Uhf

Spam in the place where i live (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy)
Spam in my luchbox at work (it's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it at all

If you're running low, go to the store
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the spam

Oh, spam on the table at home (ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now (let's eat)
Spam in my office at work (it's the best)
Think about the stuff its made from, wonder if it's mystery of meat

If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermose to help wash it down
Now, if there's some left, don't just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now

Spam in my pantry at home (have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the lable (oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner, or lunch (it's the best)
Think about how it's been precooked, wonder if i'll just eat it cold

Now, once you start in, you can't put it down
Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the spam in

Oh, spam (spam)
Ham and pork
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now (oh boy)
Spam (spam)
It's the best
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it

Spam in the place where i live (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if i'm a junkie now (let's eat)
Spam in the place where i work (you're obsessed)
Think about the way it's processed, wonder if it's some kind of meat

Spam in the back of my car (ham and pork)
Spam any place that you are (ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
The can is there to hold in the spam (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)

Met this fine young thing
At the local circle k
We made a date for a half past eight
And i said, "what the hey?"

So i journeyed to her crib
And i let myself inside
That chick was slouched down on the couch
I think her brain was fried

Couldn't figure it out
She wouldn't even look at me
Then i saw her eyes, she was hypnotised
Cold glued to her tv

"hey, what's your problem baby doll
Let's have a little fling"
She said, "hey you fool, now just be cool
I'm watchin' that gilligan's isle thing"

Isle thing
Isle thing, isle thing, isle thing

Watchin' all night
Musta, been a marathon
I was bummin', those shows kept comin'
Here's what was goin' on

These castaways were stranded
On this island out at sea
One of them called gilligan
So let's name him after m

He'd mess up every rescue
Man, that first mate was illin'
If i was one of those castaways
I think i'd probably kill 'im

Just about that time
Telephone began to ring
She said, "just let it, my machine'll get
We're watchin' the gilligan's isle thing

Isle thing
She loves that gilligan's isle thing
Isle thing, isle thing, isle thing
Please, baby, baby, please

I like the professor
He always saves their butts
He could build a nuclear reactor
From a clouple' of coconuts

She said, "that guy's a genius"
I shook my head and laughed
I said, "if he's so fly, they tell me why
He couldn't build a lousy raft"

And while we're on the subject
I'll tell you one thing for sure
Those homeboys brought an awful lot
For just a three hour tour

Then her mom came in the room
It was kind of embarrasing
She said, "hey you two, i was once like you
And i loved that gilligan's isle thing"

Isle thing
She'd watch that gilligan's isle thing
Please, baby, baby, please

Skipper's in a hammock
He's looking kinda fat
He'd throw a fit and then he'd hit
Old gilligan with his hat

Mrs. hal had it goin' on
But mr. hal was meaner
Ginger and mary anne could've used
Some funky cold medina (?)

I was really diggin' this show
I didn't know what to do
It kinda looked like i was hooked
Now i'm an addict too

I know each episode by heart
Now i'm the rerun king
And on every date we both stay up late
And we watch the gilligan's isle thing

Isle thing
Hasta la vista, little buddy
Gilligan's isle thing, isle thing, isle thing

Beverly

Beverly hillbillies

Huh, now lookie here people
Listen to my story
A little story 'bout a man named jed
You know something?
That poor mountaineer
They say he barely kept his family fed

Now, let me tell you
One day he was shootin'
Old jed was shootin' at some food
When all of a sudden right up from the ground, there
Well, there came a bubblin' crude

Oil that is well, maybe you call it black gold or texas tea
He gonna move next to mr. drysdale and be a beverly hillbilly...

Before you know it, all the kinfolk are-a-sayin'
Yeah, buddie, move away from there
That little clampet got his own cement pond
That little clampet, he's a millionaire

Now, everyone said californie
Is the place that you oughta be
We got to load up this here truck now
We got to move to beverly
Hills, that is

Swimming pools
Move-a-move-a-movie stars
Huh
Lookit that, lookit that

Beverly beverly beverly hillbillies
Y'all come back now, y'hear?
Beverly beverly beverly hillbillies
Beverly beverly beverly hillbillies
Beverly beverly beverly hillbillies

Let me be your hog
Let me be your hog, now (snort, snort)
I said baby baby baby baby baby
Baby baby baby baby baby baby

Well, i had two weeks of vacation time coming
After working all year down at big roy's eating and plumbing
So one night when my family the i were gathered 'round the dinner table
I said, "kids, if you could go anywhere in this great big world, now
Where'd you like to go ta"
They said, "dad, we wanna see the biggest ball of twine in minnesota"
They picked the biggest ball of twine in minnesota

So the very next day we loaded up the car
With potato skins and pickled weiners,
Crossword puzzles, spider-man comics, and mama's home made rhubarb pie
Pulled out of the driveway and the neighbors, they all waved good-bye
And so began our three day journey

We picked up a guy holding a sign that said "twine ball or bust"
He smelled real bad and he said his name was bernie
I put in a slim whitman tape, my wife put on a brand new hair net
Kids were in the back seat jumping up and down,
Yelling "are we there yet?"
And all of us were joined together in one common thought
As we rolled down the long and winding interstate in our '53 desoto
We're gonna see the biggest ball of twine in minnesota
We're headin' for the biggest ball of twine in minnesota

Oh, we couldn't wait to get there
So we drove straight through for three whole days and nights
Of course, we stopped for more pickled weiners now and then
The scenery was just so pretty, boy i wish the kids could've seen it
But you can't see out of the side of the car
Because the windows are completely covered
With the decals of all the place where we've already been

There's elvis-o-rama, the tupperware museum,
The boll weevil monument, and cranberry world,
The shuffleboard hall of fame, poodle dog rock,
And the mecca of albino squirrels
We've been to ghost towns, theme parks, wax museums,
And a place where you can drive through the middle of a tree
We've seen alligator farms and tarantula ranches,
But there's still one thing we gotta see

Well, we crossed the state line about 6:39
And we saw a sign that said "twine ball exit - 50 miles"
Oh, the kids were so happy the started singing
"99 bottles of beer on the wall" for the 27th time that day
So, we pulled off the road at the last chance gas station
Got a few more pickled weiners and a diet chocolate soda
On our way to see the biggest ball of twine in minnesota
We're gonna see the biggest ball of tiwne in minnesota

Finally, at 7:37 early wednesday evening as the sun was setting
In the minnesota sky
Out in the distance, on the horizon, it appeared to me like a vision
Before my unbelieving eye
I parked the car and walked with awe-filled reverence towards that
Glorius huge majestic sphere
I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer imensity,
I had to pop myself a beer
Yes, on these hallowed grounds, open ten to eight on weekdays,
In a little shrine under a make-shift pagoda,
There sits the biggest ball of twine in minnesota
I tell you, it's the biggest ball of twine in minnesota

Oh, what on earth would make a man decide to do that kind of thing?
Oh, windin' up twenty-one thousand, one hundred forty pounds of string
What was he trying to prove, who was he trying to impress
Why did he build it, how did he do, it was anybody's guess
Where did he get the twine, what was goin' through his mind
Did it just seem like a good idea at the time

Well, we walked up beside it and i warned the kids
"now, you better not touch it, those ropes are there for a reason"
I said, "maybe if you're good, i'll tie it to the back of our car
And we can take it home", but i was only teasin'
Then we went to the gift shop and stood in line
Bought a souvineer miniature ball of twine, some window decals,
And anything else they'd sell us
And we bought a couple post cards, "greetings from the twine ball,
Wish you were here"
Won't the folks back home be jealous

I gave our camera to bernie and we stood by the ball and we all gathered
'round and said, "cheese"
The bernie ran away with my brand new insti-matic,
But at least we got our memories
Then we all just stared at the ball for a while and my eyes got moist,
But i said with a smile, "kids, this here's what america's all about"
Then i started feelin' kinda gooey inside and i fell on my knees
And i cried and cried
And that's when those security guards threw us out
You know, i bet if we unravelled that sucker,
It'd roll all the way down to fargo, north dakota
'cause it's the biggest ball of twine in minnesota
I'm talkin' 'bout the biggest ball of twine in minnesota

Well, we stayed that night at the twine ball inn
In the morning we were on our way home again
But we really didn't want to leave, that was perfectly clear
I said, "folks, i can tell you're all sad to go"
Then i winked my eye and i said, "you know, i got a funny kind of feelin'
We'll be comin' back again next year"
'cause i've been all around this great big world
And i can't think of anywhere else i'd rather go to
Than the biggest ball of twine in minnesota
I said the biggest ball of twine in minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota
Minnesota