Educated Guess

You keep telling me I'm beautiful
But I feel a little less so each time
Your love is so colorful
It flashes like a neon sign
But I finally drove out where
The sky is dark enough to see stars
And I found I missed no one
Just listening to the swishing of distant cars

I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
Til I'm so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out with your din
And then I learned how to swim

I was floating above myself
Watching her do just what you wanted
Poor little friendly ghost
Wondering why her whole house feels haunted
I told myself I was strong enuf
That I had plenty of blood to give
And each elbow cradled a needle
But listless and faint ain't no way to live

So I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
Til I'm so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out with your din
And then I learned how to swim

You keep telling me I'm beautiful
But I feel a little less so each time
Your love is so colorful
It flashes like a neon sign
But I finally drove out where
The sky is dark enough to see stars
And I found I missed no one
Just listening to the swishing of distant cars

There you were day after day
Six feet
Twenty feet
Two feet away
Right in my pocket singin me a song
Makin my heart race all day long

And we talked it out and we talked it down
But your eyes were not listening
And my ears were looking around
For another song to sing
But it was you each time
It was you

The answer to each moment must be yes
And the question: can you live with that?
Becomes the test
So you weigh it against that aching in your chest
And that secretly relentless emptiness

And you talk it out and you talk it down
But your eyes are not listening
And my ears are running around
Looking for another song to sing
But it is you each time
It is you

So my heart finally broke
It was so long bent
And it broke in three places
When it finally went
It wanted only to say what it meant
So it suffered every punishment

Now it lives in a shack outside of town
And only the wolves are out there listening
And in her dreams they chase her down
Their moonlit eyes are glistening
And it is you each time
It is you

I love my country
By which I mean
I am indebted joyfully
To all the people throughout its history
Who have fought the government to make right
Where so many cunning sons and daughters
Our foremothers and forefathers
Came singing through slaughter
Came through hell and high water
So that we could stand here
And behold breathlessly the sight
How a raging river of tears
Cut a grand canyon of light

Yes, I've bin so many places
Flown through vast empty spaces
With stewardesses whose hands
Look much older than their faces
I've tossed so many napkins
Into that big hole in the sky
Bin at the bottom of the Atlantic
Seething in a two-ply
Looking up through all that water
And the fishes swimming by
And I don't always feel lucky
But I'm smart enough to try
Cuz humility has buoyancy
And above us only sky
So I lean in
Breathe deeper that brutal burning smell
That surrounds the smoldering wreckage
That I've come to love so well
Yes, color me stunned and dazzled
By all the red white and blue flashing lights
In the American intersection
Where black crashed head on with white
Comes a melody
Comes a rhythm
A particular resonance
That is us and only us
Comes a screaming ambulance
A hand that you can trust
Laid steady on your chest
Working for the better good
(Which is good at its best)
And too, bearing witness
Like a woman bears a child:
With all her might

Born of the greatest pain
Into a grand canyon of light

I mean, no song has gone unsung here
And this joint is strung crazy tight
And people bin raising up their voices
Since it just ain't bin right
With all the righteous rage
And all the bitter spite
That will accompany us out
Of this long night
That will grab us by the hand
When we are ready to take flight
Seatback and traytable
In the upright and locked position
Shocked to tears by each new vision
Of all that my ancestors have done

Like, say, the women who gave their lives
So that I could have one

People, we are standing at ground zero
Of the feminist revolution
Yeah, it was an inside job
Stoic and sly
One we're supposed to forget
And downplay and deny
But I think the time is nothing
If not nigh
To let the truth out
Coolest f-word ever deserves a fucking shout!
I mean
Why can't all decent men and women
Call themselves feminists?
Out of respect
For those who fought for this
I mean, look around
We have this

Yes
I love my country
By which I mean
I am indebted joyfully
To all the people throughout its history
Who have fought the government to make right
Where so many cunning sons and daughters
Our foremothers and forefathers
Came singing through slaughter
Came through hell and high water
So that we could stand here
And behold breathlessly the sight
How a raging river of tears
Is cutting a grand canyon of light

What dreams cause me
To abandon my pillow each night?
Push away each of them, in fact
Since there always seem to be more than one
Then wake to aching stiff neck twisted
Tits and face smashed against the mattress
Legs and arms akimbo
Like the high pitched body of a jumper
Waiting for her chalk outline
Finally at rest

You broke me bodily
The heart ain't the half of it
And I'll never learn to laugh at it
In my good natured way
In fact I'm laughing less in general
But I learned a lot at my own funeral
And I knew you'd be the death of me
So I guess that's the price I pay

I'm trying to make new memories
In cities where we fell in love
My head just barely above
The darkest water I've ever known
You had me in that cage
You had me jumpin through those hoops for you
Still, I think I'd stoop for you
Stoop for your eyes alone

From that bomb shell moon in yet another lovely dress
To the deep mahogany sheen of a roach
I am trying to take an appreciative approach
To life in your wake
I focus on the quiet now
And occasionally I'll fall asleep somehow
And emptiness has its solace
In that there's nothing left to take

I said Venice
You heard Vegas
Now I say either way
Baby let's go
I get so shaky
And I just can't shake it
I bliss like this
I'm one of those

But I don't wanna wear you
Wear you like a band-aid
Wave you like a ticket
Out of my good grief
I just wanna know you
Know you like I know my garden
What you smell like when you're bloomin
What lives underneath
Deep down underneath
Way down underneath

We do a whole lotta laughin
At the shyness that surrounds us
I do a whole lotta lookin
Somewhere else
I don't need to look
No, I can just feel you
Besides every time I see you
It just forces me to look at myself

Cuz I get so shaky
And I just can't shake it
I bliss like this
I'm one of those
And I said Venice
And you heard Vegas
But now I say either way
Let's go
C'mon baby let's go

As dolls go I am broken
And you could just let that get us off the hook
But from under the umbrella of the unspoken
I see you giving me that look

Baby, you're right as rain about the benefits
But you might be wrong about the costs
And it feeds my heart that you came looking for me
But I'm thinkin I need to stay lost

So I won't say I saw you fibbing
Or jump-jigging across the floor
I won't say you walked me to my car
And draped your arm on my open door

I know my mind is made of matter
But I need to know exactly
What is the matter at it's core?
Because my heart is just a muscle
And simply put, it's sore

So never mind about the benefits
And never mind about the costs
That don't change the basic premises
In which I am surely lost

So I won't say I saw you fibbing
Or jump-jigging across the floor
I won't say you walked me to my car
And draped your arm on my open door