unknown

You know my baby likes burping
You know my baby's kinda nauseating

[burps]

My little vulgar one is so gross
'cause when i hold her in my arms so close she goes

[burps]
And out in public it's embarrassing
She'll burp at anyone or anything
She's so revolting and disgusting
And repulsive to me, yeah

My little lady's so obnoxious
Today she walked onto a greyhound bus goin'

[burps]

And then a couple hours later
My baby's in a crowded elevator

[burps]

That little filthy pig is so obscene
I'm really glad she doesn't like beans
She's so revolting and disgusting
And repulsive to me, yeah

Oh, i wonder what's her trip
Oh, she'd better can it quick
Oh, i think i'm gonna be sick

If baby does it anymore
I think i'll just pretend like i don't know her

[burps]

You know my baby likes burping
You know my baby is really sickening

[burps]

That's enough, that's it

[record scratch]

Get your program running
Head out to the center
Terminals are waiting
For the data that you'll enter

Everybody says that you're a nerd, but
They should know that you just don't care
Got your hewlett-packard on your belt and
Vaseline in your hair

Like a true mommy's child
You were born, born to be mild
When your batteries die
You're always gonna cry
Born to be mild

Pencils in your pocket
Patent leather briefcase
Studying your fortran
You got pimples on your face

Gotta do your homework
Forget about the prom dance
They think that you're a big jerk
'cause you wear a pair of flood pants

Every day you wake up
Your oscilloscope is humming
Parties tend to break up
When they find out that you're coming

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Dit dit da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Boom shakalakalaka
Boom shakalakalaka
Nyaaaaaaaaaa-ahh boom

Homina
Homina
Homina homina homina

Ba ba oom mow mow
Ba ba oom mow ma mow
Ba ba oom mow mow
Ba ba oom mow ma mow

Mmmmmmmmmm doggie (turn neck to left, make cracking sound)

Heh he heh
La la la, nice lady

Cutta cutta cutta cutta
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay daw
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay daw
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay

Da da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta da

Wearin' old t-shirts and grubby jeans
People say i look kinda odd
Well, i'm never accepted in the social set
'cause they say that i'm a clod

But once in a while, i go to my closet
And i put on something mod
And when i step out in my leisure suit
People stand up and applaud

Leisure suit serenade
Slip one on and you got it made
You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade
That's the leisure suit serenade

Now, it don't matter if the collar's bent
If it's got nylon twenty percent
Now i'm as cool as the asb president
Leisure suit serenade

Leisure suit serenade
Slip one on and you got it made
You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade
That's the leisure suit serenade, oh yeah
That's the leisure suit serenade

Oh, i've really got those ozone layer blues
From my elbow down to my shoes
So let's throw another fire on the logs

Now we can go downtown and fill the latrine
With genuine columbian lima beans
Dynastic and elastic, it's all made out of plastic
There's nobody here but us frogs

I'd like to find a girl who really cares
About the size of my nasal hairs
She could feed bananas to the dogs

We could climb the church and look down from the steeple
Where all the ants look like people
Nutritious and delicious, it's even surreptitious
There's nobody here but us frogs

They say i'm crazy
But i couldn't care less
Why don't they leave me alone
Can't they see that i'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess

I get a thrill
Bein' mentally ill, yes i do
They seem to think it's a crime
But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes

That's why i'm happy here inside these padded walls
Makin' obscene telephone calls
And throwin' tv dinners to the hogs

I never trust a naked eskimo
And don't you eat that purple snow
Revolting and disgusting
My belly button's rusting
There's nobody here but us frogs

They say i'm crazy
But i couldn't care less
Why don't they leave me alone
Can't they see that i'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess

I get a thrill
Bein' mentally ill, yes i do
They seem to think it's a crime
But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes

That's why i'm happy here inside these padded walls
Makin' obscene telephone calls
And throwin' tv dinners to the hogs
I like to eat my ice cubes boiling hot
And wilshire boulevard's a commie plot

Amazingly congruent, and commonly affluent
Innately effervescent, surprisingly incessant
Superblier commended, eccentric and demented
There's nobody here but us
Nobody here but us
Nobody here but us frogs, i mean it
Nobody here but us frogs

I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them
Sam, i am

I do not like them here or there
I do not like them anywhere
I do not like them in a boat
I would not, could not, with a goat

I will not eat them in the rain
I do not like them on a train
I do not like them in a box
I will not eat them with a fox

I do not like them in a house
I would not, could not, with a mouse
I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them
Sam, i am

Green eggs and ham
Green eggs and ham
Don't like green eggs and ham

You gotta keep 'em separated

You like the latest fashions
You'd like to keep 'em clean
You take a trip every week to the laundromat
Throw a load in the washing machine

But if you don't wanna ruin your clothes
You gotta sort 'em out first as everyone knows
Remember bright colors and the others don't mix
Before you wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up
Hey

Are your undies turning pink
Take 'em out (you gotta keep'em separated)
Hey, are your cottons gonna shrink
Sort 'em out (you gotta keep'em separated)

Hey, then when it's time
You can stick' em in the dryer
You can hang 'em on a line
Hey, it's laundry day

Everywhere, i see them there
I stop and stare at patterns
I don't care, i must declare
I've got a flair for patterns

On my hair, the clothes i wear
My savoir faire is patterns
All i see is patterns
The patterns that repeat

Let's go into the bathroom
I know we're in a room where you would not expect much math
Usually you're in here for a shower or a bath
But if you gaze upon the floor, and if you're kinda smart
You'll see the repetition is like geometric art

Wow, haha
Look

Everywhere, i see them there
I stop and stare at patterns
I don't care, i must declare
I've got a flair for patterns

On my hair, the clothes i wear
My savoir faire is patterns
All i see is patterns
The patterns that repeat

Hey!

A polkameister like myself never has to be bored
I just grab my ax and play some patterns on my keyboard
Now's the time for earplugs if you care about your health
So stand back, everybody, i'm gonna express myself

Look at this, patterns
I've got blisters on my fingers
Woo, hey, aw, get down
Yeah, help me, somebody, woo

Still there? okay

Next time you find yourself at an exciting polka party
You can make some patterns with your feet and with your body
If you don't know the steps yet, here's the gang with all the answers
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing, the "weird al" polka dancers

Here they are

Everywhere, we see them there
We stop and stare at patterns
We don't care, we must declare
We've got a flair for patterns

On our hair, the clothes we wear
Our savoir faire is patterns
All we see is patterns
The patterns that repeat

Wallpaper, skyscrapers, funny papers, patterns
Evergreens, nouvelle cuisine, human beings, patterns
Garden rakes, wedding cakes, rattlesnakes, patterns
Golden wheat, little feet, my heartbeat

I gotta stop

Patterns, patterns, patterns, patterns

If i could make love to a bottle
The first thing that i'd like to do
I'd search the world over to find one
That had the exact same circumference as you

I'm never satisfied with three meals a day
While the world is sleeping i'll be munching away
Gonna sneak into the kitchen, gonna tiptoe down and turn on the light
Right, yeah, if no one's around to see you
It don't matter if you snack all night

A million chicken bones are under my bed
A pile of twinkie wrappers all 'round my head
Jelly doughnuts to the left of me
Got a bag of chocolate chips on the right
Right, yeah, if you don't mind the calories
It don't matter if you snack all night

Late at night, you're hungry
You're craving some pizza
Let me be the one that you call

Olive or anchovy
Perhaps pepperoni
Anything you want, we've got it all

Near, far, i'll jump in my car
You just call in your order and i'm gone
You know, we hand toss our dough
Just tell me what you want and the toppings will go on and on

Deep dish, whatever you wish
Even get two for one with a coupon
You must try our special crust
But just don't eat too fast or your heartburn will go on and on

Hi
This is "weird al" yankovic and you're listening to the dr. demento show

Hello, this is "weird al" yankovic.
You know, some of my favorite memories are those of christmastime. i still remember when i was a little boy, just waiting for the big day. mom would be cooking up a mess of boysenberry and tunafish burritos for our big christmas dinner, and dad would be decorating the tree with little bits of spam. and then, the big day would finally arrive. i'd stay up all night and wait for santa, a-and when he finally showed up, we'd all hold his hands down in the waffle maker until he promised to give us everything we wanted! ah, yeah, those were the days. well, merry christmas everybody, and, let's do lunch.

we are, on fire, we have, desires, but one, is that way, one backstreet boy is
Gay.
And we dont want to be mean, since now he's a queen, dont ask please, "which
Backstreet boy is gay?"

Tell me who? aint sayin that its aj
Tell me who? aint sayin that its howie
Tell me who? i never wanna hear you say: "which backstreet boy is gay?"

Now i can see him, he's in womens clothes, but he dont need an iud, yeah,
He likes village people, he's playin croquet, his dog is a pekinese.
He is on fire, his back, prespires,
Wont say, wont say, wont say, whos gay!
He's always sayin: aint nuthin but a butt-ache, aint nuthin but a friutcake,
He's pickin up a souffl which backstreetboy is gay?

Ok, we're all gay.

When we were young, bernie's deli was down the block
(ooh ooh ooh ooh)
He made a great liver pate
(you know he did, you know he did, you know he did)
But if there's one thing in this world that i like better
Than a corned beef on rye

It's chicken pot pie
Chicken pot pie

(chorus of chicken-cluck imitations)

Someday i'm gonna pack up
And then i'm goin' back up
To that place where sentimental feelings arouse

Where the grass is so green
And the air is so clean
That when the wind is right you can even smell the cows

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

If you're new in town
Then you'll wanna look around
But you don't know where to begin
Well, there's bubble gum alley
And the local car rally
Not to mention the toilets at madonna inn

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

It's not much of a hassle
To drive up to hearst's castle
And it's not too far from pismo beach or morro rock

You can visit downtown at your leisure
Because for your shopping pleasure
The stores never close down until five o'clock

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

(telephone dialing)

Just eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Oh, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Hi
This is al
But you can call me "weird", as is "weird al"
"weird al" yankovic

I'm not home right now
So feel free to come over and go through my refrigerator
Well, i guess you gotta find my house first

Anyway, like i was saying, i'm not home right now
So stay on the line until i return

Ok, well, that might be a while, so i tell you what
I'll patch you through to my favorite radio station, how's that
It'll keep you totally entertained
It's kidstar 1250, radio just for kids, and it goes something like this

(beep)

When i was a little boy
(when i was just a boy)
And my mother would call my name
(when i was just a boy)
She'd say i had to be in the house by seven
(when i was just a boy)

But i'd stay out late at night
(when i was just a boy)
And when i'd finally get back in
Oh, i know she'd hit me, she'd hit me
She'd sit me on her knees and whip me

Oh, she'd hit me with a rock
She'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
She'd hit me (hit me with a rock)
She'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)

And when i was grown to be a man
(grown to be a man)
The minute the boss would call my name
(grown to be a man)
And say i had to be in the office by seven
(grown to be a man)

I'm a constipated man
(grown to be a man)
And when i'd finally get back in
Oh, my boss'd hit me, he'd hit me
He'd tie me to a chair and whip me

Oh he'd hit me with a rock
He'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
He'd hit me (hit me with a rock)
He'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)

When i was grown to be president
(was the president)
The minute the congress'd call my name
(was the president)
And said some papers had to be signed by thursday
(had to be signed by thursday)

I'd fly away to pakistan
(was the president)
And the second that i'd get back home
Oh, i know they'd hit me, they'd hit me
With leather and chains they'd whip me

Oh, they'd hit me with a rock
They'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
They'd hit me. (hit me with a rock)
They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)
Hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)
They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)
Yah yah yah yah yah yah
(hit me with a rock)
(hit with a rock)
Ow, whaddaya doin' to me, get away from me
(hit with a rock, oh baby)
(hit with a rock)
(he's gettin' hit with a rock)
(he's gettin' hit with a rock, oh baby)
(hit with a rock)

Wait a minute, hold it
I think he's dead
Let's leave
Let's get out of here, man

What's the matter with the songs he's singin'
Can't you tell that they're pretty lame
After listenin' to a couple albums
Well, they all start to sound the same

So he tried to change his musical style
He tossed all his ballads in the circular file
Then he found the punk sound
Breakin' ground all around
It's still billy joel to me

What's the matter with the tune he's writin'
Well, you know it's gonna be a smash
It's so nice when you're a big name artist
Doesn't matter if it sounds like trash

Now everybody thinks the new wave is super
Just ask linda ronstadt or even alice cooper
It's a big hit, isn't it
Even if it's a piece of junk
It's still billy joel to me

Woah, it doesn't matter what the critics say about him
'cause he doesn't worry how they feel
When you're record's sellin' millions and it's goin' triple platinum
You don't worry 'bout your next meal
'cause money is no big deal

Maybe he should dye his hair bright pink
And stick a safety pin through his cheeks
Then he'd really fit the new wave image
But he couldn't sit down for weeks

Don't you know about the record business, honey
You gotta be trendy if you wanna make some money
Now everybody's sayin' that he sure sounds funny
But it's still billy joel to me

All right, alfred
Oh

I can hardly wait 'til his next album
Well, i'll bet it's gonna be the rage
Buy a ticket to his next big concert
Well, i wonder what he'll do on stage

It might be disco and it might be the blues
Or maybe even somethin' like the b-52's
Just a handclap, finger snap
Even if it's mindless pap
It's still billy joel to me

Everybody's sayin' that he sure sounds funny
But it's still billy joel to me

Cheerios, apple jacks, cheerios
Did you know froot loops fit in your nose
I may be just a simple guy
But just the thought of corn flakes makes me high

Cheerios, cocoa puffs, cheerios
Makes me want to take off all my clothes
I love them dearly, and that's how it goes
Cheerios, apple jacks, cheerios

You don't take your showers
You don't use ban roll on
Please don't come near me anymore
I'll throw up on the floor because you make me ill

I remember when

You used to smell half-decent
That hasn't been too recent
Now your repulsing all the people you know
You perspire freely, your dandruff's like snow
And you're drawing flies everywhere that you go

'cuz you don't take your showers anymore

I had to buy some airwick
You even made my dog sick
You can't come over anymore 'cuz your hygiene is poor
And besides, you're a slob

You create a nuisance
When you're out in public
When you walk up to people in your smelly old clothes
And they just run from you, holding their nose
And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'cuz you don't take your showers anymore

And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'cuz you don't change your undies
And you don't use ban roll on
And you don't take your showers anymore

Well, i stare at myself in the mirror
When i wake up every morn
And i marvel at how great i've been
Since the day that i was born

I've made so many albums
I've run out of things to name 'em
My fans all want to be like me
And really, who can blame 'em

Teenage groupies all surround me
I guess i know why
No one else can match my charm
Why do they even try

All the girls in college
Turned me down for other fellas
But i know why, it seems to me
They're just insanely jealous
Who wouldn't be

Some people call it self-indulgence
But they just don't understand
That it's hard to be too humble
When you know that you're so grand

And i'm not trying to say i'm perfect
I just want you to see
That i've never met a person
Who's as wonderful as me

Now, i'm not arrogant or haughty
And i'm certainly not conceited
But anyone trying to match my wits
Is very soon defeated

I'm a marvellous human being
I'm just one big hunk of man
Sometimes i have to marvel
At how very great i am

Some people call it self-indulgence
But they just don't understand
That it's hard to be too humble
When you know that you're so grand

And i'm not trying to say i'm perfect
I just want you to see
That i've never met a person
Who's as marvellous, spectacular
Fantastic and terrific
And so very great and wonderful as me