No Thugs In Our House (a Musical In Three Acts By Xtc)

Cast of characters



Graham, a teenager

Mother, a busy housewife

Father, a conservative husband

Policeman, a young constable



Scene: a kitchen in suburbia, one bright saturday morning



Act one



Narrator: the insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the

Line. her husband burns his paper, sucks his pipe while studying

Their cushion-floor, his viscous poly-paste breath comes out. their

Wall-paper world is shattered by his shout. a boy in blue is busy

Banging out a headache on the kitchen door. all the while graham

Slept on, dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted

To.



Mother and father (in unison): no thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear, we made little graham promise us he'd be a good

Boy. no thugs in our house, are there dear? we made that clear, we

Made little graham promise us he'd be a good boy.



Act two



Narrator: the young policeman who just can't grow a moustache will

Open up his book, and spoil their breakfast with reports of asians who

Have been so badly kicked.



Policeman: is this your son's wallet i've got here? he must have

Dropped it after too much beer!



Mother: oh, officer, we can't believe our little angel is the one

You've picked.



Narrator: and all the while graham slept on, dreaming of a world

Where he could do just what he wanted to.



Mother and father (in unison): no thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear, we made little graham promise us he'd be a good

Boy. no thugs in our house, are there dear? we made that clear, we

Made little graham promise us he'd be a good boy.



Narrator: they never read those pamphlets in his bottom drawer.



Policeman: they never read that tattoo on his arm.



Narrator: they thought that was just a boys club badge he wore.



Policeman: they never thought he'd do folks any harm.



Act three



Narrator: the insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the

Line. she's singing something stale and simple now this business has

Fizzled out. her little tune is such a happy song. her son is

Innocent, he can't do wrong, 'cos dad's a judge and knows exactly what

The job of judging's all about. and all the while graham slept on,

Dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted to.



Mother and father (in unison): no thugs in our house, are there dear?

We made that clear, we made little graham promise us he'd be a good

Boy. no thugs in our house, are there dear? we made that clear, we

Made little graham promise us he'd be a good boy.



Mother: no thugs in our house!



Father: no thugs in our house!



Complete cast (in unison): no thugs in our house, dear!



Set design by andy partridge with co-ordination by ken ansell.

Stage and scenery by art dragon


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