You Are What You Is

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Ed mann (percussion)
David ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David logeman (drums)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Jimmy carl black (vocals)
Ahmet zappa (vocals)
Moon zappa (vocals)

Some take the bible
For what it's worth
When it says that the meek
Shall inherit the earth
Well, i heard that some sheik
Has bought new jersey last week
'n you suckers ain't gettin' nothin'
Is hare rama really wrong
If you wander around
With a napkin on
With a bell on a stick
An' your hair is all gone...
(the geek shall inherit nothin')

You say yer life's a bum deal
'n yer up against the wall...
Well, people, you ain't even got no
Deal at all
'cause what they do
In washington
They just takes care
Of number one
An' number one ain't you
You ain't even number two

Those jesus freaks
Well, they're friendly but
The shit they believe
Has got their minds all shut
An' they don't even care
When the church takes a cut
Ain't it bleak when you got so much
Nothin'
(so whaddya do)
Eat that pork
Eat that ham
Laugh till ya choke
On billy graham
Moses, aaron 'n abraham...
They're all a waste of time
'n it's yer ass that's on the line
(it's yer ass that's on the line)

Do what you wanna
Do what you will
Just don't mess up
Your neighbor's thrill
'n when you pay the bill
Kindly leave a little tip
And help the next poor sucker
On his one way trip...
Some take the bible...
(aw gimme half a dozen for the hotel
Room!)

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Ed mann (percussion)
David ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David logeman (drums)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Jimmy carl black (vocals)
Ahmet zappa (vocals)
Moon zappa (vocals)

Doreen...don't make me wait
Til tomorrow
Oh-wo-no-oh-wo...
Please darling
Let me love you tonight
An' it'll be awright

You...can't make me say
I don't want you
Oh-wo-no-oh-wo...
My heart
Is burning with love
And i want you tonight

I really love you
You make me feel good
Please don't deceive me
Doreen you know you should
Stay with me always
We could be lovers
Doreen you're different
Then all the...others

Doreen...don't make me wait
Til tomorrow
Oh-wo-no-oh-wo...
Please darling
Let me love you tonight
An' it'll be awright

You...can't make me say
I don't want you
Oh-wo-no-oh-wo...
My heart
Is burning with love
And i want you tonight

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Ed mann (percussion)
David ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David logeman (drums)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Jimmy carl black (vocals)
Ahmet zappa (vocals)
Moon zappa (vocals)

And if these words you do not heed
Your pocketbook just kinda might recede
When some man comes along and
Claims godly need
He will clean you out right through your
Tweed

That's right, remember there is a big
Difference between kneeling down
And bending over...
He's got twenty million dollars
In his heavenly bank account...
All from those chumps who was
Born again
Oh yeah, oh yeah

He's got seven limousines
And a private plane...
All for the use of his
Special friends
Oh yeah, oh yeah
He's got thousand-dollar suits
And a wembley tie...
Girls love to stroke it
While he's on the phone
Oh yeah, oh yeah

At the house of representatives
He's a groovy guy...
When he gives thanks
He is not alone...

He is dealin'
He is really dealin'
Irs can't determine
Where the hook is

It is easy with the bible
To pretend that
You're in show biz

They won't get him
They will never get him
For the naughty stuff
That he did

It is best in cases like this
To pretend that
You are stupid

He's got presidential help
All along the way

He says the grace
While the lawyers chew
Oh yeah
They sure do

And the govenors agree to say:
"he's a lovely man!"
He makes it easier for
Them to screw
All of you...
Yes, that's true!

'cause he helps put the fear of god
In the common man
Snatchin' up money
Everywhere he can
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

He's got twenty million dollars
In his heavenly bank account
You ain't got nothin', people
You ain't got nothin', people
You ain't got nothin', people
Thank the man...oh yeah

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Ed mann (percussion)
David ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David logeman (drums)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Jimmy carl black (vocals)
Ahmet zappa (vocals)
Moon zappa (vocals)

Conehead...she ain't really dumb
She's just a
Conehead...'tater chip crumbs
All over her face
Is there any more beer
Stashed away at her place? she's just a
Conhead...she can't help herself
"she's a conehead girl..."
Pitch her a ring
That is the thing
That's getting her hot-uh
A hoop or a ring
Goin' over the top of her conehead

"she is from a small town in france
'n she's a conehead kind of a girl, kind
Of guy"
That's what she gives me is-uh oooh!
Conehead
When she's on her knees
The point is so high
I keep sayin' please
Keep it out of my eye, she's a
Conehead
(she's a conehead kind of a girl, kind of
Guy, kind of a girl-thing...)

Saturday night
You're home alone
The tv lights up
As her dad comes home
He's been workin' all day
At the drivin' school
In a stupid-lookin' hat
That he uses to fool
The people of earth
Who might get back
If they knew he was really
From remulak, where the
Conehead...people are from, where the
Conehead...people go to, when the
Conehead...people are done with their
Conehead...things that are fun
Connie the cone
Is dressed real neat
Like a teen-age girl
From down the street

But mom 'n dad
They don't approve
Carbohydrates
Is all they groove
Connie's eye
Has a tiny tear
But they rinse it away
With a case of beer

A bag of chips
'n fiberglass
Her diet's a riot
I can't keep quiet
I'd love to try it
But i think i'll pass
To eat that kind of stuff they pack
You'd hafta be from *remulak*, where the
Conehead...people are from, where the
Conehead...people go to, when the
Conehead...people are done with the
Conehead...things that are fun, where the
Conehead...people are from, where the
Conehead...people go to, when the
Conehead...people are done, with the
Conehead...things that are fun

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Ed mann (percussion)
David ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David logeman (drums)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Jimmy carl black (vocals)
Ahmet zappa (vocals)
Moon zappa (vocals)

You're the ol' lady from the society pages
From a small town somewhere i used to be
You owned the paper and a bunch of other stuff
That didn't appeal to me

Ol' lady ol'lady
Ol' lady ol'lady
Ol' lady ol'lady
Ol' lady ol'lady

The hostpital plans (yer brother drew 'em all)
You ran the paper 'n charity ball
Every day on the third or fourth page
There you was..you was quite the rage

Somehow you was all kinda cheap 'n wrong
Just like in a lotta small towns
Where folks like you
Hang around too long
And pass out jobs to yer relatives 'n such
So you all keeps a lot, 'n nobody else
Ever gets too much...to speak of...
So what? what can you say?

So long as the trash gets picked up
So long as the trash gets locked up
Just so the trash don't stack up
Some day you won't be on page three
Or page four anymore

Ol' lady ol'lady
Ol' lady ol'lady
Ol' lady ol'lady
Ol' lady ol'lady

By the grace of god you had a son
He's the one and only one
He grew up and by and by
He came to be a beautiful guy

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Ed mann (percussion)
David ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David logeman (drums)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Jimmy carl black (vocals)
Ahmet zappa (vocals)
Moon zappa (vocals)

Jumbo, go away
Jumbo, go away
Jumbo leave me alone
Get your head off my bone
I wanna go home
("i'm hungry")

Jumbo lighten up
Jumbo lighten up
Jumbo give me a break
Lighten up on my snake
That's all i can take
(robbie take me to greek town!)

It seems i can't explain
The way i feel about you
You just don't understand
You're from kalamazoo...

You got to realize
Our little romance deal
Will not materialize
Into a thing that you'd call real...
(i think i have worms...)

Jumbo gotta go
Jumbo gotta go
Jumbo better get back
Or your eye will get black
When i give you a smack
(boo-hoo-hoo...)

Jumbo don't you cry
Jumbo don't you cry
Jumbo this is good-bye
I ain't gonna lie
So wash up your pie

Wash up your pie
(there are three things that smell like
Fish!)
Wash up your pie
(one of them is fish...)
Wash up your pie
(the other two...)
Wash up your pie
(are growing on you...)

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Ed mann (percussion)
David ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David logeman (drums)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Jimmy carl black (vocals)
Ahmet zappa (vocals)
Moon zappa (vocals)

Beauty knows no pain
So what you cryin' about
Girl
Beauty knows no pain
So what you cryin' about
Girl
Beauty knows no
Beauty knows no
Beauty knows no

Even if yer plain
You could be tryin' it out
Girl
Even if yer plain
You could be tryin' it out
Girl
Beauty is no
Beauty is no
Beauty is no
Beauty is a bikini wax 'n waitin' for yer nails to dry
Beauty is colored pencil, scribbled all around yer eye
Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die

Beauty is a
Beauty is a
Beauty is a
Lie

But you don't care if it's a lie
'cause you are such a beautiful guy
Your head is north, your feet is south
And you save the rest for charlie's
Mouth

Your head is north
Your feet is south
And you save the rest for
Charlie's enormous mouth...

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Ed mann (percussion)
David ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David logeman (drums)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Jimmy carl black (vocals)
Ahmet zappa (vocals)
Moon zappa (vocals)

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
(a cow don't make ham...)
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis

A foolish young man
From a middle class fam'ly
Started singin' the blues
'cause he thought it was manly
Now he talks like the kingfish
("saffiiiee!")
From amos 'n andy
("holy mack'l dere...holy mack'l
Dere!")
He tells you that chitlins...
Well, they taste just like candy
He thinks that he's got
De whole thang down
From the nivea lotion
To de royal crown

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
(a cow don't make ham...)
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis

A foolish young man
Of the negro persuasion
Devoted his life
To become a caucasian
He stopped eating pork
He stopped eating greens
He traded his dashiki
("uhuru!")
For some jordache jeans
He learned to play golf
An' he got a good score
Now he says to himself
("i ain't no nigger no more...hey! hey! hey!")

"i don't understand you..."
Bwana ma-coo-bah
"would you please speak more clearly..."
Mercedes bainnnnnnnz

Who is who
(i don't know)
'n what is what
(somethin' i just don't know...)
'n why is this
(tell me now...)
Appropriot
(that's a funny pronunciation if'n ever
I heard one...)
If you don't like
(where'd you get that word?)
What you has got
(appropriot? the word is not...)
Drop it in the dirt
(drop it yeah...)
'n let it rot
(i can smell it now...)
Someone else
(here de come, here de come...)
Will surely come
(i told you they was comin')
'n pick it up
(that's right!)
'cause he wants some
(an' he wants it for free...)
And when one day
(there will come a day...)
You wonder who
(i wonder too...)
You used to was
(who i was anyway...)
'n what you do
(i used to work at the post office...)
You'll scratch your head
(but i don't wanna un-do my doo...)
'n look around
(just to see what's goin' on)
But what you lost
(can't seem to find it...)
Will not be found
(a mercedes benz...)
Do you what you are?
(i know...)
You are what you is
(i'm the kinda guy...)
You is what you am
(that ought to be drivin' a mercedes benz...)
A cow don't make a ham
(a four-fifty slc...)
You ain't what you're not
(a big ol' red one...)
So see what you got
(with some golf clubs stickin' out de trunk...)
You are what you is
(i'm gwine down to de links on saturday mornin'...)
An' that's all it is
(gimme a five dollar bill...)
You are what you is
(and an overcoat too...)
And that's all it is
(robbie, take me to greek town...)
You are what you is
(i'm harder than yer husband; harder than yer husband...)
An that's all it is
(i'm goin' down to white street, y'all...)
You are what you is
(gone down to the mudd club, 'n work
The wall...)
An that's all it is
('n work the floor 'n work the pipe 'n
Work the wall some more...
And here we are at the mudd club,
Y'all...
I hope you enjoy yourself, cause the
Show's about
To begin...)

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Ed mann (percussion)
David ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David logeman (drums)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Jimmy carl black (vocals)
Ahmet zappa (vocals)
Moon zappa (vocals)

Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's
Awright
The girl got a very large mouth, but it's
Awright
Her teeth look okay
She must be brushin' 'em quite a bit
'course her mouth is extra large
'n we can only assume as to how
She's been usin' it

Charlie's enormous mouth, well, it's
Awright
The girl got a very large mouth, but it's
Awright
She got lips all around the hole
Where she puts her food in
They call it the mouth
They call it the mouth
They call it the mouth

Which is as good a place as any for
A toungue
To include in, that's why
They call it the mouth
They call it the mouth
They call it the mouth

La la la la la la
La la la la la la

(kinda young
Kinda wow...)

Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all
White
The girl got a very large nose but it's all
White
It once was okay
But she been blowin' it quite a bit
'course her friends are extra large
'n we can only assume as to how
She's been choosin' it

Charlie's enormous nose, well, it's all
White
The girl got a very large nose, but it's all
White
She got stuff all around the hole
Where she puts her spoon in
They call it the nose
They call it the nose
They call it the nose
And when it finally rots away i guess you'd
Prob'ly drive a truck in...they used to
Call it the nose
They called it the nose
They called it the nose

La la la la la la
La la la la la la
(kinda young
Kinda dead...)

Charlie's disgusting brain, well, it's all
Black
The girl got a very dead brain, it won't
Come back
She used to convey
But then she took an extra hit
'course her friends are extra dumb
'n they were terribly excited while they
Watched her doin' it

Charlie's disgusting brain, well it's all
Black
The girl got a very dead brain, it won't
Come back
She got dirt all around the hole
Where they dumped her box in
They call it the grave
They call it the grave
They call it the grave
Which is as good a place as any for a
Chump to repose in...that's why they
Call it the grave
They call it the grave
They call it the grave...

Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bob harris (boy soprano, trumpet)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Ed mann (percussion)
David ocker (clarinet, bass clarinet)
Motorhead sherwood (tenor saxophone, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
David logeman (drums)
Craig steward (harmonica)
Jimmy carl black (vocals)
Ahmet zappa (vocals)
Moon zappa (vocals)

Whoever we are
Wherever we're from
We shoulda noticed by now
Our behavior is dumb
And if our chances
Expect to improve
It's gonna take a lot more
Than tryin' to remove
The other race
Or the other whatever
From the face
Of the planet altogether

They call it the earth
Which is a dumb kinda name
But they named it right
'cause we behave the same...
We are dumb all over
Dumb all over,
Yes we are
Dumb all over,
Near 'n far
Dumb all over,
Black 'n white
People, we is not wrapped tight

Nurds on the left
Nurds on the right
Religous fanatics
On the air every night
Sayin' the bible
Tells the story
Makes the details
Sound real gory
'bout what to do
If the geeks over there
Don't believe in the book
We got over here

You can't run a race
Without no feet
'n pretty soon
There won't be no street
For dummies to jog on
Or doggies to dog on
Religous fanatics
Can make it be all gone
(i mean it won't blow up
'n disappear
It'll just look ugly
For a thousand years...)

You can't run a country
By a book of religion
Not by a heap
Or a lump or a smidgeon
Of foolish rules
Of ancient date
Designed to make
You all feel great
While you fold, spindle
And mutilate
Those unbelievers
From a neighboring state

To arms! to arms!
Hooray! that's great
Two legs ain't bad
Unless there's a crate
They ship the parts
To mama in
For souvenirs: two ears (get down!)
Not his, not hers, (but what the hey?)
The good book says:
("it gotta be that way!")
But their book says:
"revenge the crusades...
With whips 'n chains
'n hand grenades..."
Two arms? two arms?
Have another and another
Our god says:
"there ain't no other!"
Our god says
"it's all okay!"
Our god says
"this is the way!"

It says in the book:
"burn 'n destroy...
'n repent, 'n redeem
'n revenge, 'n deploy
'n rumble thee forth
To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side
'cause they don't go for what's in the book
'n that makes 'em bad
So verily we must choppeth them up
And stompeth them down
Or rent a nice french bomb
To poof them out of existance
While leaving their real estate just where we need it
To use again
For temples in which to praise our god
("cause he can really take care of business!")

And when his humble tv servant
With humble white hair
And humble glasses
And a nice brown suit
And maybe a blond wife who takes phone calls
Tells us our god says
It's okay to do this stuff
Then we gotta do it,
'cause if we don't do it,
We ain't gwine up to hebbin!
(depending on which book you're using at the
Time...can't use theirs... it don't work
...it's all lies...gotta use mine...)
Ain't that right?
That's what they say
Every night...
Every day...
Hey, we can't really be dumb
If we're just following god's orders
Hey, let's get serious...
God knows what he's doin'
He wrote this book here
An' the book says:
He made us all to be just like him,"
So...
If we're dumb...
Then god is dumb...
(an' maybe even a little ugly on the side)