Imperial Bedroom

All the bedroom lights go out
As the neighbourhood gets quiet
Everything in heaven and earth is almost right
But there's a wife whos wondering where her husband could be tonight
And when the phone rang only once she took a dreadful fright

Little things just seem to undermine her confidence in him
He was late this time last week
Who can she turn to when the chance of coincidence is slim
'cause the baby isn't old enought to speak

There's been a long honeymoon
She thought too late and spoke too soon
There's no money back guarantee on future happiness
There's been a long honeymoon
If he's out on a date then her life's in ruins
She never thought her love could ever be as strong as this

All the movies and the papers
Feature the murders of lonely women
If he isn't in by ten she'll call up her best friend
Why doesn't he come home
Why does her friends phone keep on ringing
Maybe she should just pretend

(chorus)

History repeats the old conceits
The glib replies the same defeats
Keep your finger on important issues
With crocodile tears and a pocketful of tissues

I'm just the oily slick
On the windup world of the nervous tick
In a very fashionable hovel

I hang around dying to be tortured
You'll never be alone in the bone orchard
This battle with the bottle is nothing so novel

So in this almost empty gin palace
Through a two-way looking glass
You see your alice

You know she has no sense
For all your jealousy
In a sense she still smiles very sweetly

Charged with insults and flattery
Her body moves with malice
Do you have to be so cruel to be callous

And now you find you fit this identikit completely
You say you have no secrets
And then leave discreetly

I might make it california's fault
Be locked in geneva's deepest vault
Just like the canals of mars and the great barrier reef
I come to you beyond belief

My hands were clammy and cunning
She's been suitably stunning
But i know there's not a hope in hades
All the laddies cat call and wolf whistle
So-called gentlemen and ladies
Dog fight like rose and thistle

I've got a feeling
I'm going to get a lot of grief
Once this seemed so appealing
Now i am beyond belief

(repeat chorus)

There's a young girl with her old man who's too sick to mention
She'll be turning twenty seven as she draws her widow's pension
But he couldn't catch a common cold he couldn't get arrested
Too terrified to answer back
Too tired to have resisted

Many hands make light work
Shorthand makes life easy
When he's out on night work
Make sure no one sees me
It all ends up in a slanging match with body talk and bruises
A change is better than a rest
Silly beggars can't be choosers

One of a thousand pities you can't categorize
There are ten commandments of love
When will you realise
There are ten commandments of love
I believe, i trust, i promise, i wish love's just a throwaway kiss
In this pidgin english

If you're so wise use your lips and your eyes
Take it to the bridge she sighs

You go cheep cheep cheep between bulleyes and bluster
Stiff as your poker face
Keener than mustard
From your own back yard to the land of exotica
From the truth society to neurotic erotica

Silence is golden
Money talks diamonds and ermine
There's a word in spanish
Italian and german
In sign language, morse code, semaphore and gibberish
Have you forgotten how to say it
In your pidgin english?

(chorus)

Ps i love you

Wait until the light goes out,
I don't want to be seen about,
Maybe we could find a place to go.
Find a crowded place where they don't care about your face,
Or if your name is even santa claus or joe.
I'll be right at home if they leave me alone.
That's why i only operate at night time.
Wait until the clock strikes ten,
It'll all start happening then.
Baby, just you wait and see.
We can have a little party, laugh and sing and everything,
I know you'll like it, just you wait and see.
Maybe first we'll dig a movie,
Then we'll hit they high spots feelin' groovy.
That's why i only operate at night time.
The right time is the night time.
I wait `til it's late and i can concentrate,
Making love by the light of the moon.
So when it's way past nine, get ready for a swinging time,
`cause i don't know where to draw the line.
We can have a little party, laugh and sing and everything,
I know you'll like it just you wait and see.
Maybe first we'll dig a movie,
Then we'll hit the high spots feelin' groovy.
That's why i only operate at night time.
Night time.
(repeat 5 more times and fade)

You turn to the sinister when you get the boot
Sliding down the banister in your sunday suit
Lying on a slag heap of blankets and magazines
She's only thirty-five going on seventeen
You'd better roll over and go to sleep if you don't come clean

And in every home there will be lots of time
I will be all yours you might have been admired
(and in every home there will be lots of time)
They say they're very sorry but you are not desired
Oh heaven preserve us
Oh heaven preserve us
Oh heaven preserve us
Because they don't deserve us

Holding your life in your hand
With an artificial limp wrist
And so a young blade becomes a has-been
Looking for a new twist

A year after the wedding he broke all their china plates
He's in prison now she's running with his mates
Sees him every sunday
And he asks her where she's been
She's only thirty-five going on seventeen
She's going to cop a packet if he ever finds her
In between the sheets

(chorus)

Don't get smart or sarcastic
He snaps back just like elastic
Spare us the theatrics and the verbal gymnastics
We break wise guys just like matchsticks

What would the loved ones say
Your pride and joy is all blown up
What would the loved ones say
The bride and boy are barely grown up
You're not my particular poison
I've got nothing against you myself
You could have been a danger to the boys and girls
Now you're a danger to yourself

Oh what would the loved ones say
What would the loved ones say
Oh what would the loved ones say
What would the loved ones say

The ugly little scenes run round your bed
The ugly little dreams you get the needle and no thread
They stitched you up this time
They say you'll do
They bitch about your pretty face turning ugly on you

The butcher the baker and the bassline maker
Say you can leave her i can take her
You live your whole life like a minute or two later
One day its going to end sooner than greater

What would the loved ones say
He'll be remembered young and pretty
What would the loved ones say
Now he's a hit in every city
Now there's a name well never forget
There's one born every minute
Dont pin a medal on me yet
They might be waiting for you

(chorus)

Pps i love you

Sometimes i try so hard to resist, you say you will and i say you won't.
Sometimes i think that you don't exsist and sometimes you don't.
Pinch me 'cause i don't believe it.
Kiss me 'cause it feels like a hit.
I turn around and you're not there.
Why must it always be the less i see of you, the more i care?
You're determined to make me as miserable as you can.
You're like harry houdini or the invisible man.
Count 10 and then down again.
9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Doing everything they say shouldn't be done,
More fun than you can have with your clothes on.
Pinch me 'cause i don't believe it.
Kiss me 'cause it feels like a hit.
I turn around and you're not there.
Why must it always be the less i see of you, the more i care?
You're determined to make me as miserable as you can.
You're like harry houdini or the invisible man.
I turn around and you're not there.
Why must it always be the less i see of you, the more i care?
The less i see of you, the more i care.
The less i see of you, the more i care.

Daddy's best girl in the world is not supposed to have a boyfriend
But she's never wanted at home
Other girls are allowed to wear their makeup
She sneaks out her lipstick powder and comb
She surrounds his name with hearts and flowers
Talks on the telephone for hours and hours
But with the bird in his hand
And two on a string
The words of love have an imitation ring

You little fool, you little fool
I suppose that your going to stay all night
You little fool
Don't look at me that way you know it isn't right
You little fool

They say no news is good news
The little girl wants information
Mother just gives her some pills to choose
And says go and use your imagination

Daddy's best girl in the world says just look what i have got
As she sits beside him on the high stool
With his arm around her neck snowball in one hand
And the other full of imitation jewels
She fingers a string of pearls
An imitation but he'll never know it
Imitation lashes flutter above
Looking for an imitation of love

You little fool
I suppose that your going to stay all night
You little fool
So don't look at me that way you know it isn't right
You little fool

so this is where he came to hide
When he ran from you
In a private detective's overcoat
And dirty dead man's shoes

The pretty things of knightsbridge
Lying for a minister of state
Is a far cry from the nod and wink
Here at traitor's gate

'cause the high heel he used to be has been ground down
And he listens for the footsteps that would follow him around

To murder my love is a crime
But will you still love
A man out of time

There's a tuppeny hapenny millionaire
Looking for a fourpenny one
With a tight grip on the short hairs
Of the public imagination

But for his private wife and kids somehow
Real life becomes a rumour
Days of dutch courage
Just three french letters and a german sense of humour

He's got a mind like a sewer and a heart like a fridge
He stands to be insulted and he pays for the privilege

(chorus)

The biggest wheels of industry
Retire sharp and short
And the after dinner overtures
Are nothing but an after thought
Somebody's creeping in the kitchen
There's a reputation to be made
Whose nerves are always on a knife's edge
Who's up late polishing the blade

Love is always scarpering or cowering or fawning
You drink yourself insensitive and hate yourself in the morning

(chorus)

You say you don't desire me,
She's only a hired hand,
Now you are tired of me.
Expensive care is meaningless,
Feeling nothing and caring less.
Cut off at the pass,
She knows where you were headed,
She wants double-time or a temporary wedding.
And the lucky girl leads a life of leisure,
Though she? with forty-five years
For seconds of pleasure.
I thought i knew you too well,
Now i find the man is a mystery,
And the promises you made
Are really only ancient history.
Everyday goes by without a hitch,
You say the urge becomes an itch.
You say that i'm no go for you, that's rich,
Or am i being bitchy?
And the lucky girl leads a life of leisure,
Though she forty-five years
For seconds of pleasure.
And the hands on the clock move so precisley,
You say you only kissed her once or twice.
You didn't do it for love, you didn't even do it with stealth.
I can't help you now,
I can't help myself.
Commited to life and then commuted to the outskirts.
I was living for thirty minutes at a time
With a break in the middle for adverts.
You treat me like a piece of human furniture.
You say when? you sad soul,
If you can look all that you like,
But i won't let you touch and poke.
And the lucky girl leads a life of leisure,
Though she ? forty-five years
For seconds of pleasure.

I've been talking to the wall and it's been answering me
Oh darling how i miss you
I'm just the mere shadow of my former selfishness
I crave the silhouette of your kiss
With only the blue light of the tv on
Lip reading threats and false alarms
There's a boy somewhere holding hands with himself
And a girl in a window on the reeperbarn

Whenever i put my foot in my mouth and you begin to doubt
That it's you that i'm dreaming about
Do i have to draw you a diagram?
All i ever want is just to fall into your human hands

With the kings and queens of the dance hall craze
Checkmate in three moves in your heyday
But the girls don't listen to your line anymore
Now you're part of someone else

On the factory floor and you still say "wheres the action?"
Now you manufacture happiness
And get sold on the cheap for someone's satisfaction

(chorus)

All you toy soldiers and scaremongers
Are you living in this world sometimes i wonder
In between saying you've seen too much and saying you've seen it all before

Tighter and tighter i hold you tightly
You know i love you more than slightly
Although i've never said it like this before

(chorus)