Dirk Wears White Sox

When i met you you were just sixteen
Pulling the wings off flies
When an old lady got hit by a truck
I saw the wicked gleam in your eyes
Your sadistic suits my masochistic
And theres a whip in may valise on yeah

Who taught you to torture?
Who taught ya?
Who taught ya?
Who taught ya?
Who taught ya?

Describe the special punishment room
Over my garage, theres a
Whipping post, a vertical beam
You have to be in charge
I payed a packet
For a new straight jacket
And theres a whip in my valise oh yeah

You put my head into the stocks
And then you went to choose a cane
But hey your cat has got nine tails
You like to leave me lame
I can't thank her, my sunday spanker
There's a whip in my valise oh yeah

Who taught you to torture?
Who taught ya?

A man and a woman walking down the
Street
With a son and a daughter it was oh so sweet
When mummy turned to daddy and she
Said:
'my dear, write out your will the end is near'
Then she pulled out the gun
I saw the sparks
Messed up the suit that he'd bought from
Marks
Because

She'd heard the voices from outer space
She'd heard the voices from outer space
She'd heard the voices from outer space
Saying,'never trust a man with egg on his
Face'
Three months later mrs b stands
A smile on her face, blood on her hands
The kiddies got scared and have run to bed
The headlines in the papers said that:
'she was the victim of an awful plan.
Announced through the mouthpiece of a
Little green man
She'd heard the voices from outer space
Saying:
'never trust a man with egg on his face'

La-la

Lock up your brain
Because i'm here again
I'm never bored to steal your chords
Ooh-ooh zerox machine
Ooh-ooh zerox machine

Give me a line
Or a middle eight
I've got the best so i want the rest
Ooh-ooh zerox machine
Ooh-ooh zerox machine

Lets get together before its too late
Collect up the ideas, duplicate
Filling up the forms, send them off tonight
And you'll be the owner of the copyright
Of the copyright, of the copyright

Time of the essence get your ears to the
Ground
However else can the hits be found?

I may look happy, healthy and clean
A dark brown c voice and suit pristine
But behind the smile there is a zerox
Machine

I'm a zerox machine

Cleopatra did ten thousand in her iifetime
Now that a wide mouth
Cleopatra gave a service with a smile
She was a wide mouthed girl
A wide mouthed girl

Cleopatra did a hundred(100) roman
Centurions

For after dinner mints
Cleopatra used a suction oh so unheard of
She was a wide mouthed girl
A wide mouthed girl (believe it)

Show me a bigger mouth
Show me a bigger mouth
Show me a bigger mouth
Show me a bigger mouth
What a weak distorted image
Elizabeth and richard gave you the screen
Of the wide mouthed girl
Wide mouthed girl

Don't like your stare
Don't like the arm in the air
Your style is so brash
And that silly moustache

It was, tabletalk

The evil i see
Sends bad vibrations through me
And oh what a square
With your diagonal hair

It was, tabletalk

L said to gilly
'how do you do tabletalk?'
'how do you do tabletalk?'
And this is what she said;
'love love love love...'

The love of his life
Too close to become a wife
And the death of this girl
Came close to saving the world

From his tabletalk

After nine years in the army
They took away his brain
They tattooed "defect" on his brow
And signed him up again

He killed ten thousand germans
A hundred japanese
A family of hindus
And a lot of portugese
Nine plan failed

I could never see the point
Of showing them you're boss
When they drag you through the city streets
And naii you to a cross

They took him to the office
They strapped him to the bed
They fastened lots of pretty wires
Securely to his head
They wheeled him down the corridor
Upon a metal trolley
Now he wears big spectacles
And he sings like buddy holly
Nine plan failed

I could never see the point
Of showing them you're boss
When they drag you through the city streets
And nail you to a cross

The world declared its armistice
And took away his guns
And now he satisfies himself
On piss-weak tea and buns
On piss-weak tea and buns
Oh oh
At the disco
Rome is very pretty
And rome is very grand
But the pope lost his four fingers
When they gave this boy his hand to kiss
When they gave this boy his hand to kiss
It wasn't funny no

He wasn't very good at school
His highest grade was c
But he believed the managers
When they said:-
"you leave it all to me"
They gave him suits from saville row
The quality so fine
So now he sits in the desert wastes
Just waiting for a sign
Nine plan failed