Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

She said she'd never been
Never been touched before
She said she'd never been
This far before
She said she'd never liked
To be excited
She said she'd always had
Had to fight it (and she never won)
She said she'd never been
Never been balled before
N' I don't think
She'll ever ball no more (fixed 'er good)

Hey Squealer - when I held her hand
Squealer - made her understand
Squealer - when I kissed her lips
Squealer - and sucked her finger tips
Squealer - she started getting hot
Squealer - made it hard to stop
Squealer - it got too much
Squealer - I think I've got the magic touch

I'm ever upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I've got
The biggest balls of all

CHORUS:
I've got big balls
I've got big balls
And they're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
But we've got the biggest balls of them all

And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody cums and cums again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I've got
Great balls of fire

CHORUS

Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night

CHORUS

And I'm just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish...

Ball sucker

I'm hot
And when I'm not
I'm cold as ice
See me comin'
Step aside
Or pay the price
What I want I take
What I don't I break
And I don't want you
With a flick of my knife
I can change your life
There's nothing you can do

Cause I'm a problem child

Make my stand
No man's land
On my own
Man in blue
It's up to you
The seed is sown
What I want I stash
What I don't I smash
N' you're on my list
Dead or alive
Got a .45
N' I never miss

Cause I'm a problem child

Every night
Street light
I drink my booze
Some run
Some fight
I win they lose
What I need I like
What I don't I fight
N' I don't like you
So say bye bye
While your still alive
Cause your time is due

Cause I'm a problem child

The following is a true story
Only the names have been changed
To protect the guilty -

Well i left my job in my home town
And i headed for the smoke
Got a rock 'n' roll band and a fast right hand
Gonna get to the top
Nothing's gonna stop us, no nothing

So if you've got the money, we've got the sound
You put it up and we'll put it down
If you got the dollar, we got the song
Just wanna boogie woogie all night long
Yeh boogie

I got holes in my shoes
I got holes in my teeth
I got holes in my socks
I can't get no sleep
I'm trying to make a million

And i got patches on the patches
On my old blue jeans
Well they used to be blue
When they used to be new
When they used to be clean

But i've got a momma whose a hummer [and i've got a mama, whose a hummer]
Whose keeping me alive [[just] keepin' me alive]
While i'm in the band doing drinking with the boys [while i'm doin' drinkin
She's working 9 to 5 with the boys]
[she] knows her place that woman

Just you wait -
One of these days see me driving round town
In my rock 'n' rolls royce with the sun roof down
My bottle of booze
No summer time blues
Shouting out, "look at me"
In my rock 'n' roll voice

Ain't no fun waiting round to be a millionaire
Repeat

"hey hello howard, how you doin', my next door neighbour?"
"oh yea... get your fuckin' jumbo jet off my airport"

If you're havin' trouble with your high school head
He's givin' you the blues
You wanna graduate but not in 'is bed
Here's what you gotta do -
Pick up the phone
I'm always home
Call me any time
Just dial
36 24 36 hey
I lead a life of crime

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap

You got problems in your life of love
You got a broken heart
He's double dealin' with your best friend
That's when the teardrops start -
Pick up the phone
I'm here alone
Or make a social call
Come right in
Forget about him
We'll have ourselves a ball

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap

If you got a lady and you want her gone
But you ain't got the guts
She keeps naggin' at you night and day
Enough to drive you nuts -
Pick up the phone
Leave her alone
It's time you made a stand
For a fee
I'm happy to be
Your back door man

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap

Concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT
Done Dirt Cheap
Neckties, contracts, high voltage
Done Dirt Cheap