Alapalooza

It took a lifetime, but i finally found
The perfect waffle recipe
You'll never find a batter any better in this whole stinkin' town
One little bite and i'm sure that you'll agree

Your eyes roll back and your knees get weak
Aw, you're gonna lick your plate clean
People come from miles around just to study my technique
I make the best darn waffles this world has ever seen

I'm the waffle king (waffle king)... yeah
Waffle king (waffle king)
That's what they call me
Waffle king (waffle king)
Hey, i'm the waffle king

Everywhere i go, the people cheer
I never have to wait in line
People say, "right this way, sir... your money's no good here.'
Some day i betcha they'll build me a shrine

And everybody say, "well, i'm your biggest fan!"
"i seen your picture in people magazine!"
Folks come from around the world just to shake my hand
If you don't believe in the power of the waffle lemme show you just what i mean

I'm the waffle king (waffle king)
Make you want to scream and shout
Waffle king (waffle king)
That's my name, don't wear it out
Waffle king (waffle king)
Make no mistake about it i'm the waffle king... yeah

Roll out the red carpet, 'cause here i come
All you peons better scram
Out of my way, you worthless piece of scum
Don't you know who i am?
Hey!

I wanna see you grovel, you waffle-eatin' fools
Everybody, on your knees
You wanna buy a waffle, you're playin' by my rules
Go on, beg me... lemme hear you say "pretty please"

Can't you tell the universe revolves around me?
Don't you know you suckers owe me everything?
And can't you see that i'm the highest form of life that there could ever be?
Everybody all around the world, stand up and sing
Come on know...

Waffle king
Hey, batter batter
Waffle king
Hot on your platter
Waffle king
Say, what's the matter
Don't you know who i am?
Don't you know who i am?
Tell 'em, girls
(he's the wa wa wa wa wa wa waffle king)
Yeah yeah
(he's the wa wa wa wa wa wa waffle king)
Tell the truth now
(he's the wa wa wa wa wa wa waffle king)
Don't you know who i am?
Don't you know who i am?

You can torture me
With donnie & marie
You can play some barry manilow
Or you can play some schlock
Like new kids on the block
Or any village people song you know
Or play vanilla ice
Hey, you can play him twice
And you can play the bee gees any day
But mr. dj, please
I'm beggin' on my knees
I just can't take no more of billy ray

Don't play that song
That "achy breaky" song
The most annoying song i know
And if you play that song
That "achy breaky" song
I might blow up my radio, ooo...

You can clear the room
By playind debbie boon
Or crank your abba records until dawn
Oh, i can even hear
Slim whitman or zamfir
Don't mind a yoko ono marathon
Or play some tiffany
On 8-track or cd
Or scrape your fingernails across the board
Or tie me to a chair
And kick me down the stairs
Just please don't play that stupid song no more

Don't play that song
That "achy breaky" song
You know i hate that song a bunch
And if you play that song
That nauseating song
It might just make me lose my lunch, ooo...

Don't play that song
That "achy breaky" song
I think it's driving me insane
Oh, please don't play that song
That irritating song
I'd rather have a pitchfork in my brain...

Don't play that song
That "achy breaky" song
The most annoying song i know
And if you play that song
That "achy breaky" song
I might blow up my radio, ooo-woo...

I dated siamese twins
I slept with bigfoot, too
Get me on sally jesse
Put me on donahue
'cause i wanna tell the world about it
Right now

My dog's a narcoleptic
My mom's a circus freak
I gotta get a spot on
Geraldo's show this week
'cause i wanna tell the world about it
Right now

I'm just an anorexic codependant bingo addict
Stripper born without a chin
And i'm only comfortable talking about it
When the whole wide world is listening in

Talk soup... talk soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me

My wife ran off with elvis
My boss shaved off my hair
I've got a thing for poodles
And rubber underwear
And i wanna tell the world about it
Right now

I had a close encounter
I never chew my food
I got eleven nose jobs
I yodel in the nude
And i wanna tell the world about it
Right now

I'm just a cross-dressin' alcoholic neo-nazi
Porno star, as you may have guessed
And i'm really gonna feel a whole lot better
If you let me get this thing off my chest

Talk soup... talk soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me

I'm just your average schizophrenic nymphomaniac
Albino go-go dancer, you see
Nothin' so bad that i can't share it
With a billion friends on national tv, whoa...

I have no genitalia
I sold my kids for cheese
I love my blow up doll, so
Bring out those cameras, please
'cause i wanna tell the world about it
Right now

Talk soup... talk soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me

Talk soup... talk soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me

Talk soup... talk soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me

Talk soup... talk soup
Listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me, (listen to me) listen to me

Sometimes i feel
Like i need a vacation
Sometimes i feel
Like i wanna go
To the city of cavemen
The city of bedrock
I'd be a flinstone
Now i'll tell you why...

Well, i've got i've got a woman named wilma
Well, i've got i've got a baby named pebbles
Well, i've got i've got a doggy named dino
We do a little bowling and we drink a little vino

Well, i've got a little buddy, barney rubble
Got a neighbor by the name of barney rubble
He's a midget but he makes a lot of trouble
Doesn't like to shave, he got caveman stubble

Me and barney, loyal order water buffalo
Lodge brothers, loyal order water buffalo
There's a handshake everybody gotta know
How come grand poo-bah always gotta run the whole show?

Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
I get by on all my prehistoric knowhow

Betty and barney got a baby named bamm-bamm
Little pebbles is his number one fan
He's the strongest toddler in the whole land
Tear your arm off if he shakes your hand

Got a car, gonna push it with my feel now
Gonna take my family out to eat now
Jumbo ribs at the drive-in can't be beat now
Made from brontosaurus, baby, not a moo-cow

Wanna chill with a sabretooth tiger
Wear a loincloth, natural fiber
Be the first rolling stone subscriber
Got a pterodactyl for a windshield wiper

Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Don't know what it means but i say it anyhow

Luck me, workin' down in the gravel put
Movin' rocks, on a big dinosaur i sit
Mr. slate gets mad and he throws a fit
Pull the birdie's tail, everybody knows it's time to quit

I realize i'm living in the stone age
No fax, no cellular phone-age
Pick my teeth with a dinosaur bone-age
Liftin' heavy boulders every day for my wage

Barney rubble, laughin' like a hyena
Barney rubble, what a little weiner
Where's wilma? anybody seen her?
Got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner

Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now

Carbon monoxide
Making me choke
No a.c.
And the radio's broke
Cars backed up
Far as you can see
Seems like i've been waiting here for all eternity
Oh, and just in case you're wondering
I'll tell you where i am
I'm right here (right here) right here (right here)
Stuck right here in the middle of this...

Traffic jam
I haven't moved one inch from this here spot
Traffic jam
The freeway's one big parking lot
Traffic jam
My radiator's boiling hot
And i'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the middle)
Right here in the middle of a traffic jam

Trapped inside
My automobile
Cobweb's gowin'
On the steerin' wheel
Now, i'm no genius
But one thing i know
I shouldn't have had that bag of bran muffins
An hour and a half ago
Yeah, and if you need to find me
I'll tell you where i am
I'm right here (right here) right here (right here)
Stuck smack dab in the middle of this...

Traffic jam
I haven't moved one inch from this here spot
Traffic jam
The freeway's one big parking lot
Traffic jam
Well, i thought we were movin' but i guess we're not
'cause i'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the middle)
Right here in the middle of a traffic jam

Stuck in the middle of a traffic jam
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper to
Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper to
Bumper to bumper to bumper to bumper...
Yay-hey!

There's a yuppie on a cellular phone
I'm gonna puke if i here any more
There's a motorcycle zoomin' by me
Watch what happens when i open my door
Now we're all goin' nowhere fast
Well, i guess that's perfectly clear
I left home five hours ago
And i can still see my house from here
So if anybody's tryin' to find me
Well, i'll tell you where i am
Right here (right here) right here (right here)
Stuck right here in the middle of this...

Traffic jam
I haven't moved one inch from this here spot
Traffic jam
The freeway's one big parking lot
Traffic jam
Now my back teeth are floatin' and my nerves are shot
And i'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in the middle)
Stuck right here in the middle of a traffic jam
Traffic jam... traffic jam... traffic jam... woo!

There's something weird in the fridge today
I don't know what it is
Food i can't recognize
My roommate won't throw a thing away
I guess it's probably his
It looks like it's alive...

And livin' in the fridge... livin' in the fridge
Livin' in the fridge... livin' in the fridge

There's something dross in the fridge today
It's green and growin' hair
It's been there since july
If you can name the object
In that baggie over there
Then mister, you're a better man than i

It's livin' in the fridge
You can't stop (dysentary) the mold from growin' (dysentary)
Livin' in the fridge
Can't tell what (dysentary) it is at all (dysentary)
Livin' in the fridge
You can't stop (dysentary) the mold from growin' (dysentary)
Livin' in the fridge

Tell me, do you think it should be carbon dated
Fumigated or creamated and buried at sea?
You try to save a little bit of you're home cookin'
Couple weeks later, got a scary-lookin' specimen
It always happens my friend
Again & again & again & again

Somethin' stinks in the fridge today
And it's been rottin' there all week
It could be liver cake or wooly mammoth steak
Well, maybe i should another peek...

Livin' in the fridge
You can't stop (dysentary) the mold from growin' (dysentary)
Livin' in the fridge
Can't tell what (dysentary) it is at all (dysentary)
Livin' in the fridge
You can't stop (dysentary) the mold from growin' (dysentary)
Livin' in the fridge
Livin' in the fridge
Don't know what it is, don't know what it is
Livin' in the fridge
Don't know what it is, don't know what it is
Livin' in the fridge
Don't know what it is at all
Livin' in the fridge, yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah