Talking Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues

I saw it advertised one day,

Bear mountain picnic was comin' my way.

"come along 'n' take a trip,

We'll bring you up there on a ship.

Bring the wife and kids

Bring the whole family."

Yippee!



Well, i run right down 'n' bought a ticket

To this bear mountain picnic.

But little did i realize

I was in for a picnic surprise.

Had nothin' to do with mountains.

I didn't even come close to a bear.



Took the wife 'n' kids down to the pier,

Six thousand people there,

Everybody had ticket for the trip.

"oh well." i said, "it's a pretty big ship.

Besides, anyway, the more the merrier."



Well, we all got on 'n' what d'ya think,

That big old boat started t' sink

More people kept a-pilin' on,

That old ship was a-slowly goin' down.

Funny way t' start a picnic.



Well, i soon lost track of m' kids 'n' wife,

So many people there i never saw in m' life

That old ship sinkin' down in the water,

Six thousand people tryin' t' kill each other,

Dogs a-barkin', cats a-meowin',

Women screamin', fists a-flyin', babies cryin',

Cops a-comin', me a-runnin'.

Maybe we just better call off the picnic.



I got shoved down 'n' pushed around,

All i could hear there was a screamin' sound,

Don't remember one thing more,

Just remember walkin' up on a little shore,

Head busted, stomach cracked,

Feet splintered, i was bald, naked. . .

Quite lucky to be alive though.



Feelin' like i climbed outa m' casket,

I grabbed back hold of m' picnic basket.

Took the wife 'n' kids 'n' started home,

Wishin' i'd never got up that morn.



Now, i don't care just what you do,

If you wanta have a picnic, that's up t' you.

But don't tell me about it, i don't wanta hear it,

'cause, see, i just lost all m' picnic spirit.

Stay in m' kitchen, have m' own picnic. . .

In the bathroom.



Now, it don't seem to me quite so funny

What some people are gonna do f'r money.

There's a bran' new gimmick every day

Just t' take somebody's money away.

I think we oughta take some o' these people

And put 'em on a boat, send 'em up to bear mountain . . .

For a picnic.


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