unknown

Oy
Oy

Down on the street they got bagels
And there's a sale on cream cheese and lox
Nosh on some blintzes and bratwurst
Not in the mood for jack-in-the-box

Oy vey

We gonna schlepp on through to flatbush avenue
Kielbasa and chopped liver
We gonna schlepp on through to flatbush avenue
Or maybe they'll deliver

(one, two, thray, four)
(one, two [nasal hocking sound])

I used to be a pinball freak
That's where you'd find me every week
But now it's pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

I love to gobble up those dots
Keep pumpin' quarters in the slots
They call it pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

At the game arcade, they say i'm hard core
I can play all day 'til my hands are sore
And i quit my job just to play some more
But i won't give up 'til i break high score

Pacman [music from pacman "intermission"]

Well it's the pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

Well it takes a lot of cash to play
(pacman, get the cherry)
So i'm gonna sell my house today
(pacman, eat 'em up)

I'm playin' pacman
Yeah it's the pac-ma-an

Hey mom, i won't be home this year
(pacman)
Please forward all my mail right here
(pacman)
I'm at the pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

And you're playing with no one but me
Pacman

[music from pacman "intermission"]
[sound from when pacman dies]

Fatter, fatter
Shake 'n bake, fatter
Shake 'n bake, fatter
Fatter

Corndogs, pizza, coca cola
Yogurt, butterscotch, granola
Look at me, i'm fatter
I'm fatter, i'm fatter

Friends all gather 'round me
My enemies surround me
Yelling "fatso, fatso, fatso"
I've eaten at every single greasy spoon on seventh avenue
That's right, i'm fatter

Don't you know my weight is going up, up, up, up, up
I tell you, this turkey sure is tough
Tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough

They got pizza on the west side
French fries up town
Corn dogs deep fried in batter
I'm fatter

Go ahead, bite the big apple
Don't mind the calories
Pile it on my platter
I'm fatter

Pile it up, pile it high up

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Dit dit da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Boom shakalakalaka
Boom shakalakalaka
Nyaaaaaaaaaa-ahh boom

Homina
Homina
Homina homina homina

Ba ba oom mow mow
Ba ba oom mow ma mow
Ba ba oom mow mow
Ba ba oom mow ma mow

Mmmmmmmmmm doggie (turn neck to left, make cracking sound)

Heh he heh
La la la, nice lady

Cutta cutta cutta cutta
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay daw
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay daw
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay

Da da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta da

How about making a run for the border
How about me deserving a break today
How about getting some fries with my order
How about finally letting me have it my way

Thank you burger king
Thank you dairy queen
Thank you, thank you kfc

Thank you pizza hut
Thank you taco bell
Thank you so much wendy's

Oh, i've really got those ozone layer blues
From my elbow down to my shoes
So let's throw another fire on the logs

Now we can go downtown and fill the latrine
With genuine columbian lima beans
Dynastic and elastic, it's all made out of plastic
There's nobody here but us frogs

I'd like to find a girl who really cares
About the size of my nasal hairs
She could feed bananas to the dogs

We could climb the church and look down from the steeple
Where all the ants look like people
Nutritious and delicious, it's even surreptitious
There's nobody here but us frogs

They say i'm crazy
But i couldn't care less
Why don't they leave me alone
Can't they see that i'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess

I get a thrill
Bein' mentally ill, yes i do
They seem to think it's a crime
But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes

That's why i'm happy here inside these padded walls
Makin' obscene telephone calls
And throwin' tv dinners to the hogs

I never trust a naked eskimo
And don't you eat that purple snow
Revolting and disgusting
My belly button's rusting
There's nobody here but us frogs

They say i'm crazy
But i couldn't care less
Why don't they leave me alone
Can't they see that i'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess

I get a thrill
Bein' mentally ill, yes i do
They seem to think it's a crime
But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes

That's why i'm happy here inside these padded walls
Makin' obscene telephone calls
And throwin' tv dinners to the hogs
I like to eat my ice cubes boiling hot
And wilshire boulevard's a commie plot

Amazingly congruent, and commonly affluent
Innately effervescent, surprisingly incessant
Superblier commended, eccentric and demented
There's nobody here but us
Nobody here but us
Nobody here but us frogs, i mean it
Nobody here but us frogs

I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them
Sam, i am

I do not like them here or there
I do not like them anywhere
I do not like them in a boat
I would not, could not, with a goat

I will not eat them in the rain
I do not like them on a train
I do not like them in a box
I will not eat them with a fox

I do not like them in a house
I would not, could not, with a mouse
I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them
Sam, i am

Green eggs and ham
Green eggs and ham
Don't like green eggs and ham

If i could make love to a bottle
The first thing that i'd like to do
I'd search the world over to find one
That had the exact same circumference as you

In the year of 1970
Underneath the old smogberry tree
First was heard a man that we all know
The one and only dr. demento

Nixon, ford, and carter, reagan too
Remember all they did and didn't do
Through it all, one consistency
Spending once a week with dr. d

So wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Changes come, seasons pass
Like alice through the looking glass
He shares a world of madness that we cheer
For fifteen roly poly years.

So wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Don't forget to stay demented

Everybody sing
He has a very friendly, fuzzy face
And nobody could ever take his place
His fans around the globe will never dwindle
'cause he fits so many records on his spindle

Stacks of laughing wax from floor to ceiling
Well, it gives him such a warm internal feeling
Whether you're italian or egyptian
He's bound to fill your musical prescription

Wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

In the year of 1970
Underneath the old smogberry trees
First was heard a man that we all know
The one and only dr. demento

Yeah

Everywhere, i see them there
I stop and stare at patterns
I don't care, i must declare
I've got a flair for patterns

On my hair, the clothes i wear
My savoir faire is patterns
All i see is patterns
The patterns that repeat

Let's go into the bathroom
I know we're in a room where you would not expect much math
Usually you're in here for a shower or a bath
But if you gaze upon the floor, and if you're kinda smart
You'll see the repetition is like geometric art

Wow, haha
Look

Everywhere, i see them there
I stop and stare at patterns
I don't care, i must declare
I've got a flair for patterns

On my hair, the clothes i wear
My savoir faire is patterns
All i see is patterns
The patterns that repeat

Hey!

A polkameister like myself never has to be bored
I just grab my ax and play some patterns on my keyboard
Now's the time for earplugs if you care about your health
So stand back, everybody, i'm gonna express myself

Look at this, patterns
I've got blisters on my fingers
Woo, hey, aw, get down
Yeah, help me, somebody, woo

Still there? okay

Next time you find yourself at an exciting polka party
You can make some patterns with your feet and with your body
If you don't know the steps yet, here's the gang with all the answers
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing, the "weird al" polka dancers

Here they are

Everywhere, we see them there
We stop and stare at patterns
We don't care, we must declare
We've got a flair for patterns

On our hair, the clothes we wear
Our savoir faire is patterns
All we see is patterns
The patterns that repeat

Wallpaper, skyscrapers, funny papers, patterns
Evergreens, nouvelle cuisine, human beings, patterns
Garden rakes, wedding cakes, rattlesnakes, patterns
Golden wheat, little feet, my heartbeat

I gotta stop

Patterns, patterns, patterns, patterns

Late at night, you're hungry
You're craving some pizza
Let me be the one that you call

Olive or anchovy
Perhaps pepperoni
Anything you want, we've got it all

Near, far, i'll jump in my car
You just call in your order and i'm gone
You know, we hand toss our dough
Just tell me what you want and the toppings will go on and on

Deep dish, whatever you wish
Even get two for one with a coupon
You must try our special crust
But just don't eat too fast or your heartburn will go on and on

Hi
This is "weird al" yankovic and you're listening to the dr. demento show

Hello, this is "weird al" yankovic.
You know, some of my favorite memories are those of christmastime. i still remember when i was a little boy, just waiting for the big day. mom would be cooking up a mess of boysenberry and tunafish burritos for our big christmas dinner, and dad would be decorating the tree with little bits of spam. and then, the big day would finally arrive. i'd stay up all night and wait for santa, a-and when he finally showed up, we'd all hold his hands down in the waffle maker until he promised to give us everything we wanted! ah, yeah, those were the days. well, merry christmas everybody, and, let's do lunch.

we are, on fire, we have, desires, but one, is that way, one backstreet boy is
Gay.
And we dont want to be mean, since now he's a queen, dont ask please, "which
Backstreet boy is gay?"

Tell me who? aint sayin that its aj
Tell me who? aint sayin that its howie
Tell me who? i never wanna hear you say: "which backstreet boy is gay?"

Now i can see him, he's in womens clothes, but he dont need an iud, yeah,
He likes village people, he's playin croquet, his dog is a pekinese.
He is on fire, his back, prespires,
Wont say, wont say, wont say, whos gay!
He's always sayin: aint nuthin but a butt-ache, aint nuthin but a friutcake,
He's pickin up a souffl which backstreetboy is gay?

Ok, we're all gay.

Since you've been gone
Well, i feel like i've been chewing on tinfoil
Since you've been gone
It's like i got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil
Oh well, i'm feelin like i stuck my hand
Inside a blender and turned it on
You know, i've been in a buttload of pain
Since you've been gone

(since you've been gone)
I couldn't feel any worse if you dropped
A two-ton bowling ball on my toes
(since you've been gone)
It couldn't hurt any more if you shoved
A red-hot cactus up my nose

Since you've been gone
Well, it feels like i'm getting tetanus shots every day
Since you've been gone
It's like i've got an ice cream headache that won't go away
Ever since that day you left me
I've been so miserable, my dear
I feel almost as bad as i did
When you were still here

When we were young, bernie's deli was down the block
(ooh ooh ooh ooh)
He made a great liver pate
(you know he did, you know he did, you know he did)
But if there's one thing in this world that i like better
Than a corned beef on rye

It's chicken pot pie
Chicken pot pie

(chorus of chicken-cluck imitations)

Well, i think you're obnoxious
And i think that you stink
I think you're a moron
A slob, and a fink
You're one of the biggest turkeys i know
And that is the reason i'm going to

Throw gravy on you
And throw gravy on you
And throw gravy, gravy on you-ou-ou-ou-ou

Now, you won't find me braggin'
'bout my big green station wagon
Or tellin' 'bout the traffic laws i'm breakin'
Everybody knows that i wouldn't dare
Match my wits with a red corvair
And just the thought of a pinto leaves me shakin'

Now, i don't think that i could hack
Drivin' a big white cadillac
With ripped up upholstery and unnecessary frills
No, i don't think that i could bear
Drivin' somethin' other than a belvedere
In a belvedere i can really get my thrills

Goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight
Just watch me pass that porsche on the right
I can take you anywhere
In my 1964 belvedere
Goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight

I don't think that i could cruise
In one of those small vw's
Or zip along the highway in a classy pickup truck
There's somethin' 'bout a comet
That makes me wanna vomit
And those datsuns just ain't worth a fudgesicle, no

Goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight
You got nothin' to lose but your life
It can take away your blues
All you've gotta do is cruise
In my big black plymouth belvedere tonight

With red upholstery
Goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight, yes indeed
Woo, goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight
Yeah, goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight

Someday i'm gonna pack up
And then i'm goin' back up
To that place where sentimental feelings arouse

Where the grass is so green
And the air is so clean
That when the wind is right you can even smell the cows

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

If you're new in town
Then you'll wanna look around
But you don't know where to begin
Well, there's bubble gum alley
And the local car rally
Not to mention the toilets at madonna inn

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

It's not much of a hassle
To drive up to hearst's castle
And it's not too far from pismo beach or morro rock

You can visit downtown at your leisure
Because for your shopping pleasure
The stores never close down until five o'clock

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

What's the matter with the songs he's singin'
Can't you tell that they're pretty lame
After listenin' to a couple albums
Well, they all start to sound the same

So he tried to change his musical style
He tossed all his ballads in the circular file
Then he found the punk sound
Breakin' ground all around
It's still billy joel to me

What's the matter with the tune he's writin'
Well, you know it's gonna be a smash
It's so nice when you're a big name artist
Doesn't matter if it sounds like trash

Now everybody thinks the new wave is super
Just ask linda ronstadt or even alice cooper
It's a big hit, isn't it
Even if it's a piece of junk
It's still billy joel to me

Woah, it doesn't matter what the critics say about him
'cause he doesn't worry how they feel
When you're record's sellin' millions and it's goin' triple platinum
You don't worry 'bout your next meal
'cause money is no big deal

Maybe he should dye his hair bright pink
And stick a safety pin through his cheeks
Then he'd really fit the new wave image
But he couldn't sit down for weeks

Don't you know about the record business, honey
You gotta be trendy if you wanna make some money
Now everybody's sayin' that he sure sounds funny
But it's still billy joel to me

All right, alfred
Oh

I can hardly wait 'til his next album
Well, i'll bet it's gonna be the rage
Buy a ticket to his next big concert
Well, i wonder what he'll do on stage

It might be disco and it might be the blues
Or maybe even somethin' like the b-52's
Just a handclap, finger snap
Even if it's mindless pap
It's still billy joel to me

Everybody's sayin' that he sure sounds funny
But it's still billy joel to me

Cheerios, apple jacks, cheerios
Did you know froot loops fit in your nose
I may be just a simple guy
But just the thought of corn flakes makes me high

Cheerios, cocoa puffs, cheerios
Makes me want to take off all my clothes
I love them dearly, and that's how it goes
Cheerios, apple jacks, cheerios

Had ourselves a little barbeque
Corn on the cob and mashed potatoes too
Joe got the fritos, ernie got the stew
So what did you bring

We got the beef
We got the beef
We got the beef
Yeah, we got it

(we got the beef)
Now, everybody get on your feet (we got the beef)
Grab a hunk of ??? beef (we got the beef)
Chuck daddy (we got the beef)
Now, ground round by the pound

We got the beef (we got the beef)
We got the beef (we got the beef, we got the beef)
We got the beef (we got the beef, we got the)
We got the beef

Well, i stare at myself in the mirror
When i wake up every morn
And i marvel at how great i've been
Since the day that i was born

I've made so many albums
I've run out of things to name 'em
My fans all want to be like me
And really, who can blame 'em

Teenage groupies all surround me
I guess i know why
No one else can match my charm
Why do they even try

All the girls in college
Turned me down for other fellas
But i know why, it seems to me
They're just insanely jealous
Who wouldn't be

Some people call it self-indulgence
But they just don't understand
That it's hard to be too humble
When you know that you're so grand

And i'm not trying to say i'm perfect
I just want you to see
That i've never met a person
Who's as wonderful as me

Now, i'm not arrogant or haughty
And i'm certainly not conceited
But anyone trying to match my wits
Is very soon defeated

I'm a marvellous human being
I'm just one big hunk of man
Sometimes i have to marvel
At how very great i am

Some people call it self-indulgence
But they just don't understand
That it's hard to be too humble
When you know that you're so grand

And i'm not trying to say i'm perfect
I just want you to see
That i've never met a person
Who's as marvellous, spectacular
Fantastic and terrific
And so very great and wonderful as me

It was just the other day
When we went to joe's cafe
Just to order up a couple steaks to eat

But we noticed something wrong
All the worcestershire was gone
But the waitress brought a different kind of treat

She said this sauce was the chef's new creation
Guaranteed, it's a new taste sensation
But she warned us it's made out of prunes
"try a little if you dare"
"nothing can compare"
So we had some and now we swear
We won't eat prunes again

That was such a dirty trick
Boy, it really made us sick
Well it looks like we've been done in by the prune

Still the memory lingers on
I been livin' in the john
'cause i've had the runs since monday afternoon

I'd sell my soul for some new constipation
Need a cure for this new aggravation
Diarrhea has taken its toll
Still got the runs today
Just like yesterday
Buddy, that's why i'm hear to say
We won't eat prunes again

Won't eat prunes again
No no

Yeah

Eat the new sauce
Same as the old sauce