Math And Other Problems

My sprained ankle is sore from walking on it all day
Trying to walk off the valium that i had to take
Cuz i'm a hundred pound mess, and i guess that i should leave you alone
I walk into the place that gave me horrible gas
They said you moved to new york to teach a cooking class
But i know that's just a cover up, cuz i still follow you home

(chorus)
Well i'm beginning to feel just like another spinning wheel
And my shield is finally growing thin
And i guess i should find another favorite place to dine
Or i'm gonna have to see you again
Don't leave the light on for me
You'll just be wasting sleep tonight

It took me 6 whole years to work off all of the weight
That i had up on my shoulders trying to be so great
Now i feel so insecure and i'm not so really sure that i should
So here's the 100 thousand dollars and the 70 cents
That should buy back all the love and all the time that you spent
Trying to make this all work, you know i feel like a jerk but it's good

(chorus)

I was the kind of kid back in school
Who wore a members only jacket, thought he was kool
That's when i met katrina, she was best friends with seshel
I thought she was the one, yeah i thought she was special
I saw her in the hall about quarter til three
I said i'll take you in my nova, to the tasty freeze
She said i know all about you, more than i should
I know all about the dirty mags you keep in the woods

(chorus)
So tell me how i'm supposed to be when i've been stalked by a lesbian
I can't sleep a wink, and i'm married to the ephedrine
How am i supposed to sleep when i've been stalked by a lesbian now

Now don't take it light, it might seem funny to you
Yesterday my science project, was covered in glue
So i asked that guy seshel, was it something i said
He said quit being so fuckin' paranoid, it's all in your head
The way she's looking at me, i think she wants me to be,
The guy that always gets shot in every movie you see
Oh god she's walking this way, oh god what should i say,
I hope and pray that one day she'll be straight

(chorus)

So i was at a bar the other night and i looked across the room and there's this girl and she walks up to me and she's beautiful and she says 'hey, i'm katrina, dude, remember me?' and i freaked
D 'oh my god i thought you looked familiar' about this time this 400 fucking pound woman walks up with katrina's face tattooed on the side of her neck, she comes waddling and says 'don't fuck wi
Girl' i looked at jabba straight in the fucking eye and say 'don't worry every time i picture katrina's face it's gonna be on the side of your gross, fat-assed, 3 chinned neck' she says 'are y
Upid?' i say 'no i'm just sober!'**

(chorus)

And she beat the shit out of him

Go home and take off all your make up
Don't say a word about the break up
And as you're biting off your toenails
Make sure to scream that you're the only one
Who's ever fallen victim to a stand up prom dance
And slung 50 meters from a go-cart romance
You're not the only one

Look around
Wear your frown
It keeps you down, but baby, what do you know?

The only coolness is your new car
But does it make you wanna drive far
Better watch it, lights are turning red, up ahead
Slam on the breaks, and this is probably what will happen
Well your heart will stay protected cuz you put it in a safety belt
But your common sense went flying through the wind shield
You're not the only one

Walk to the corner, just another funny feeling
Sure enough, you were standin like a civil war statue
It's a steak through the heart without a steak on my plate
Left just spinning round in circles, darling is there nothing left for me now

You're wasting your time
I'm nothing like you, you're nothing like me, don't get me wrong
Don't waste your time, i'm not your type

By next sunday morning i was feeling just fine
Do you recall me asking if you wanted pizza and wine?
You said, "eating's not my thing, and the wine just makes me dizzy."
I know there's other victims will you please just tell me who he is now

What part of all this don't you understand
If the devil believed in persistence, you'd be put up on the stand
As elvis as my witness, i'm the king of never knowing what i want

Walk through the highlands with a pitbull terrier
Inhaling coffee with a 40 dollar pedicure
Outside i swear i smell a crazy couture line of clothes
With all these mirrors god i feel so vain i have to pose
The smell, chanel, it touched my nose and then i hit the floor
She said i only got this jacket in a 44
I can't afford to buy it anyway but that's okay
Just let me know your schedule, i'll check back here everyday

(and i'm)

For the girl behind the counter, and i'm the guy behind the guy
I'm the king of all composure before the retail girl, the retail girl passes by

She saw me with another girl the other day
I saw her with another girl, but that's okay
It's all crazy like that
And when she passes by she makes me feel so all alone
She makes me cry cuz she doesn't work the days i'm home
She makes me buy the things that don't even fit me
She makes me wonder why i never wear enough cologne

The clock is tick tick ticking away
She got a new pair of shades that she bought when she went shopping
Only 27 hours away
From skipping rope on a star, she's drinking gin with janis joplin

The earth is just starting to bore me
And all the people out there just adore me yeah

I wanna go to the sun (somebody take me there)
That's where the living is fun (and i won't get no evil stares)
I wanna go to the sun (somebody take me there)

She stole a class cutting pass today
And she can fake a teacher's signature like nobody can
I bet you'll never guess what she's gonna say
That i'm the captain of the rocket and you're the 2nd in command