Feast On Scraps

you've been my golden best friend
now with post-demise at hand
can't go to you for consolation
cause we're off limits during this transition

this grief overwhelms me
it burns in my stomach
and I can't stop bumping into things

I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
thought we'd be limitless together
I thought we'd be precious together
but I was sadly mistaken

you've been my soulmate and mentor
I remembered you the moment I met you
with you I knew god's face was handsome
with you I suffered an expansion

this loss is numbing me
it pierces my chest
and I can't stop dropping everything

I thought we'd be sexy together
thought we'd be evolving together
I thought we'd have children together
I thought we'd be family together
but I was sadly mistaken

if I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared
if I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented
if I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
my wealth would render this no less severe

I thought we'd be genius together
I thought we'd be healing together
I thought we'd be growing together
thought we'd be adventurous together
but I was sadly mistaken

thought we'd be exploring together
thought we'd be inspired together
I thought we'd be flying together
thought we'd be on fire together
but I was sadly mistaken

(vocalizes)

My misery has enjoyed company
And although I have ached
I don't threaten anybody
Sometimes I feel more bigness than I've shared with you
Sometimes I wonder why I quell when I'm not required to

I've tried to be small I've tried to be stunted
I've tried roadblocks and all
My happy endings prevented
Sometimes I feel it's all just too big to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my bigness could do

Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)

I could be golden
I could be glowing
I could be freedom
But that could be boring
Sometimes I feel this is too scary to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of losing you

Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)

This talk of liberation makes me want to go lie down
Under the covers til the terror of the unknown is gone

I could be full
I could be thriving
I could be shining
Sounds isolating
Sometimes I feel this is too good to be true
I sabotage myself for fear of what my joy could do

Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness (and ensuing solitude?)

You're unsure and you're not ready so that must mean I want you
You're unavailable and disinterested and to you I look for comfort

A million times in a million ways I will try to change you
A million months and a million days I'll try to somehow convince you

I have waited for you and adjusted for you and I'm done
I have deferred to you and enabled you and I'm done

You're too young or you're too old or you're simply not inclined
You're asleep or you're withholding be that my cue to crave you

Several times in several ways I'll try to squeeze love from you
Several hours and several ways I'll feast on scraps thrown from you

I have bent for you and I've deprived for you and I'm done
I have depressed for you and contorted for you and I'm done
I have stifled for you and I've compromised for you and I'm done
I have silenced for you and sacrificed for you and I'm done

It won't be long before I am reclaimed
It won't take long and I'll be on path again
It won't be easy for us to disengage
I'm at the end of self deprivation stage

You're afraid of every woman afraid of your inner workings
You cringe at the thought of living under the same roof as me god and everything

A million times and a million ways I've tried to alter to match you
Several times every several days I've tried to uncrush on you

Who
Who am I to be blue
Look at my family and fortune
Look at my friends and my house

Who
Who am I to feel deadend
Who am I to feel spent
Look at my health and my money

And where
Where do I go to feel good
Why do I still look outside me
When clearly I've seen it won't work

Is it my calling to keep on when I'm unable
And is it my job to be selfless extraordinary
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer

And why
Why do I feel so ungrateful
Me who is far beyond survival
Me who see life as an oyster

Is it my calling to keep on when I'm unable
And is it my job to be selfless extraodinary
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer

And how
How dare I rest on my laurels
How dare I ignore an outstretched hand
How dare I ignore a third world country

Is it my calling to keep on when I'm unable
And is it my job to be selfless extraodinairy
And my generosity has me disabled
By this my sense of duty to offer

Who
Who am I to be woo

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself
If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and
If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later
And no one knows except the both of us
And I have honored your request for silence
And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me
You're kind of my prot