The Ballad Of Alferd Packer

In the state of colorado

In the year of seventy-four

They crossed the san juan mountains

Growing hungry to the core.

Their guide was alferd packer

And they trusted him too long:

For his character was weak

And his appetite was strong.



They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief;

It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef.



Along the gunnison river

An indian camp they spied.

An indian chief approached them,

To stop them he did try.

He warned them of the danger

In the snow that lay around,

But the danger was in packer,

For his hunger knew now bound.



They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief;

It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef.



Two cold months went slowly by;

Packer came back alone.

"my comrades they all froze to death,

I'm starving," he did moan.

The indian chief knew how he lied,

He spat upon the ground,

For packer's belly hung out all over his belt:

He'd gained some thirty pounds.



They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief;

It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef.



Well for nine long years he ran away

But finally he was tried.

He claimed he didn't kill them,

He only ate their hide.

That county had six dem-o-crats

Until that man arrived.

Well only one lives on today:

He ate the other five.



They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief;

It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef.



Eighteen years he stayed in jail,

It was a dreadful fate,

For he suffered indigestion

Every time he ate.

Still, it's hard to blame this hungry guy

Who went searchin' for the mines,

For when he ate his friends

He'd never heard of duncan hines.




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