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1. _ Tv Weather Guy
My father was a lawyer, mom's at university
My brother and my sister, they both have their ph.d.
My grampa was a pilot shooting nazis from t he sky
But i am the most famous, i'm a tv weather guy
He smiles at the camera and tells a little joke
H e always says it's sunny if the telestrator's broke
Thinks a meteorologist knows what falls from the sky
But he's got a steady income as a tv weather guy
They said that i'm not qualified to be on the tv
Don't know celsius from fahrenheit so i just say degrees
I just read the temperatures and make up a bunch of lies
And end up being right more than the guy on channel five
He smiles at the camera and tells a little joke
He always says it's sunny if the telestrator's broke
Thinks cloud are made from cotton that have blown up to the sky
But he's got a steady income as a tv weather guy
On saturdays i must be out of bed by five a.m.
Put on a ton of make-up and then stare at the camera lens
Greeting all the viewers with a "hi-hi-hip-hello!"
'cause it's the day i have to host a kiddie cartoon show
He smiles at the camera then to his puppet sock
He raves about the crayon drawings of the family dog
Did a promo at the shopping mall and made the children cry
He's a lousy clown but a good tv weather guy
They said that i'm not cute enough to be an anchorman
Not tough enough for sports and for the arts i was too bland
But i know that some day i will reach my tv goal
When i guest star on baywatch or 90210
'til then i'll smile at the camera and tell a little joke
He always says it's sunny if the telestrator's broke
He wonders why big storms are always named for other guys
But he's got a steady income as a tv weather guy
He's got a steady income as a tv weather guy!
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2. _ Malcolm
Billy solve his problems with by calling up his mom
Heather solves her problems with drugs and alcohol
Daniel solves his problems with a doctor and the law
But malcolm's got his own way, it's better than them all
'cause malcolm solves his problems with a chain-saw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chain-saw
Malcolm solves his problems with a chain-saw
And he never has the same problem twice
Whether it's a bill or a cheque arriving late
Rancid marble cheese or a steak that's second rate
Awful tv programs or a broken elvis plate
Or his fianc |
3. _ Canada's Really Big
When i look around me,
I can't believe what i see
It seems as if this country
Has lost its will to live
The economy is lousy,
We barely have an army
But we can still stand proudly
'cause canada's really big
We're the second largest country
On this planet earth
And if russia
Keeps on shrinking
Then soon we'll be first
(as long as we keep quebec)
The usa has tanks
And switzerland has banks
They can keep them, thanks
They just don't amount
'cause when you get down to it
You find out what the truth is
It isn't what you do with it
It's the size that counts!
Most people
Will tell you
That france is pretty large
But you can put
Fourteen frances
Into this land of ours
(it'd take a lotta work, it's take a whole lotta work)
We're larger than malaysia
Almost as big as asia
We're bigger than australia
And it's a continent
So big we seldom bother
To go see one another
But we often go to other
Countries for vacation
Our mountains
Are very pointy
Our prairies are not
The rest is
Kinda bumpy
But, man, do we have a lot
(we gotta lot of land, we gotta whole lot of land)
So stand up and be pound
And sing out very loud
We stand out from the crowd 'cause
Canada's really big!
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4. _ Proud To Be Canadian
Our fair country canada
Is north of the usa
Our maritimes are lovely
And our prairies give us hay
You might think you yankees
Are better than us canucks
But we don't need no microchips
Inside our hockey pucks
The vikings left us newfoundland
We're stuck with england's queen
The swiss give us their army knives
The french give us poutine
We watch american tv shows
For hours and hours and hours
We'll export alan thicke
But shania twain is ours
We're proud to be canadian
We're awfully nice to strangers, our manners be our curse
It's cool in many ways to be canadian
We won't say that we're better, it's just that we're less worse
We are a northern people
Who love the wintertime
For about two weeks
And then we start to whine
So we go down to florida
For all its southern charms
But when we get sunburned when we exercise
The right to bare our arms
We're proud to be canadian
We're awfully nice to strangers, our manners be our curse
It's cool in many ways to be canadian
We won't say that we're better, it's just that we're less worse
Pamela anderson lee
Is the treasure of our land (uh huh)
We all tune into baywatch
To see her frolic in the sand (watch her jiggle now)
She's just as canadian
As "how's it goin', eh?"
Though most her parts above the waist
Were made in the usa
We're proud to be canadian
We're awfully nice to strangers, our manners be our curse
It's cool in many ways to be canadian
We won't say that we're better, it's just that we're less worse
We're proud to be canadian
We're awfully nice to strangers, our manners be our curse
It's cool in many ways to be canadian
We won't say that we're better, it's just that we're less worse
Tears are not enough
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5. _ The Hockey Song
Me work hard five days a week
Sweeping garbage from the street
Come home not want book to read
Not 'nuff pictures for me see
Sit right down in favourite chair
Wearing only underwear
Favourite night is saturday night
'cause me can watch hockey fights
Me like hockey! me like hockey!
Me no like pro basketball
'cause me short and they all tall
Baseball slow like forrest gump
'cept when robbie spits on ump
Wrestlemania not so great
Me like to see hulk hogan skate
Tv soccer not that hot
You play bad then you get shot
Me like hockey! me like hockey!
Swedish players must be geeks
'cause they still got own real teeth
Not like finnish players names
What's a teemu anyway?
Russians worst in history
Got stupid names like valerie
Me like sergei federov
Me like him more if head were off
Ha ha ha!
Me like hockey! me like hockey!
Me like hockey! we like hockey!
Please mister linesman let the players fight
Please mister linesman let the players fight
Please mister linesman let the players fight
Please mister linesman let the players fight
Let them fight, let them fight, let them fight
Let them fight, let them fight, let them fight
Let them fight, let them fight!
Friends come over put game on
Argue then we lay bets down
Got bag of chips and case of bud
Should last 'til end of first period
But yankees they win the world cup
Me think they cheat use glowy puck
Maybe if we want to win her
Maybe we should play in winter
Me like hockey! me like hockey!
Me like hockey! me like hockey!
Yeah!
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6. _ Billy, The Themepark Shark
I'm a shark, i'm a shark,
A killer of the ocean,
I'm a shark, i'm a shark,
And silently i strike.
I'm a shark, i'm a shark,
I'm dumber than a tree,
I only have three thoughts and they are: eat, swim, ...eat.
(he's a shark, he's a shark,)
I was swimming in the ocean,
(he's a shark, he's a shark,)
I got picked up by a boat.
A team of lonely fishermen sold me to a park,
And now my name is billy, i'm a theme park shark.
Billy, the themepark shark,
Performing tricks for tourists that have payed five bucks a head.
Billy, the themepark shark,
He looks just like a killer, but he's too well-fed.
The sight of bloodworms put him in a feeding frenzy,
Now it means that it's time to clean the pool...
I'm a shark, i'm a shark,
I'm swimming in a pool,
I'm a shark, i'm a shark,
I don't have to fight for food,
I get three meals a day, and some extra on the weekend
And i'm the only shark i know who has a dental plan.
Who has a dental plan.
(he's a shark, he's a shark,)
And i'm a big attraction.
(he's a shark, he's a shark,)
They love to watch me jump,
I've been the star for years and i've never been for sale,
At least until the owners think they need a killer whale.
Billy, the themepark shark,
Jumping out football nets suspended overhead,
Billy, the themepark shark,
He looks just like a killer, but he's too well-fed.
I'm a shark, i'm a shark,
But i'm not in my natural habitat,
He's fat and old and lazy,
But i'm happy you're here.
I really hope these activists don't free billy,
Cuz out there in the wild, i'd be dead.
The sight of bloodworms put him in a feeding frenzy,
Now it means that it's time to clean the pool.
Billy, the themepark shark
Performing tricks for tourists that have payed five bucks a head,
Billy, the themepark shark,
He looks just like a killer, in the wild, he'd be dead.
Oh, billy, (billy) billy, (billy)
The number one attraction of an aqua petting zoo.
Billy, (billy) billy, (billy)
The poster fish of tourism iowa!
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7. _ Waiting To Sell Out
People ask us why we sing, they say we really dig your stuff
You must really love the things you do, is it enough
You've all got university degrees that should be a start
You can get a job a car a life, do you do it for the love of art
Integrity and honesty usually mean poverty
Attention in the media won't buy financial solvency
We're just here to have some laughs we don't want to lead in fashion
We don't want a record deal as long as we get the cash in
Cuz we're waiting to sell out
Our gnp is what we're all about
Our budget's low, our costs are high
Without your help we'll surely die
My name is mike and i can't afford to eat
My name is trevor and i live out on the street
My name is chris..... (ramble on)
So if you..... buy our tape
So if you..... buy our tape
So if you..... buy our tape
Scat
Cuz we're selling out that's what we do
Is ten dollars too much to ask of you and you and you
This is the last of us you'll see unless we pay our puc (public utilities)
We give you laughter we work and slave
So don't be the bastard that never gave
Ten dollars can go so far, you'll see us spend it at the bar
Buy our tapes or our cds, we'll pay the gst
Got no cash, what the heck, we'll even take a cheque certified of course....
Cuz we're waiting to sell out
If you don't buy our stuff we're going to pout
Think about this if you don't buy
Next set we sing american pie
(blah blah blah)
Cuz we're waiting to sell out....
Oooooh.
Transcribed by malcom chainsaw
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8. _ Login To You (another Version)
You double-clicked my heart
You've upgraded my life
You booted up my hard drive
Please be my cyber-wife
You've logged into my soul
You've downloaded my dreams
Let's go to my chat-room
And i'll show you what i mean
I wanna login to you
So i can prove my love is true
It's true i look quite stunning
But i've got a huge iq
I wanna login to you
(login to you)
The password's incorrect
My login was denied
So i turn it off and on again
To have another try
I got a 21" screen
The colours'll make you dizzy
My attachments are full of love for you
But your modem still rings busy (beep beep)
Www.love
You@me.com
You can unzip all my floppy files
And spin my cd-rom
I wanna login to you
So i can prove my love is true
It's true i look quite stunning
But i've got a huge iq
I wanna login to you
So i can prove my love is true
It's true i look quite stunning (oh yeah you do)
But i've got a huge iq (192)
I wanna login to you
Www.love
You@me.com
Www.love
You@me.com
Www.love (c'mon c'mon!)
You@me.com (everybody now!)
Www.love (lemme hear ya!)
You@me.com (yeah!)
Www.love
You@me.com
W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w- (www.love)
(you@me.com)
I wanna login to you (www.love)
(you@me.com)
I wanna login to you (www.love)
(you@me.com)
I wanna wanna wanna yeah yeah (www.love)
(you@me.com)
Www.love
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