1. _ Have Another Drink
Has everybody got problems?
Are you stuck in a deadend job?
Frustrated and dissatisfied?
Are you on the edge of suicide?
Terrorist bombers on the left,
Fascist plots on the right.
Mass destruction and homicide,
Are you horrified and terrified?
Such a shame.
We've all got problems we know,
There's one thing that's for sure,
There's only one cure for all your hangups and all your depressions.
Have another drink it'll make you feel better,
Have another drink and you'll feel alright.
If you feel down and you're under the weather
Have another drink and you'll feel alright.
(repeat above four lines).
Facts and figures.
Filling out forms.
Reading circulars.
Dictating letters.
Is your occupation
Getting to your brain?
Is there no relief?
It's like a ball and chain.
There's no need to get depressed,
Worrying won't make it better.
There's only one consolation i can recommend.
Don't take my word for it, try it for yourself.
Have another drink and you'll feel alright.
Have another drink it'll make you feel better.
Have another drink and you'll feel alright.
Have another drink it'll make you feel better.
Have another drink and you'll feel alright.
If you're feeling down and you're under the weather,
Have another drink and you'll feel alright.
Have another drink it'll make you feel better,
Have another drink and you'll feel alright.
If you're feeling down and under the weather,
Have another drink and you'll feel alright.
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2. _ You Make It All Worthwhile
He arrives home. he fumbles in his
Pockets for his keys but there is no
Need. andrea is waiting to greet him
With open arms.
Wife:
Hello love. you look all worn out!
Let me take your brief case. that's a
Good boy. now you come and sit down
Ouer here and relax and i'll make you
A nice cuppa tea. then we'll have
Dinner and we can sit and watch the
Tele. by the way dear, how'd you get
On at the office.
You make it all worthwhile
I mustn't stay in this job too long
I gotta get out before the hold is too strong
Gotta get out before my ambition is gone
'cos it's breaking me up and bringing me down.
But when i get home you make it all worthwhile,
You make me laugh and you make me smile
And after a hard day sorting out the files
You make it all worthwhile.
Wife:
Oh, i've just remembered we've only got shepherd's pie,
Do you like it?
Star:
No, i hate it.
Wife:
Hate it? but you see norman loves it so much and you did ask me to
Act normally, didn't you. i mean i can't cope with all that
Fancy stuff you like to eat.
Star:
Alright, i'll eat it and afterwards, i'll write a whole verse about
Your cooking.
You mustn't blame yourself like you do,
It's gonna make a nervous wreck out of you,
So wipe your nose and dry your eyes,
What's the point of cracking up all because of shepherd's pie?
Baby, you never know what i've been through.
I break my back and sweat and slave
To bring some money home to you.
Baby, you won't believe it but it's true
What a boring occupation can do,
It can make a nervous wreck out of you,
It can kill your spirit and destroy your mind.
But when i get home you make it all worthwhile.
You make me laugh and you make me smile
And after a hard day sorting out the files
You make it all worthwhile.
Wife:
Would you like steam pudding and custard for afters.
Star:
Darling, that would be marvellous.
And when i come home you make it all worthwhile.
You make me laugh and you make me smile
And after a hard day working on the files
You make it all worthwhile
Star:
Come on darling, let's go and have dinner.
And when i come home you make it all worthwhile.
You make me laugh and you make me smile
And after a hard day working on the files
You make it all worthwhile.
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3. _ Nine To Five
The star is in norman's office. his day
Of sweat and toil has begun.
Nine to five
Answering phones and dictating letters
Making decisions that affect no one.
Stuck in the office from nine until five
Life is so incredibly dull,
Working from nine to five.
Oh nine to five, nine to five,
Working from nine to five.
And time goes by
The hours tick away.
First seconds,
Then minutes,
Then hours into days.
Each day,
Each week,
Seems just like any other.
All work,
No play,
It's just another day.
He's caught in a mass of computerised trivia,
Deciphering data for mechanical minds.
He's lost in the paperwork and up to his eyes,
He's checking a list that's been checked out before
And he's starting to lose his mind.
Oh nine to five, nine to five,
Working from nine to five.
(repeat).
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4. _ You Can't Stop The Music
And so norman decides to stop living
Out his fantasy of being a rock star and
Accept reality. this is the end for
Norman but not for us because there
Will always be someone ready to take
His place -- after all, euerybody's a
Star!
You can't stop the music
Let's all raise a glass
To the rock stars of the past,
Those that made it,
Those that faded,
Those that never even made the grade,
Those that we thought would never last.
Singers come and go,
And stars fade away.
They vanish in the haze
And they're never seen again,
But the music just keeps playing on.
They can't stop the music,
They can't stop the music,
They can't stop the music playing on.
I've been half a million places,
I've seen half a million people who stare,
I've been a star and down and out,
I've been put on, sat on, punched and spat on,
They've called me a faggot, a spiv and a fake,
They can knock me down and tread on my face,
They can't stop the music playing on.
Let's all raise a glass
To the rock stars of the past,
Those that made it,
Those that faded,
Those that never even made the grade,
Those that we thought would never last.
Singers come and go,
And stars fade away.
They vanish in the haze
And they're never seen again,
But they can't stop the music playing on.
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5. _ Ordinary People
Star:
I am the image maker. i am the magic
Maker. i can turn the most ordinary
Man in the world into a star. to prove
My point i am going to find the most
Mundane little man and turn him into
Celebrity. hmm! this looks like a
Suitably uninteresting house. i wonder
If there's anybody here with enough
Star quality?
He presses the doorbell.
Star:
Hello. what's your name?
Wife:
Andrea.
Star:
Oh, that's a nice name. what's your
Husband's name?
Wife:
Norman.
Star:
His name's norman. that sounds
Ordinary enough. i would like you to
Join in a unique experiment with me.
I am going to take norman's place for
A few days. i 'm going to research his
Ordinary dull little existence.
Wife:
Oh you can't come in now! the place
Is in a terrible mess!
Star:
That doesn't matter. i want you to act
Normally. i want you to treat me as if i
Were norman. i am going to sacrifice
My normal flamboyant life style and
Become ordinary, boring little norman
For a few days.
Ordinary people
It's like another world, being here with you,
It's quite a trip for me, so this is reality.
I'm studying every movement, i'm trying to learn the part,
Now i want you to be natural, just relax and be as you are,
'cos it's all for art, i want to observe the ordinary people
Tomorrow i shall become norman,
I shall go to his office,
Mix with his workmates.
And if they ask any questions
I shall say i'm doing research for one of my songs.
Nomand and i are changing places
And i'm going to make him a star,
So i'm throwing away my stage suit and i'm packing away my guitar,
For the sake of art i'm gonna mix with the ordinary people.
Star:
God these pyjamas are awful!
Wife:
Awful? well all i can say is my norman wears them every night.
Star:
Alright, no sacrifice is too great for art!
The things i've done for music,
The things i've done for art.
So i'll make these sacrifices and i'll take it like a star
For the sake of art i will mix with the ordinary people.
Star:
You'd better come to bed darling.
Wife:
Coming! you'll never get up for work in the morning.
I'm making observations, and character simulations.
I'll mix with his friends and relations,
And he'll be a part of me.
Chorus
He's changing places with norman,
To get background for his songs.
I'm immortalising his life
And i'll even sleep with his wife,
For the sake of art i'll go to bed like the ordinary people.
Turn out the light.
Turn out the light.
The star exchanges his silver stage
Suit for norman's pin stripe suit,
Umbrella and briefcase. he forsakes
His customary brandy and cigars and
Settles for a cup of hot chocolate before
Going to bed.
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6. _ Underneath The Neon Sign
Our hero leaves the pub his head still
Swimming with alcohol, his head
Buzzing with facts, figures and
Computers. night is descending as he
Wearily makes his way home through
The traffic jams and neon lights of the
Great metropolis.
Underneath the neon sign
All i see is imitation
And there's no earth beneath my feet.
There are no trees or fields in front of me
Only slabs of concrete.
Skyscrapers reaching up to the clouds,
Don't give the moon a chance to shine,
And i've got imitation moonlight
Standing underneath the neon sign.
Is it real or just illusion?
Can there be a time when it's night?
Is it merely my delusion
Or my senses telling me lies.
Is it just hallucination?
Have i been drinking too much wine?
I don't know if it's day or night,
When i'm underneath the neon sign.
Underneath the neon sign.
Electronic nature made by man with robots in mind.
Big city lights guide my way into the night, darkness shines
When i'm standing underneath the neon sign.
If there isn't any sunshine
We'll some-day buy the neon sign
And if we can't see any stars at night
We'll sit and watch the traffic lights.
If there isn't any day-time
I've got an imitation dawn,
I've got a simulated sunshine
Standing underneath the neon sign.
Is it an illusion?
Have i been drinking too much wine?
Can there be day-time when it's night
Underneath the neon sign.
Underneath the neon sign.
Is it mother nature
Playing tricks with my eyes
For darkness shines
When i'm standing underneath the neon sign.
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7. _ Everybody's A Star (starmaker)
I am a creator,
Inventor and innovator.
I observe the people,
The ordinary people
No matter what your occupation is
Everybody's in showbiz.
'cos i'm a star (gonna make you a star),
And i can make you a star (gonna make you a star),
I believe that everybody's a celebrity,
And we've all got personality
And individuality.
We all read lines,
And we all act a part,
We all need a script
And an audience to play to.
No matter what you do,
Or who you are,
Everybody's a star.
I'm the magic maker,
I'm the image maker,
I'm the interior decorator.
I can take any man
I see standing in the road
And put rouge on his cheeks
And put some powder on his nose.
I'll teach him how to act,
I'll remould and reshape him.
I'll put him in a stage suit
And i'll teach him how to pose.
I can turn the most ordinary man in the world into a star.
I'm a starmaker (gonna make you a star),
Yes, i'm gonna make you a star (gonna make you a star)
No matter how dull or simple you are
Everybody's a star.
I'm the magic maker,
I'm the image maker,
I can make or break you.
L'm a star maker (gonna make you a star)
Yes, i'm gonna make you a star (gonna make you a star),
Gonna make you a star,
'cos everybody's a star.
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8. _ Rush Hour Blues
He gets up early about seven o'clock,
The alarm goes off and then the house starts to rock.
In and out of the bathroom by seven-o-three,
By seven-ten he's downstairs drinking his tea.
So put a shine on your shoes,
Put on your pin-striped suit.
Can't lose those early-morning-can't-stop-yawning,
Push and shoving rush hour blues.
Wife:
Darling are you ready?
You'll be late for the bus!
Star:
Don't rush me baby
While i'm using my brush.
Wife:
Get a move on darling
You're cutting it fine.
Star:
Cool it baby
I've got plenty of time.
So put a shine on your shoes
Put on your pin-striped suit.
Can't lose those early-morning-can't-stop-yawning
Push and shoving rush hour blues.
Soon i'll be just one of the commuters
Waiting for the subway train.
I'll be rushing up the stairs
And in the elevator.
By the time that i get there
I'm gonna feel like a mole in the ground
I'll be caught in the crush
I'll be pushed and be shoved,
And i'll be trying to get the subway train.
I'll be fighting with my brief case
And my umbrella,
Every morning and every night.
Some people do it every day of their lives.
Wife:
Read the paper later
You'll be caught in the queues.
Star:
Don't rush me baby
While i'm reading the news.
Wife:
Darling get a move on
You're cutting it fine.
Star:
Cool it baby
I've got plenty of time.
A quick cup of coffee and a slice of
Toast and the star (or should we say,
Norman?) is off to do battle with the
Rush hour queues and traffic jams.
In the rush hour queues
No one gives a damn.
No one knows where i'm going to
No one knows who i am.
I'm sitting in my office
In the metropolis
I'm just part of the scenery,
I'm just part of the machinery.
Chained to my desk on the 22nd floor,
I can't break out through the automatic door,
I'd jump out the window but i can't face the drop
I'm sitting in a cage with an eye on the clock.
I'm ready to start paying my dues,
I've got to lose those early-morning-can't-stop-yawning,
Push and shoving, rush hour blues.
Well i'm ready to start paying my dues,
I've got to lose those early-morning can't-stop-yawning,
Push and shoving rush hour blues.
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9. _ (a) Face In The Crowd
Our star doesn't know who he is any
More. is he the starmaker, the image
Maker, looking for material or is he
Just plain boring little norman after
All? perhaps he should accept that he
Is a plain ordinary bloke and not try to
Be something he is not.
(a) face in the crowd
I've got to stop faking it,
I've got to start facing it,
I'm going to take my final bow
Then i'm going to take my place in the crowd.
I know i'll get used to it,
I've got to stop acting like a clown.
I've gotta start facing up to what i really am.
I've got to realise l'm just an ordinary man.
I think that i'll just settle down
And take my place in the crowd.
I don't want to lie to myself any more.
Am i just a face in the crowd, is that all i'll ever be?
Don't want to be anything that isn't really me.
Mister, can you tell me who i am?
Do you think i stand out
Or am i just a face in the crowd?
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10. _ When Work Is Over
When work is over he likes to hit the bars,
And at the boozer we'll have another jar,
Because drinking can help ease the strain
Of his boring occupation,
Dull conversation,
Living by the book
And the rules and regulations.
Drinking helps us to forget what we are,
We leave the office and walk straight to the bar.
Don't stop to think,
Have another drink!
Drinking helps us to relax with the chaps,
A double scotch and we forget where we're at.
Don't stop to think
Have another drink!
When work is over he likes to hit the bars,
Go down the boozer and have another jar,
Because drinking can help ease the strain
Of his boring occupation,
Dull conversation,
Living by the book
And the rules and regulations.
Boring occupations,
Dull conversations,
Living by the book
And the rules and regulstions.
Drinking helps us to forget what we are,
We leave the office and walk straight to the bar,
Don't stop to think,
Have another drink.
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11. _ Ducks On The Wall
After dinner norman becomes depressed.
Star:
Norman's office got on my nerves to-day.
Wife:
What do you mean? you are norman!
Star:
(shouts) i am a star!
Wife:
You're not a star norman. you're
Just a plain ordinary little bloke and
Even if you walked down the street in
A silver suit people still wouldn't
Recognise you. you're dull, ordinary
And uninteresting! you're a drag!
Star rises from his chair and smashes
The dinner plates to the floor.
Star:
I hate this house and i hate you, but
More than anything else i hate those
Ducks!
Wife:
Don't you touch those ducks norman!
They were a present from my mother.
Look, norman, i've had enough of you
And your ridiculous fantasies. first of
All you wanted to be a painter, then
You wanted to be an astronaut, then
A footballer and now you're playing at
Being a rock singer. if you touch those
Ducks i'm leaving!
Ducks on the wall
My baby's got the most deplorable taste,
But her biggest mistake
Is hanging over the fireplace.
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall,
Ducks, ducks, hanging on the wall.
My lady's got a sort of strange fascination,
An obsessive fixation
For cheap decorations
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall.
Ducks, ducks, hanging on the wall.
Wo-wo-wo i love her so but if she doesn't move the ducks,
I think my mind is gonna go.
Ducks ducks on the wall.
Ducks ducks, hanging on the wall.
I leave the office and i want to relax.
Don't want to stare at a wall
And look at a duck that can't quack.
I love you baby but i can't fall
For those ducks on the wall.
I start to snuggle up and squeeze her so tight.
Then out of the corner of my eye
I see those ducks in flight.
I love you baby but i can't ball
When i see those ducks on the wall.
Wo-wo-wo i can sit through your gossip and your soap opera shows,
But those ducks have got to go.
I love you baby but i can't ball
When i see those ducks on the wall.
And when i went to a cocktail party
With the bores next door,
What was the first thing that i saw?
Ducks, ducks on the wall.
Ducks, ducks hanging on the wall.
My baby's got the most deplorable taste,
But her biggest mistake
Is hanging over the fireplace.
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall,
Ducks, ducks hanging on the wall.
I'll sit and look at all the soap operas with her
I'll play all the panel games and watch all the quiz shows,
But those ducks they've got to go,
Those ducks are getting up my nose.
If those ducks can fly, well so can i.
And if those ducks have got to stay
Then i'm going to fly away.
I love you baby but i can't ball
When i see those ducks on the wall.
Ducks, ducks, ducks on the wall.
Ducks, ducks, ducks on the wall.
Oh those ducks on the wall are beginning to move
They're talking to me
I've got to get away from those ducks.
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12. _ Holiday Romance
On the subway train he sees adverts
For holidays in jamaica, a weekend in
Rome, a cruise round the
Mediterranean, and dreams of a quiet
Week in a little seaside resort away
From his wife, the ducks on the wall,
The soap operas, the office and his
Friends - and who knows, he might
Encounter a holiday romance.
Holiday romance
I had a break for a week
So i booked my seat
And confirmed a reservation
At a quiet little seaside hotel.
I packed my bags
And i caught my train and
Reached my destination
Just in time for the dinner gong--ding dong.
Then i saw lavinia
Standing at the bottom of the stairs.
And i fell for lavinia
The moment that i saw her standing there.
Lavinia looked so divine
As she walked up to the table to dine
And then lavinia's eyes met mine.
I thought can this be love,
Can this be lovey-dove
Or just a holiday romance?
Can this be long lost love at last
Or is it just a flash in the pan?
Then after cheese and liqueurs they struck up the band,
I plucked up my courage and i asked lavinia to dance
That was the start of my holiday romance.
Just a holiday romance.
We did the foxtrot, samba and danced through the night
The last waltz came and we held each other so tight.
That was the start of my holiday romance.
Just a holiday romance
A simple holiday romance.
I wonder should i take a chance?
We walked on the beach,
And we paddled our feet,
And we watched all the swimmers,
And my holiday treat felt complete.
We drank lemonade,
And we sat in the shade,
I thought i must be on a winner
And i acted cool and discreet.
For i knew that lavinia
Was the shyest lady that i'd ever met,
And i knew that lavinia
Would only be my lady for the week.
It was just a holiday romance
A simple holiday romance.
I wonder should i take this chance?
Just a holiday romance.
Can this be love,
Can this be lovey-dove
Or just a holiday romance?
I tried to kiss her, she walked away,
She said "better stop, my husband's
Coming to collect me today".
That was the end of my holiday,
Sweet and innocent holiday,
End of my holiday romance.
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