan
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
Hey
Hey
(laughing)
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3. _ Like A Surgeon
I finally made it through med school
Somehow i made it through
I'm just an intern
I still make a mistake or two
I was last in my class
Barely passsed at the institute
Now i'm trying to avoid, yah i'm trying to avoid
A malpractise suit
Hey, like a surgeon
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Organ transplants are my line
Better give me all your gause nurse
This patient's fading fast
Complications have set in
Don't know how long he'll last
Let me see, that i.v.
Here we go - time to operate
I'll pull his indsides out, pull his insides out
And see what he ate
Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Here's a waiver for you to sign
Woe, woe, woe
It's a fact - i'm a quack
The disgrace of the a.m.a.
'cause my patients die, yah my patients die
Before they can pay
Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Got your kidneys on my mind
Like a surgeon, ooh like a surgeon
When i reach inside
With my scalpel, and my forceps, and retractors
Oh oh, oh oh, woe, oh
Ooh baby, yah
I can hear your heartbeat
For the very last time
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4. _ Ricky
R: hey lucy, i'm home
L: oh ricky, you're so fine
L: you're so fine you blow my mind
L: hey ricky, hey ricky
R: oh lucy, you're so fine
R: you're so fine you blow my mind
R: hey lucy, hey lucy
L: oh ricky, you're so fine
L: you play your bongos all the time
L: hey ricky, hey ricky
R: oh lucy, you're so fine
R: how i love tyo hear you whine
R: hey lucy
L: hey ricky
L: you always play your conga drums, you think you got the right
L: you wake up little ricky in the middle of the night
L: stop shakin' your maraccas now and just turn out the light ricky
R: i'm sick of fred and ethel always comin' over here
R: 'cause fred eats all our pretzel sticks and then he spills his beer
R: why don't you serve your cassarole and make them disappear lucy
L: oh ricky, what's a girl like me supposed to do
L: you really drive me wild when you sing your babaloo
R: oh lucy, you're so dizzy, don't you have a clue
R: well, here's to you lucy
R: i love you too lucy, too lucy, let's babaloo lucy
L: hey ricky
L: you're always playin' at the club, you never let me go
L: i'm beggin' and i'm pleadin' but you always tell me no
L: oh, please honey please, let me be in your show ricky, wah
R: you always burn the roast and you drop the dishes too
R: you iron my new shirt and you burn a hole right through
R: you're such a crazy redhead i just don't know what to do lucy
L: oh ricky
L: what a pity, don't you understand
L: that every day's a rerun and the laughter's always canned
R: oh lucy
R: i'm the latin leader of the band
R: so here's to you lucy
R: let's babaloo lucy, too lucy
R: everybody rumba!
R: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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5. _ Fat
Your butt is wide, well mine is too
Just watch your mouth or i'll sit on you
The word is out, better treat me right
'cause i'm the king of cellulite
Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right
My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when i fall down
I've got more chins than chinatown
Well, i've never used a phone booth
And i've never seen my toes
When i'm goin' to the movies
I take up seven rows
Because i'm fat, i'm fat, come on
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, you know it
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, come on you know
(fat, fat, really really fat)
Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout
Just now tell me once again who's fat
When i walk out to get my mail
It measures on the richter scale
Down at the beach i'm a lucky man
I'm the only one who gets a tan
If i have one more pie a la mode
I'm gonna need my own zip code
When you're only having seconds
I'm having twenty-thirds
When i go to get my shoes shined
I gotta take their word
Because i'm fat, i'm fat, sha mone
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, you know it
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, you know it you know
(fat, fat, really really fat)
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds
Lemme tell you once again who's fat
If you see me comin' your way
Better give me plenty space
If i tell you that i'm hungry
Then won't you feed my face
Because i'm fat, i'm fat, come on
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, you know it
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, you know it, you know
(fat, fat, really really fat)
Woo woo woo, when i sit around the house
I really sit around the house
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, come on
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, you know it, you know it
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know, you know, you know, come on
(fat, fat, really really fat)
And you know all by myself i'm a crowd
Lemme tell you once again
You know i'm huge, i'm fat, you know it
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, you know, hoo
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, you know it, you know
(fat, fat, really really fat)
And the whole world knows i'm fat and i'm proud
Just tell me once again who's fat
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6. _ Living With A Hernia
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7. _ One More Minute
(constant "doo wop"s in the background throughout the song)
Aahh....
Well i heard that you're leavin' (leavin')
Gonna leave me far behind (so far behind)
'cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that i'm not your kind (aahh..)
So i pulled (i pulled) your name out (name out) of my rolodex (oohh..)
And i tore all your pictures in two
And i burned down the malt shop where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you (dippity dippity doo)
That's right (that's right) you ain't gonna see me cryin'
I'm glad (i'm glad) that you found somebody new
'cause i'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you
I guess i might seem kinda bitter
You got me feeling down in the dumps
'cause i'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love
And i have to use the self-service pumps
Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't (you ain't) gonna break my heart in two
'cause i'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door (yah)
Again and again and again and again and again
Oh, can't you see what i'm tryin' to say, darlin...
I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches (leeches)
Shove an icepick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathroom in grand central station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you
Yes, i'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you
I'd rather rip my heart out of my ribcage with my bare hands
And then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'till i die
Than spend one more minute with you
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8. _ Addicted To Spuds
Potato skins, potato cakes
Hash browns, and instant flakes
Baked or boiled or french fried
There's no kind you haven't tried
You planned a trip to idaho
Just to watch potatoes grow
I understand how you must feel
I can't deny they've got appeal
Whoah
You like them whether they are plain or they're stuffed, oh yeah
Better face the facts, it seems you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to spuds
Your greasy hands, your salty lips
Looks like you found the chips
Your belly aches, your teeth grind
Some tator tots would blow your mind
And you don't mind if they're not cooked
You need your fix, i guess you're hooked
And late at night you always dream
Of bacon bits and sour cream
Whoah, you like them even if they're lumpy or tough, oh yeah
Whee, it's pretty obvoius to me you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Ooh yeah
I'm givin' up, it'sjust no use
Another case of spud abuse
What can i say, what can i do
Potato bug has got me too, wahoo
I used to hate them, now they're all that i eat, oh yeah
Whee, i've often seen then whipped, but they just can't be beat
Now i'm gonna have to face it
I'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, i'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, i'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, i'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, i'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, i'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, i'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, i'm addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, i'm addicted to spuds
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9. _ Dare To Be Stupid
Put down your chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite
You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before it's/its time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch
You better squeeze all the charmin you can while mr. wimpole's not around
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan
Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite on more than you chew
What can you do
Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickles
Look for mr. goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
You can dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a bunch of sushi and forget to leave a tip
Dare to be stupid
Come on and dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Let's go
It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can i have a volunteer
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk
Now it's time for crying in your beer
Settle down, raise a family, join the pta
Buy some sensible shoes and a chevyrolet
And party 'till you're broke and they drive you away
It's ok, you can dare to be stupid
It's like spitting on a fish
It's like barking up a tree
It's like i said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free
Dare to be stupid (yes)
Why don't you dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Dare to be stupid
Burn your candle at both ends
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Mashed potatoes can be your friends
You can be a coffee achiever
You can sit around the house and watch leave it to beaver
The future's up to you
So what you gonna do
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
What did i say
Dare to be stupid
Tell me, what did i say
Dare to be stupid
It's alright
Dare to be stupid
We can be stupid all night
Dare to be stupid
Come on, join the crowd
Dare to be stupid
Shout it out loud
Dare to be stupid
I can't hear you
Dare to be stupid
Ok, i can hear you now
Dare to be stupid
Let's go, dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
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10. _ I Lost On Jeopardy
Oh-oh-oh-oh
I was there to match my intellect on national tv
Against a plumber, oh, and an architect, both with a phd
I was tense, i was nervous, i guess it just wasn't my night
Art fleming gave the answers
Oh, but i couldn't get the questions right, -ight, -ight
I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)
Well, i knew i was in trouble now
My hope of winning sank
Oh, 'cause i got the daily double now
And then my mind went blank
I took potpourri for one hundred
And then my head started to spin
Well, i'm givin' up don pardo
Just tell me now what i didn't win, yeah, yeah
I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)
That's right, al--you lost. and let me tell you what you didn't win: a twenty colume set of the encyclopedia international, a case of turtle wax, and a yeard's supply of rice-a-roni, the san fra
O treat. but that's not all. you also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people. you brought shame and disgrace to your family name for generations to come. you don't get to
Back tomorrow. you don't even get a lousy copy of our home game. you're a complete loser!
Don't know what i was thinkin' of
I guess i just wasn't too bright
Well, i sure hope i do better
Next weekend on the price is right, -ight, -ight
I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on jeopardy, baby
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