Poodle Hat

I, man, am regal - a German am I

Never odd or even
If I had a hi-fi
Madam, I'm Adam
Too hot to hoot
No lemons, no melon
Too bad I hid a boot
Lisa Bonet ate no basil
Warsaw was raw
Was it a car or a cat I saw?

Rise to vote, sir
Do geese see god?
"Do nine men interpret" "Nine men," I nod
Rats live on no evil star
Won't lovers revolt now?
Race fast, safe car
Pa's a sap
Ma is as selfless as I am
May a moody baby doom a yam?

Ah, Satan sees Natasha
No devil lived on
Lonely Tylenol
Not a banana baton
No "x" in "Nixon"
O, stone, be not so
O Geronimo, no minor ego
"Naomi," I moan
"A Toyota's a Toyota"
A dog, a panic in a pagoda

Oh, no! Don Ho!
Nurse, I spy gypsies - run!
Senile felines
Now I see bees I won
UFO tofu
We panic in a pew
Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo
God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog!
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog

Parody of "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne


Uh huh... extra cheese
Uh huh, uh huh... save a piece for me

Pizza party at your house
I went just to check it out
19 extra larges - what a shame
No one came
Just us, eatin' all alone
You said, "Take the pizza home"
"No sense lettin' all this go to waste"
So then I faced
Pizza all day
And every day
This cheese 'round the clock
Is gettin' me blocked
And I sure don't care
For irregularity

Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?
'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated
In the bathroom... I sit and I wait and I strain
And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain
Oh, should I take the laxatives or have my colon irrigated?
No no no

I was feelin' pretty down
Till my girlfriend came around
We're just so alike in every way
I gotta say
In fact, I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly
But woe is me
Who would have guessed
Her family crest
I'd suddenly spy
Tattooed on her thigh
And son-of-a-gun
It's just like the one on me

Tell me
How was I supposed to know we were both related?
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated
What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
No no no

I had so much on my mind
I thought maybe I'd unwind
Try out that new roller coaster ride
And the guide
Said not to stand
But that's a demand
That I couldn't meet
I got on my feet
And stood up instead
And knocked off my head, you see

Tell me
Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?
This really is a major inconvenience , oh man, I really hate it
Such a drag now... Can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore
I can't belch or yodel anymore
Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated
Oh no

Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (Yeah yeah)
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated
What a bummer
Can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeze
But my neck is enjoyin' a pleasant breeze now
Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated
No no no

Finger food and an ice cold keg

It won't cost you an arm and a leg
Dance all night to a rotten band
Come on, people, let's give 'em a hand
Saturday night it's the place to be
Everybody cut footloose with me
At the party at the leper colony
Oh, there's a party at the leper colony

Met a little lady so pretty and young
She was quite a talker till the cat got her tongue
She oozed up beside me, I turned on my charm
Well, pretty soon she was completely disarmed
I said, "Girl, now don't fall to pieces on me"
But she cried her eyes out . literally
At the party at the leper colony
Oh, there's a party at the leper colony
Hey! Hey!

Hey now, buddy, don't you give me no lip
Sorry I was using your head for a dip
There's a guy in the hot tub, I don't know who
Wait a minute, it looks like Stu
Well, hold the phone now, what do I see?
Another pretty mama got her eye on me
At the party at the leper colony
Oh, there's a party at the leper colony
There's a party at the leper colony
(Party at the leper colony)
There's a party at the leper colony
(Party at the leper colony)
Oh, there's a party at the leper colony, yeah, party at the leper colony
Well, there's a party at the lepr colony
(Party at the leper colony)
Hey!

Parody of "Lose Yourself" by Eminem


Look
If you had
One shot
To sit on your lazy butt
And watch all the TV you ever wanted
Until your brain turned to mush
Would you go for it
Or just let it slip?

Yo
Remote is ready
Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
There's Flintstone's on the TV already
Wilma N' Betty
No virgin to channel surfin
And I'm HD ready
So I flip, garbage is all I'm getting
There's Simon Cowell
Who folks wanna disembowel
He opens his mouth, always says something foul
They're dying, Wow!
Wannabe's are crying now
He votes them out
Time to throw in the towel

Show's based on reality
Oh the humanity!
Oh! Ozzy's family!
Sho' loves profanity!
Whoa! The insanity!
Oh! Dogs that crap and pee
Home of depravity?
No! They live happily

Yo! Plus "The Ali G Show"
And "Celebrity Mole"
Oh there's Anna Nicole
She's scaring me
"Look ma, no cavities!"
Oh! It's a station break
Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

"You're gonna lose your mind watchin TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (yo)

"You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV"
They told me, cajoled me
"Turn off those music videos!" (no!)
I'm gonna watch C-SPAN TV Land and HBO
The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (yo)
"You're Gonna..."

My butt is aching
As I watch NASCAR racing
That show about undertaking
Larry King to "24" to "Law and Order"
The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes
Ancient reporters next up on "E True Hollywood Story"
The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey

Shows for next fall, they've already been naming
"CSI: Boise", and "Touched By An Uncle", both sound prettying lame, man
so does "Everybody Tolerates Raymond"
and "King of Queens" jumped the shark the first minute
I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it.

I'll move right on to "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenaged Daughter"
Then I bet I'll watch "The Bachelorette"
Followed by "Welcome Back, Kotter"
And "The Muppet Show" where they go "Mahna Mahna"

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I still tune in every show (show)
My cable gets C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Disney Channel, and A&E and Lifetime

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me
But I still love Lisa Kudrow (drow)
I'm lookin' at C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (yo)

Never missed "Melrose Place" or "Lost in Space"
I've seen each "Amazing Race" and "Without a Trace"
But I only watched "Will and Grace" one time one day
Wished I hadn't cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay

Oh, and "Fear Factor" I watched maybe a half hour
After that felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambition
"Next week on FOX - watch lions eat Christians!"

Like to tie up those programming planners
Make'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like "Scanners"
Leech-covered grub-eating fools on "Survivor"
Look, there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider

And there's Gilligan and SpongeBob, plus there's MacGyver
And Jay Leno has got Madonna and hey, there's Luke Perry
And a special all pig-latin episode of "Drew Carey"

Wanna turn on ET cause I'm a gossip freak
And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week
A 30 second spot, then we come back to "Are You Hot?"
I was planning on recording "The Sopranos". I forgot!
I love shows with or without a plot
I stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got
one brain to rot
I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, they'd scold me
But I still tune into every show (show)
My cable's gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO
The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (yo!)

"You're gonna lose your mind watching TV"
They told me, cajoled me,
"Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show!" (no!)
I got it on C-SPAN, TV Land and HBO
The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (yo!)

You can watch anything you want to, man.

I'm not the brightest crayon in the box

Everyone says I'm dumber than a bag of rocks
I barely even know how to put on my own pants
But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France, genius in France
Hoom chaka laka hoom chaka laka hoom chaka

I may not be the sharpest hunk of cheese
I got a negative number on my SATS
I'm not good looking, and I don't know how to dance
But nevertheless and in spite of the evidence I am still widely considered to be a
Genius in France, genius in France, genius in France

People say I'm a geek, a moronic little freak
An annoying pipsqueak with an unfortunate physique
If I was any dumber, they'd have to water me twice a week

But when the Mademoiselles see me, they all swoon and shriek
They dig my mystique, they think I'm c'est magnifique
When I'm in Par-ee, I'm the chic-est of the chic
They love my body odor and my bad toupee
They love my stripey shirt and my stupid beret
And when I'm sipping on a Perrier
In some café down in St. Tropez
It's hard to keep the fans at bay
They say, "Sign my poodle, s'il vous plaît"
"Sign my poodle, s'il vous plaît"
Hemenene humenene himenene homenene
Poodle... poodle...

Folks in my hometown think I'm a fool
Got too much chlorine in my gene pool
A few peas short of a casserole
A few buttons missing on my remote control
A few fries short of a happy meal
I couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
Instructions on the heel

But when I'm in Provence, I get free croissants *Bela bark*
Yeah, I'm the guy every French lady wants
And if you ask 'em why, you're bound to get this response:
(He's a genius in France! Genius in France!) That's right!
(He's a genius in France! Genius in France!) You know it!
(He's a genius in France, genius in France, genius in France!)

I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree
But the folks in France, they don't seem to agree
They say, "Bonjour, Monsieur, would you take ze picture with me?"
I say, "Oui oui"
That's right, I say, "Oui oui"
"Oui oui"
He says, "Oui oui"

I'm dumber than a box of hair
But those Frenchies don't seem to care
Don't know why, mon frère
But they love me there
I'm a genius in France
Yeah... I'm a genius in France

Gonna make a big splash when I show up in Cannes
Gonna make those Frenchies scream, "You ze man! You ze man! You ze man!"

Like a fine Renoir (waa!), I've got that je ne sais quoi (quoi!)
Like a fine Renoir (ooh la la!), I've got that je ne sais...
Quoi quoi quoi quoi quoi, oo-we-oo
Quoi quoi quoi quoi quoi, oo-we-oo
Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy
Bow diddy bow di bow di bow bow diddy
Bow

I'm a taco short of a combo plate
But by some twist of fate, all the Frogs think I'm great
Oh, the men all faint and the women scream
They like me more than heavy cream
When I'm in Versailles, I'm a popular guy
My oh my, I'm as French as apple pie (apple pie)
They think I'm awfully witty, a riot and a half
When I tell a stupid joke, they laugh (haw haw haw haw haw)
And laugh (haw haw haw haw haw haw)

People in France have lots of attitude
They're snotty and rude, they like disgusting food
But when they see me, they just come unglued
They think that I am one happening dude

Bowm ba ba bowm ba bowm ba bowm
I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball
But they like me better than Charles de Gaulle
Entre nous, it's very true
The room temperature's higher than my IQ
But they love me more than Gerard Depardieu
How did this happen? I don't have a clue

Well... I'm not the quickest tractor on the farm
I don't have any skills or grace or charm
And most people look at me like I'm all covered with ants
But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France, genius in France

And I'm never goin' back, I'm never goin' back
I'm never never never never goin' back home again
I'm tearin' up my return flight ticket
Gonna tell the folks back home where they can stick it
'Cause I'm never goin' back, I'm never goin' back
I'm never goin' back

The girls back home never gave me a chance
But I sho nuff got them Frogs in some kinda trance
And I'm aware that it's a most improbable circumstance
But GREAT GOOGILY MOOGILY, I'm a genius in France

Every Frenchie that I meet
Just can't wait to kiss my feet
Get in line, pucker up! Tout suite!
Bowm diddy bown diddy bowm diddy
I'm gettin' even more famous by the hour
I'm stuffed with pastries and drunk with power
Now they're puttin' up my statue by the Eiffel Tower
A little more to the left, boys, a little more to the left
A little more to the left, boys, a little more to the left

I'm the biggest dork there is alive
My mom picked out my clothes for me till I was 35
And I forgot to mention
I'm not even welcome at the Star Trek convention
But the Frenchies think
That my poop don't stink
I'm a genius in France

Say... would you pass the Grey Poupon?
Merci beaucoup

[LAST RESORT (Papa Roach)]

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort, suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a... if I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort
'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and a-crying

[CHOP SUEY! (System Of A Down)]
Wake up! (Wake up)
Grab a brush and put a little make-up
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
(Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup)
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
Here you go create another fable

You wanted to
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
You wanted to
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
You wanted to
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
You wanted to

I don't think you trust
In my self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die, die, die
D-d-die die die die die
Hey!

[GET FREE (The Vines)]
I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
Ride into the sun
She never loved me
She never loved me
She never loved me
Why should anyone?

(Come here, come here, come here)
I'll take your photo for ya
(Come here, come here, come here)
Drive you around the corner
(Come here, come here, come here)
You know you really oughta
(Come here, come here, come here)
Move out to California*

[HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO (The Hives)]
Do what I want 'cause I can, if I don't because I wanna
Be ignored by the stiff and the bored because I'm gonna

Hate to say I told you so, alright
Do believe I told you so
Now it's all out and you knew
'Cause I wanted to

[FELL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL (The White Stripes)]
Fell in love with a girl
I fell in love at once and almost completely
She's in love with the world
But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading
Can't think of anything to do
Yeah, my left brain knows that all love is fleeting
She's just looking for something new
Yeah, I said it once before but it bears repeating, now

[LAST NITE (The Strokes]
Last night
She said
"Oh baby, don't you feel so down
When you turn me off
When I feel left out"

So I (what'd you do?)
Well, I turned around (right around)
"Oh, baby, gonna be alright"
It was a great big lie (big old lie)
'Cause I left that night
Yeah

[DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS (Disturbed)]
Ooh ah ah ah ah!
Ooh ah ah ah ah!

Get up
Come on get down with the sickness
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness
Open up your hate, and let it flow into me

Get up
Come on get down with the sickness
You mother get up
Come on get down with the sickness
Get up!
Come on get down with the sickness
Madness is the gift that has been given to me

[RENEGADES OF FUNK (Rage Against The Machine)]
We're the renegades of funk, we're the renegades of funk
We're the renegades of funk, we're the renegades of funk

[MY WAY (Limp Bizkit)]
This time I'm a let it all come out
This time I'm a stand up and shout
I'm a do things my way
It's my way
My way or the highway

This time I'm a let it all come out
This time I'm a stand up and shout
I'm a do things my way
It's my way
...or the highway

[OUTSIDE (Staind)]
But I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

BAWITDABA (Kid Rock)]
Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy
Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie
Bawitdaba da bang da dang diggy diggy
Diggy said the boogie said up jump the boogie

[YOUTH OF THE NATION (P.O.D.)]
We are, we are
The youth of the nation
We are, we are
The youth of the nation
We are, we are
The youth of the nation
We are the youth of the nation!
Hey!

[THE REAL SLIM SHADY (Eminem)]
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please, please
Please stand up

Slim Shady won't you please stand up?
(Stand up Shady)(Stand up)
(Stand up Shady)(Stand up)
(Stand up Shady)
Shady won't you please stand up?
Hey!