Bigger & Deffer

Verse 1

I know a fat girl, she wears a orange skirt
You give her twenty dollars and you can do work
She'll take food stamps and a traveller's cheque
Because her hair and her face and her life's a wreck
She wears a bright blonde wig, some high heeled pumps
She's down in the dumps so she's sellin' her rump
She's a hot little momma and she works every day
If you wanna pay to play, here's where she stays
She's at the...

Chorus

(bristol hotel) room 515
(the bristol hotel) where that at? (jamaica, queens!)

Verse 2

I seen her standin' there, slutty as could be
Offering the putty for a itty-bitty fee
Every red light she'll come over to your ride
Or she's standin' in the doorway tellin' you to come inside
The bristol hotel, cos it ain't no thing
And her meat tastes better than burger king
Japanese executives in three-piece suits
Glasses all foggy when they come in the place
The girlies in the bristol, they're all in cahoots
He fell asleep and got robbed, and cold chumped his face at the...

Repeat chorus

Verse 3

Party people check the story cos the story is ill
It's the story of two men, one harold, one bill
They went inside the bristol on a saturday night
Harold was cool but bill felt uptight
The girlies made attempts but harold played it cool
"never ever rush, that's the golden rule
I been comin' to the bristol's ten years of my life
A-yo, what the hell? yo, man that's my wife!"

(the...)

Repeat chorus

Verse 4

You see, a bristol girl is a one of a kind
And if you know her good enough she won't make you stand on line
She'll let you inside, make you pay for the ride
Take off her pants and then it smells like somebody died
You say "what the heck", because you already paid
Not knowin' that the guy that went before you had aids
Bang bang boogie, she was so amusin'
Next week you're at the clinic gettin' blood transfusions
At the...

Repeat chorus

(the bristol hotel) (till fade)

Verse

Knuckleheads spreadin' gossip all over town
Every time i drive by you're just standin' around
Hundred-bottles in your pocket, forty-dog in your hand
Don't you know you're just a worker and your boss is my man?
L.l. this, l.l. that, soon as i walk in the place
I wanna take my gun and shoot you in your muthafuckin' face
You're playin' me too close with the schemin' and games
I guess the beef and the bullshit is the price of fame
Movies, records, goin' on tour
Twenty-thousand people hip-hoppin' on the floor
Whole parties body-rockin', and everything's chill
Get back to new york, and the suckers act ill
See i fought with the devil, made a promise to god
I have experience in goin' all the way to the top
It's harder harder than hard
All the suckers are barred
You used to try to talk down now your ego is scarred
See the problem is you want what another man has
His car, his wife, or his razzamatazz
But that's weak, you gotta do work on your own
Cuz when you're rich you got friends
But when you're poor you're alone
So get your own on your own, it'll strengthen your soul
Stop livin' off your parents like you're three years old
Instead of walkin' like you're limp and talkin' yang about me
Why don't you take your monkey-ass and get a college degree?
Or write a rhyme and ride a bike and try to live carefree
Hope my message reaches you before you're seventy-three
A old man, when people ask you what you did with your life
You'll say "i hated l.l. and i carried a big knife"
Every day is a chase, every day is a race
And every day you're being overpowered by my bass
Too much juice to be a deuce, i had to be a ace
It's like the fire's in my eyes and the gun's in my face
I'm stompin' stupid knuckleheads until they bleed
I'm the leader of the show, so it's up to me to lead
I'mma lead you away from drugs and petty crime
Lead you away from wack beats and rhyme
Lead you to that ticket line
So you can come in my show and watch the stars shine
Get busy, not dizzy, wanna teach the young
The last man who didn't listen ended up gettin' hung
Not that i killed him, it's just
He didn't wanna trust
The words of a master that's why you must
Take heed to the speech, it's gonna reach your ear
Don't try to say you can't hear cuz the words are clear
Throwin' flurries, punks scurry and i bury the rest
You better hurry up and rock a rhyme and give it your best
Cuz tonight's the night we gonna see the big fight
Twelve-gauge on the stage in case it don't go right
E-love drives a tank, he's strong like a truck
If you're cryin' while you're dyin' we ain't givin' a fuck
L.l. cool j is on the microphone
Tellin' all you punk ducks "leave me the hell alone"
Cuz i'm rated x, born to snap necks
Straight up and down, no special effects
I'm the professor, the teacher, the hip-hop dean
If russia bombed the u.s., they'd be scared to touch queens
Cuz that's where i live, and this is what i give
Turnin' top-notch crews into fugitives
They run, they frightened, they hide from king titan
Like a sniper when he's shootin' or a viper when he's bitin'
Here i am, tellin' the truth
And i'm spreadin' the word to my fellow youth
It goes man-to-man and jam-to-jam
I got hip-hop, rock, and love song fans
All you petty mc's in the state of new york
Gettin' a thousand for a show but you still wanna squawk
Can't get a decent contract, your beats ain't workin'
Dogged-out pumas plus you're manager's jerkin'
Your mic sounds weak, remember that skeezer
I'm badder than napoleon, hitler or caesar
I'm a hitman, but i'm not for hire
Fly girl's desire, the man you admire
Not only on the stage, i rock in the park
And i'm a killer in the daytime, and worse after dark
So don't never ever mess with the king of the sound
L.l. cool j, the baddest around.

(calling all cars, calling all cars...)
(be on the lookout for a tall light-skinned brother with dimples)
(wearing a black kangol, sweatsuit, gold chain, and sneakers)
(last seen on farmers boulevard headed east)
(alias l.l. cool j)
(he's bad...)
Aaaahhhhhhhhhh...

No rapper can rap quite like i can
I'll take a musclebound man and put his face in the sand
Not the last mafioso i'm a mc cop
Make you say, "go l.l. and do the wop"

If you think you can outrhyme me, yeah boy i bet
Cause i ain't met a motherfucker who can do that yet
Trendsetter i'm better my rhymes are good
I got a gourmet plate that says i wish you would

And when rap begin then i gotta join in and
Before my rhyme is over you know i'm a win
Cool j has arrived so you better make way
Ask anybody in the crowd they say the kid don't play!

Sparring competition that's my hobby and job
I don't wear a disguise because i don't own the mob
Got a pinpoint rap that makes you feel trapped
So many girls on my jock i think my phone here is tapped

I'm bad
(cool j)
(cool j)
(cool j)
(c c c c cool j j)
(cool j)
(c c c c c c c cool j j j j j)

I'm like tyson icin' i'm a soldier at war
I'm makin' sure you don't try to battle me no more
Got concrete rhymes been rappin' for ten years and
Even when i'm braggin' i'm bein' sincere

Mc's can't win i make 'em rust like tin
They call me jaws my hat is like a shark's fin
Because i'm bad as can be got my voice all waxed
Some brothers think he's making records now he must have relaxed

I couldn't shouldn't and it'll stay that way
The best rapper you've heard is l.l. cool j
Kamikaze take a look at what i've done
Used to rock in my basement now i'm number one

And can happen on time never standin' on lime
You wanna try me first you better learn how to rhyme
I'm the pinnacle that means i reign supreme
And i'm notorious i'll crush you like a jelly bean

I'm bad

I eliminate punks cut 'em up in chunks
You were souped you heard me and your ego shrunk
I'm devastating i'm so good it's a shame
Cause i eat rappers like a cannibal they call me insane

I'm as strong as a bull of course you know i am pull
I enjoy what i'm doing plus i'm paid in full
Not buckaroo bonsai but busted out as i
Say the kind of rhymes that make mc's withstand i tie

Never retire or put my mike on the shelf
The baddest rapper in the history of rap itself
Not bitter or mad just provin' i'm bad
You want a hit give me a hour plus a pen and a pad

Mc's they retreat cause they know i can beat 'em
And eat 'em in a battle and the ref won't cheat 'em
I'm the best takin' out all rookies
So forget oreos eat cool j coookies

I'm bad
(cool j)
(cool j)
(cool j)
(cool j j j)
(cool j j j)
(c cool j)

Never ever no never
Never wearin' no levis battle me why try
I'll treat you like a stepchild so tell mommy bye bye
Sparrin' mc's and i'm a never get with
When i retire i'll get worship like a old battleship

L.l. i'm bad other rappers know
When i enter the center they say, "yo, yo there he go!"
My paycheck's large mr. bogart in charge
Not a puncher or hunter from a rap cool large

The original todd teachin' how to be hard
Take the skin off a snake and split a pea from a pod
You're a novice i'm noble and i decipher my tongue
Not atilla the hun but no i'm threwler his son

My vulture's exact like rack and pinion in a jag
You try to brag you get your rhymes from a grab-bag
No good scavenger catfish vulture
My tongue's a chisel in this competition sculpture

I'm bad
(think i'm gonna need backup)
(think i'm gonna need backup)
(what you need that for?)
(yo this is l.l. cool j)
(and you'll never catch me so don't even try it)
(i'm too bad for ya, understand...)
Aaaaaahhhh... i'm bad!

and as you all know, i am hard as hell...

Woke up at 9:30 on a saturday morn,
Hit my remote control, turn my stereo on,
Then i reached for a brush since i don't use a pick,
And the floor was kinda cold so i put on my kix...
Went to the kitchen and ate some corn flakes
As i bopped to a tape a kut kreator's breaks
Wit hardcore, heavyweight b-boy blast,
Not soft, hardcore, kut kreator's fast...
Jumped in the shower it was boiling hot,
So i stayed there a hour cuz i like it a lot
Jumped out, dried off, put on the devon cologne,
Then i called up earl on the telephone...
He said there was a jam that we could do later on
Ten g's plus a limo for one short song
So i said yeah i was wit it, hung up and got geared,
Got a magnifyin' glass then i brushed my beard,
Rewound some tapes of some def jam tunes
As i waited for the skeez to ring the bell at noon....

12 o'clock came, left the door cracked,
The freak walked in, a mink on her back,
Put her coat on the rack, threw my sessmo(?) on
Then i threw in a tape of the quiet storm, we drank
Round hill cabernet sauvignon, she said l.l.
When you gonna let me taste your tongue...
Her skin got pale, i wham-bammed the tail,
Did it so hard i shoulda went ta jail...
She left, earl came over and we went outside,
Jumped in the b.m. ta bust a joyride..
Went up to aj's in my fresh black wheels
I'm not a sucka on a corner tryin' ta scrape up a meal...
The girlies want sex, da fellas try ta flex,
But those who flex end up wit broke necks...
Signed some autographs for a posse a freaks -
Said "it's l baby, i ain't down wit sheik"
Conversated wit da skeezers for ten minutes more
Then i jumped in my ride and the freak slammed the door...

?????? people think i do crimes
But they don't know i'm just a conniseur of hip hop rhymes -
Stop smilin, you think ?????? all of the time
But he don't know ?? my name's on his wife's behind
Ll has iced all the washed up slobs
Vigilante of rap, so the hell wit the mob
Don't run from the cops, makin' suckas chop
And i'm only eighteen makin' mo than yo pops
Tormentor of toys and boy scout boys
And i dare any critic to call it noize...

Peeked at the clock it said 6:03,
Said later to kreator and broke out wit e..
Went up ta white castle for a chocolate shake
Thinkin' bout a hundred thousand that i'd soon make
Finished up the snack, jumped up out my seat,
Then e-love hit the table and he made up a beat...
Kicked a few rhymes, stepped out the door
Said "tonight is a bore, i'm in the mood for more!"
Jumped in my ride, i took a peek at the time
It was almost 7:30 and the show was at 9
Ll cool j would soon stand at a jam
With thousands of people screamin' "touch my hand!"

But since i had a hour plus a half attached
I was searchin' for the cutie who's my perfect match...
Her name was renee, her face was ok
But she had the kind a body that made j wanna play
I said no need to rehearse, then i made my approach,
Said you got a good team, girl but ya need a new coach,
Said my name's ll cool if i may introduce
But i'm not here for conversation, i'm here ta seduce
Wanna mix it up baby, wanna feel ya grind
Cause it ain't fifth grade, and these ain't nursery rhymes
Now i know you heard ????? hardcore
Check out the real ll behind closed doors
Tell your buddies you're busy, tell your boyfriend beat it
Put up the silk dress cuz ya ain't gonna need it
Unplug the clock, do away with the light,
After five minutes or more ya here me say "that's right!"
Your body is bad, i heard you got a caddy,
When we make love you can call me daddy
I'm ll cool j, say hey renee,
I'm not a toy boy, but i still wanna play
Promise you i'm not wack when i'm in the sack,
After that i'll leave ya starvin for me to come back
But in the meantime, what ya did just now,
The next time i see ya, i'm goin' ta town

Stepped away from da freak, it was a quarter to 9
When i rode to the jam i saw the crew on line
Took a trip around the side so i could get backstage
If they call me a tiger then the stage is my cage
I rip, stomp and crush, heavy metal bands rust,
Those flaky knuckleheads i crumble up like crust
Walked in the dressin' room and then i heard four knocks
They said ll your runnin' late, and it's time ta rock!
Told kut kreator what the order would be
Then i said "lord have mercy" an slapped hands wit e,
Went on stage, i heard the girlies scream,
And at that very moment i woke up from the dream rrraaah!