The Marshall Mathers LP

Chorus: eminem (repeat 4x)

That's why they call me slim shady (i'm back)
I'm back (i'm back) [slim shady!] i'm back

[eminem]
I murder a rhyme one word at a time
You never, heard of a mind as perverted as mine
You better, get rid of that nine, it ain't gonna help
What good's it gonna do against a man that strangles himself?
I'm waitin for hell like hell shit i'm anxious as hell
Manson, you're safe in that cell, be thankful it's jail
I used to be my mommy's little angel at twelve
Thirteen i was puttin shells in a gauge on a shelf
I used to, get punked and bullied on my block
'til i cut a kitten's head off and stuck it in this kid's mailbox
{"mom! mom!"} i used to give a - fuck, now i could give a fuck less
What do i think of suc-cess? it sucks, too much press i'm stressed
Too much stares two breasts, too upset
It's just too much mess, i guess i must just blew up quick (yes)
Grew up quick (no) was raised right
Whatever you say is wrong, whatever i say is right
You think of my name now whenever you say, "hi"
Became a commodity because i'm w-h-i-
-t-e, cuz mtv was so friendly to me
Can't wait 'til kim sees me
Now is it worth it? look at my life, how is it perfect?
Read my lips bitch, what, my mouth isn't workin?
You hear this finger? oh it's upside down
Here, let me turn this motherfucker up right now

Chorus

[eminem]
I take each individual degenerate's head and reach into it
Just to see if he's influenced by me if he listens to music
And if he feeds into this shit he's an innocent victim
And becomes a puppet on the string of my tennis shoe
{*vocal scratches*} my name is slim shady
I been crazy way before radio didn't play me
The sensational {*vocal scratch "back is the incredible!"*}
With ken kaniff, who just finds the men edible
It's ken kaniff on the, internet
Tryin to, lure your kids with him, into bed
It's a, sick world we live in these days
"slim for pete's sakes put down christopher reeve's legs!"
Geez, you guys are so sensitive
"slim it's a touchy subject, try and just don't mention it"
Mind with no sense in it, fried to get so frenetic
Whose eyes get so squinted, i'm blind from smokin 'em
With my windows tinted, with nine limos rented
Doin lines of coke in 'em, with a bunch of guys hoppin out
All high and indo scented {*inhales, exhales*}
And that's where i get my name from, that's why they call me

Chorus

[eminem]
I take seven [----] from [---------], stand 'em all in line
Add an ak-47, a revolver, a nine
A mack-11 and it oughta solve the problem of mine
And that's a whole school of bullies shot up all at one time
Cause (i'mmmm) shady, they call me as crazy
As the world was over this whole y2k thing
And by the way, n'sync, why do they sing?
Am i the only one who realizes they stink?
Should i dye my hair pink and care what y'all think?
Lip sync and buy a bigger size of earrings?
It's why i tend to block out when i hear things
Cause all these fans screamin is makin my ears ring (ahhhh!!!)
So i just, throw up a middle finger and let it linger
Longer than the rumor that i was stickin it to christina
Cause if i ever stuck it to any singer in showbiz
It'd be jennifer lopez, and puffy you know this!
I'm sorry puff, but i don't give a fuck if this chick was my own mother
I still fuck her with no rubber and cum inside her
And have a son and a new brother at the same time
And just say that it ain't mine, what's my name?

Chorus

[eminem {*vocal scratching*}]
Guess who's b-back, back
Gue-gue-guess who's back (hi mom!)
{*scratch*} guess who's back
{*scratch*} gue {*scratch*} guess who's back
D-12 {*scratch*} guess who's back
Gue, gue-gue-gue, guess who's back
Dr. dre {*scratch*} guess who's back
Back back {*scratch*} back
{*scratch*}
Slim shady, 2001
I'm blew out from this blunt (*sighs*) fuck

[eminem]
When i just a little baby boy,
My momma used to tell me these crazy things
She used to tell me my daddy was an evil man,
She used to tell me he hated me
But then i got a little bit older
And i realized, she was the crazy one
But there was nothin i could do or say to try to change it
Cause that's just the way she was

They said i can't rap about bein broke no more
They ain't say i can't rap about coke no more
(ahhh!) slut, you think i won't choke no whore
Til the vocal cords don't work in her throat no more?!
(ahhh!) these motherfuckers are thinkin i'm playin
Thinkin i'm sayin the shit cause i'm thinkin it just to be sayin it
(ahhh!) put your hands down bitch, i ain't gon' shoot you
I'ma pull +you+ to this bullet, and put it through you
(ahhh!) shut up slut, you're causin too much chaos
Just bend over and take it like a slut, okay ma?
"oh, now he's raping his own mother, abusing a whore,
Snorting coke, and we gave him the rolling stone cover?"
You god damn right bitch, and now it's too late
I'm triple platinum and tragedies happen in two states
I invented violence, you vile venomous volatile bitches
Vain vicadin, vrinnn vrinnn, vrinnn! {*chainsaw revs up*}
Texas chainsaw, left his brains all
Danglin from his neck, while his head barely hangs on
Blood, guts, guns, cuts
Knives, lives, wives, nuns, sluts

Chorus: eminem

Bitch i'ma kill you! you don't wanna fuck with me
Girls neither - you ain't nuttin but a slut to me
Bitch i'ma kill you! you ain't got the balls to beef
We ain't gon' never stop beefin i don't squash the beef
You better kill me! i'ma be another rapper dead
For poppin off at the mouth with shit i shouldn'ta said
But when they kill me - i'm bringin the world with me
Bitches too! you ain't nuttin but a girl to me
.. i said you don't, wanna fuck with shady (cause why?)
Cause shady, will fuckin kill you (ah-haha)
I said you don't, wanna fuck with shady (why?)
Cause shady, will fuckin kill you..

[eminem]
Bitch i'ma kill you! like a murder weapon, i'ma conceal you
In a closet with mildew, sheets, pillows and film you
Buck with me, i been through hell, shut the hell up!
I'm tryin to develop these pictures of the devil to sell 'em
I ain't "acid rap," but i rap on acid
Got a new blow-up doll and just had a strap-on added
Whoops! is that a subliminal hint? no!
Just criminal intent to sodomize women again
Eminem offend? no! eminem insult
And if you ever give in to him, you give him an impulse
To do it again, then, if he does it again
You'll probably end up jumpin out of somethin up on the 10th
(ahhhhhhhh!) bitch i'ma kill you, i ain't done this ain't the chorus
I ain't even drug you in the woods yet to paint the forest
A bloodstain is orange after you wash it three or four times
In a tub but that's normal ain't it norman?
Serial killer hidin murder material
In a cereal box on top of your stereo
Here we go again, we're out of our medicine
Out of our minds, and we want in yours, let us in

Chorus (first line starts "or i'ma kill you!")

[eminem]
Eh-heh, know why i say these things?
Cause lady's screams keep creepin in shady's dreams
And the way things seem, i shouldn't have to pay these shrinks
This eighty g's a week to say the same things tweece!
Twice? whatever, i hate these things
Fuck shots! i hope the weed'll outweigh these drinks
Motherfuckers want me to come on their radio shows
Just to argue with 'em cause their ratings stink?
Fuck that! i'll choke radio announcer to bouncer
From fat bitch to off seventy-thousand pounds of her
From principal to the student body and counselor
From in-school to before school to out of school
I don't even believe in breathin i'm leavin air in your lungs
Just to hear you keep screamin for me to seep it
Okay, i'm ready to go play
I got the machete from o.j.
I'm ready to make everyone's throats ache
You faggots keep eggin me on
Til i have you at knifepoint, then you beg me to stop?
Shut up! give me your hands and feet
I said shut up when i'm talkin to you
You hear me? answer me!

Chorus (first line starts "or i'ma kill you!"
Ninth line starts "bitch i'ma kill you!")

[eminem]
Hahaha, i'm just playin ladies
You know i love you

[eminem]
Whatever..
Dre, just let it run
Aiyyo turn the beat up a little bit
Aiyyo.. this song is for anyone.. fuck it
Just shut up and listen, aiyyo..

I sit back with this pack of zig zags and this bag
Of this weed it gives me the shit needed to be
The most meanest mc on this -- on this earth
And since birth i've been cursed with this curse to just curse
And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works
And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve
All this tension dispensin these sentences
Gettin this stress that's been eatin me recently off of this chest
And i rest again peacefully (peacefully)..
But at least have the decency in you
To leave me alone, when you freaks see me out
In the streets when i'm eatin or feedin my daughter
To not come and speak to me (speak to me)..
I don't know you and no,
I don't owe you a mo-therfuck-in thing
I'm not mr. n'sync, i'm not what your friends think
I'm not mr. friendly, i can be a prick
If you tempt me my tank is on empty (is on empty)..
No patience is in me and if you offend me
I'm liftin you 10 feet (liftin you 10 feet).. in the air
I don't care who is there and who saw me destroy you
Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of all you (of all you)..
I don't mean to be mean but that's all i can be is just me

Chorus: eminem

And i am, whatever you say i am
If i wasn't, then why would i say i am?
In the paper, the news everyday i am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cause i am, whatever you say i am
If i wasn't, then why would i say i am?
In the paper, the news everyday i am
I don't know it's just the way i am

[eminem]
Sometimes i just feel like my father, i hate to be bothered
With all of this nonsense it's constant
And, "oh, it's his lyrical content -
- the song 'guilty conscience' has gotten such rotten responses"
And all of this controversy circles me
And it seems like the media immediately
Points a finger at me (finger at me)..
So i point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie
Or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up
When you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up
With the bullshit they pull, cause they full of shit too
When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school
And they blame it on marilyn (on marilyn).. and the heroin
Where were the parents at? and look where it's at
Middle america, now it's a tragedy
Now it's so sad to see, an upper class ci-ty
Havin this happenin (this happenin)..
Then attack eminem cause i rap this way (rap this way)..
But i'm glad cause they feed me the fuel that i need for the fire
To burn and it's burnin and i have returned

Chorus

[eminem]
I'm so sick and tired of bein admired
That i wish that i would just die or get fired
And dropped from my label and stop with the fables
I'm not gonna be able to top on "my name is.."
And pigeon-holed into some pop-py sensation
To cop me rotation at rock'n'roll stations
And i just do not got the patience (got the patience)..
To deal with these cocky caucasians who think
I'm some wigger who just tries to be black cause i talk
With an accent, and grab on my balls, so they always keep askin
The same fuckin questions (fuckin questions)..
What school did i go to, what hood i grew up in
The why, the who what when, the where, and the how
'til i'm grabbin my hair and i'm tearin it out
Cause they drivin me crazy (drivin me crazy).. i can't take it
I'm racin, i'm pacin, i stand and i sit
And i'm thankful for ev-ery fan that i get
But i can't take a shit, in the bathroom
Without someone standin by it
No i won't sign your autograph
You can call me an asshole i'm glad

Chorus (except change first word "cause" to "and")

[girl] yeaaah, hahahaha...whooooo, shit!
[em](aight)
[eminem] guess what? i ain't coming in yet...
I'll come in a minute
[eminem] ayo...this is my love song...it goes like this

[eminem]
Back when mark walhberg was marky mark
This is how we used to make the party start
We used to mix hen' with bacardi dark
And when it, kicks in you can hardly talk
And by the, sixth gin you're gonna probably crawl
And you'll be, sick then and you'll probably barf
And my pre-diction is you're gonna probably fall
Either somewhere in the lobby or the hallway wall
And everything's spinning
You're beginin' to think women
Are swimming in pink linen again in the sink
Then in a couple of minutes that bottle of guiness is finished
You are now allowed to officially slap bitches
You have the right to remain violent and start wilin'
Start a fight with the same guy that was smart eyin' you
Get in your car, start it, and start drivin'
Over the island and cause a 42 car pile-up
[em's spaceman voice]earth calling, pilot to co-pilot
Look at the life on this planet, sir, no sign of it
All i can see is a bunch of smoke flyin'
And i'm so high that i might die if i go by it
Let me out of this place
I'm outta place
I'm in outer space
I've just vanished without a trace
I'm going to a pretty place now where the flowers grow
I'll be back in an hour or so

Chorus

[eminem]
'cause every time i go to try to leave
Something keeps pullin' on my sleeve
I don't wanna, but i gotta stay
These drugs really got ahold of me

'cause every time i try to tell them "no"
They won't let me ever let them go
I'm a sucka all i gotta say
These drugs really got ahold of me

[eminem]
In third grade, all i used to do
Was sniff glue through a tube and play rubix cube
17 years later i'm as rude as jude
Scheming on the first chick with the hugest boobs
I've got no game
And every face looks the same
They've got no name
So i don't need game to play
I just say whatever i want to whoever i want
Whenever i want, wherever i want, however i want
However, i do show some respect to few
As ecstacy got me standing next to you
Getting sentimental as fuck spillin' guts to you
We just met
But i think i'm in love with you
But you're on it too
So you tell me you love me too
Wake up in the morning like "yo, what the fuck we do?"
I gotta go bitch
You know i have stuff to do
'cause if i get caught cheatin' then i'm stuck with you
But in the long run
These drugs are probably going to catch up sooner or later
But fuck it, i'm on one
So let's enjoy
Let the x destroy your spinal cord
So it's not a straight line no more
'til we walk around looking like some wind-up dolls
Shit's sticking out of our backs like a dinosaur
Shit, six hits won't even get me high no more
So bye for now
I'm going to try to find some more

Chorus

[eminem]
That's the sound of a bottle when it's hollow
When you swallow it all wollow and drown in your sorrow
And tomorrow you're probably going to want to do it again
What's a little spinal fluid between you and a friend? screw it
And what's a little bit of alcohol poisoning?
And what's a little fight?
Tomorrow you'll be boys again
It's your life
Live it however you wanna
Marijuana is everywhere
Where was you brought up?
It don't matter as long as you get where you're going
'cause none of the shit is going to mean shit where we're going
They tell you to stop, but you just sit there ignoring
Even though you wake up feeling like shit every morning
But you're young
You've got a lot of drugs to do
Girls to screw
Parties to crash
Sucks to be you
If i could take it all back now, i wouldn't
I would have did more shit that people said that i shouldn't
But i'm all grown up now and upgraded and graduated
Did better drugs and updated
But i've still got a lot of growing up to do
I've still got a whole lot of throwing up to spew
But when it's all said and done i'll be 40
Before i know it with a 40 on the porch telling stories
With a bottle of jack
Two grandkids in my lap
Babysiting for haley while haley's out getting smashed

Chorus 2x (same as previous, but 2nd time
The last line is repeated like this)

Drugs really got ahold of me
They really got ahold of me
'cause drugs really got ahold of me
They really got ahold of me

Call this mother fucker
( dial tone )
Ohh fuck yeah
Give em a piece of my mind....
A piece of my ass
( thanks for waiting,
This is -----
May i help you? )
Ohh thank you
I need to make a collect call
( what number? )
Ohhh
The numbers _62-____
( at the tone, please say your name. )
( beep )
Kennith kaniff....from connecticut.
Automated piece of shit
Ring, ring
Yo
Hey there cockboy.
Who's this?
This is ken kannif
Who?
Ken kannif from connecticut, ya little bitch.
From connecticut?
Yean you wanna get a...
I dont know nobody in connecticut.
You wanna get a hotel room with me?
A hotel room?
Yeah, you want me to lick your ass, eminem!?
Ha.. yo, wh, who is this? cage?
Hey, pa ha..
You want me ta fuckin melt in your mouth and not in your hand? melt in
Your ass, ya little cockboy.
He k k k k, yo shut up you little bitch.
Oh you think im lyin huh?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Chorus: dido

My tea's gone cold i'm wondering why i..
Got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window..
And i can't see at all
And even if i could it'll all be gray,
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
It's not so bad..

1st chorus: volume gradually grows over raindrop background
2nd chorus: full volume with beat right after "thunder" noise

[eminem as ugly 'stan']
Dear slim, i poopo in da toilet
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes i scribble addresses too sloppy when i jot 'em
But anyways; fuck it, what's been up? man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, i'm bout to be a father
If i have a daughter, guess what i'ma call her?
I'ma name her bonnie
I read about your uncle ronnie too i'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but i'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with skam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with rawkus too, that shit was fat
Anyways, i hope you get this man, hit me back,
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is stan

{chorus: dido}

[eminem as 'stan']
Dear slim, you still ain't called or wrote, i hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - i just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
You didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for matthew
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,
Four hours and you just said, "no."
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fuckin idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than i do
I ain't that mad though, i just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in denver - you said if i'd write you
You would write back - see i'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither;
He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
So when i have a shitty day, i drift away and put 'em on
Cause i don't really got shit else so that shit helps when i'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes i even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and i respect you cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause i talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like i know you slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, i'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, stan -- p.s.
We should be together too

{chorus: dido}

[eminem as 'stan']
Dear mister-i'm-too-good-to-call-or-write-my-fans,
This'll be the last package i ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word - i don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette i'm sending you, i hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, i'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey slim, i drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by phil collins, "in the air of the night"
About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
But didn't, then phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late - i'm on a 1000 downers now, i'm drowsy
And all i wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know i ripped +all+ of your pictures off the wall
I love you slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, i hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream i hope you can't sleep and you scream about it
I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me
See slim; {*screaming*} shut up bitch! i'm tryin to talk!
Hey slim, that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk
But i didn't slit her throat, i just tied her up, see i ain't like you
Cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, i'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, i forgot, how'm i supposed to send this shit out?
{*car tires squeal*} {*crash*}
.. {*brief silence*} .. {*loud splash*}

{chorus: dido}

[eminem]
Dear stan, i meant to write you sooner but i just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, i'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
And here's an autograph for your brother,
I wrote it on the starter cap
I'm sorry i didn't see you at the show, i musta missed you
Don't think i did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that shit just clownin dogg,
C'mon - how fucked up is you?
You got some issues stan, i think you need some counseling
To help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
Or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read this letter, i just hope it reaches you in time
Before you hurt yourself, i think that you'll be doin just fine
If you relax a little, i'm glad i inspire you but stan
Why are you so mad? try to understand, that i do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
And had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid
And in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was.. it was you
Damn!

[eminem]
May i have your attention please?
May i have your attention please?
Will the real slim shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real slim shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like pam, like tommy just burst in the door
And started whoopin her ass worse than before
They first were divorce, throwin her over furniture (ahh!)
It's the return of the... "ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
He didn't just say what i think he did, did he?"
And dr. dre said... nothing you idiots!
Dr. dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (ha-ha!)
Feminist women love eminem {*vocal turntable:
Chigga chigga chigga*} "slim shady, i'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what
Flippin the you-know-who," "yeah, but he's so cute though!"
Yeah, i probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes, i wanna get on tv and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for tom green to hump a dead moose
"my bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
And if i'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the discovery channel don't they?
"we ain't nothing but mammals.." well, some of us cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes {*slurp*}
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
{*ewww!*} but if you feel like i feel, i got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

Chorus: eminem (repeat 2x)

I'm slim shady, yes i'm the real shady
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
So won't the real slim shady please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up?

[eminem]
Will smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records;
Well i do, so fuck him and fuck you too!
You think i give a damn about a grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"but slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? so you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to britney spears?
Shit, christina aguilera better switch me chairs
So i can sit next to carson daly and fred durst
And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
You little bitch, put me on blast on mtv
"yeah, he's cute, but i think he's married to kim, hee-hee!"
I should download her audio on mp3
And show the whole world how you gave eminem vd {*ahhh!*}
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
So i have been sent here to destroy you {*bzzzt*}
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

Chorus

[eminem]
I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause i'm only givin you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is i got the balls to say it
In front of y'all and i don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it {*err*} i just shit it
Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
It's funny; cause at the rate i'm goin when i'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursin home flirting
Pinchin nurses asses when i'm jackin off with jergens
And i'm jerkin but this whole bag of viagra isn't working
And every single person is a slim shady lurkin
He could be workin at burger king, spittin on your onion rings
{*hach*} or in the parkin lot, circling
Screaming "i don't give a fuck!"
With his windows down and his system up
So, will the real shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

Chorus 2x

[eminem]
Ha ha
Guess there's a slim shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up