Muswell Hillbillies

Here is a story about a sinner,
He used to be a winner who enjoyed a life of prominence and position,
But the pressures at the office and his socialite engagements,
And his selfish wife's fanatical ambition,
It turned him to the booze,
And he got mixed up with a floosie
And she led him to a life of indecision.
The floosie made him spend his dole
She left him lying on skid row
A drunken lag in some salvation army mission.
It's such a shame.

Oh demon alcohol,
Sad memories i cannot recall,
Who thought i would say,
Damn it all and blow it all,
Oh demon alcohol,
Memories i cannot recall,
Who thought i would fall a slave to demon alcohol.

Barley wine pink gin,
He'll drink anything,
Port, pernod or tequila,
Rum, scotch, vodka on the rocks,
As long as all his troubles disappeared.
But he messed up his life and he beat up his wife,
And the floosie's gone and found another sucker
She's gonna turn him on to drink
She's gonna lead him to the brink
And when his money's gone,
She'll leave him in the gutter,
It's such a shame.

Oh demon alcohol,
Sad memories i cannot recall,
Who thought i would fall,
A slave to demon alcohol.

Holiday,
Oh what a lovely day today,
I'm so glad they sent me away,
To have a little holiday today, holiday,
Holiday,
And i'm just standing on the end of a pier,
Hoping and dreaming you were here,
To share my little holiday,

Lookin' in the sky, for a gap in the clouds,
Sometimes i think that sun ain't never coming out,
But i'd rather be here than in that dirty old town,
I had to leave the city cos it broke me down,

Oh holiday, oh what a lovely day today,
I think i'll get down on my little knees and pray, thank you lord,
Thank heaven for this holiday, holiday,
I'm leaving insecurity behind me,
The environmental pressures got me down,
I don't need no sedatives to pull me round,
I don't need no sleeping pills to help me sleep sound,

Oh holiday,
Oh what a lovely day today,
I think i'll get down on my knees and pray,
That's what i'll do,
Thank heaven for this holiday,

Lying on the beach with my back burned rare,
And the salt gets in my blisters and the sand gets in my hair,
And the sea's an open sewer,
But i really couldn't care,
I'm breathing through my mouth so i don't have to sniff the air,

Oh holiday,
Oh what a lovely day today,
I'm so glad they sent me away,
To have a little holiday.

Granny's always ravin' and rantin'
And she's always puffin' and pantin',
And she's always screaming and shouting,
And she's always brewing up tea.

Grandpappy's never late for his dinner,
Cos he loves his leg of beef
And he washes it down with a brandy,
And a fresh made cup of tea.

Chorus:
Have a cuppa tea, have a cuppa tea,
Have a cuppa tea, have a cuppa tea,
Halleluja, halleluja, halleluja, rosie lea
Halleluja, halleluja, halleluja rosie lea.

If you feel a bit under the weather,
If you feel a little bit peeved,
Take granny's stand-by potion
For any old cough or wheeze.
It's a cure for hepatitis it's a cure for chronic insomnia,
It's a cure for tonsilitis and for water on the knee.

Chorus

Tea in the morning, tea in the evening, tea at supper
Time,
You get tea when it's raining, tea when it's snowing.
Tea when the weather's fine,
You get tea as a mid-day stimulant
You get tea with your afternoon tea
For any old ailment or disease
For christ sake have a cuppa tea.

Chorus,

Whatever the situation whatever the race or creed,
Tea knows no segregation, no class nor pedigree
It knows no motivations, no sect or organisation,
It knows no one religion,
Nor political belief.

Chorus.

Well i said goodbye to rosie rooke this morning,
I'm gonna miss her bloodshot alcoholic eyes,
She wore her sunday hat so she'd impress me,
I'm gonna carry her memory 'til the day i die.

They'll move me up to muswell hill tomorrow,
Photographs and souvenirs are all i've got,
They're gonna try and make me change my way of living,
But they'll never make me something that i'm not.

Cos i'm a muswell hillbilly boy,
But my heart lies in old west virginia,
Never seen new orleans, oklahoma, tennessee,
Still i dream of the black hills that i ain't never seen.

They're putting us in little boxes,
No character just uniformity,
They're trying to build a computerised community,
But they'll never make a zombie out of me.

They'll try and make me study elocution,
Because they say my accent isn't right,
They can clear the slums as part of their solution,
But they're never gonna kill my cockney pride.

Cos i'm a muswell hillbilly boy,
But my heart lies in old west virginia,
Though my hills are not green,
I have seen them in my dreams,
Take me back to those black hills,
That i have never seen.

Well i woke this morning with a pain in my neck,
A pain in my heart and a pain in my chest,
I went to the good doctor and the good doctor said,
You gotta slow down your life or you're gonna be dead,
Cut out the struggle and strife,
It only complicates your life.

Well i cut down women i cut out booze,
I stopped ironing my shirts, cleaning my shoes,
I stopped going to work, reading the news,
I'm sitting twiddling my thumbs cos i got nothing to do,
Minimal exercise,
To help uncomplicate my life,
Gotta stand and face it life is so complicated,
Ladi dah di dahdah, ladi dah di dah dah,
Got to get away from the complicated life son,
Life is overated, life is complicated,
Must aleviate this, complicated life.

Like old mother hubbard
I got nothin' in the cupboard,
Got no dinner and i got no supper,
Holes in my shoes i got holes in my socks,
I can't go to work cos i can't get a job,
The bills are rising sky high,
It's such a complicated life,
Gotta stand and face it,
Life is so complicated.

I'm too terrified to walk out of my own front door,
They're demonstrating outside i think they're gonna start the third world war,
I've been to my local head shrinker,
To help classify my disease,
He said it's one of the cases of acute schizophrenia he sees.

Well the milkman's a spy, and the grocer keeps on following me,
And the woman next door's an undercover for the k.g.b.,
And the man from the social security
Keeps on invading my privacy,
Oh there ain't no cure for acute schizophrenia disease.

I've got acute schizophrenia paranoia too,
Schizophrenia, schizophrenia,
I've got it, you've got it, we can't lose,
Acute schizophrenia blues.

I'm lost on the river, the river of no return,
I can't make decisions, i don't know which way i'm gonna turn,
Even my old dad, lost some of the best friends he ever had,
Apparently, his was a case of acute schizophrenia too.

I got acute schizophrenia paranoia too,
Schizophrenia, schizophrenia,
I've got it, you've got it, we can't lose,
Acute schizophrenia blues,

They're watching my house and they're tapping my telephone,
I can't trust nobody, but i'm much too scared to be on my own
And the income tax collector's got his beady eye on me,
Oh there ain't no cure for acute schizophrenia disease.

No there ain't no cure for
Schizophrenia disease.