Deram Anthology 1966-68

I was walking down the high street
When i heard footsteps behind me
And there was a little old man (hello)
In scarlet and grey, shuffling away (laughter)
Well he trotted back to my house
And he sat beside the telly (oaah..)
With his tiny hands on his tummy
Chuckling away, laughing all day (laughter)

Oh, i ought to report you to the gnome office
(gnome office)
Yes
(hahahahaha)

Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you don't catch me"
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me"
Said the laughing gnome

Well i gave him roasted toadstools and a glass of dandelion wine (burp, pardon)
Then i put him on a train to eastbourne
Carried his bag and gave him a fag
(haven't you got a light boy?)
"here, where do you come from?"
(gnome-man's land, hahihihi)
"oh, really?"

In the morning when i woke up
He was sitting on the edge of my bed
With his brother whose name was fred
He'd bought him along to sing me a song

Right, let's hear it
Here, what's that clicking noise?
(that's fred, he's a "metrognome", haha)

Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you don't catch me"
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me"

(own up, i'm a gnome, ain't i right, haha)
"haven't you got an 'ome to go to?"
(no, we're gnomads)
"didn't they teach you to get your hair cut at school? you look like a rolling gnome."
(no, not at the london school of ecognomics)

Now they're staying up the chimney
And we're living on caviar and honey (hooray!)
Cause they're earning me lots of money
Writing comedy prose for radio shows
It's the-er (what?)
It's the gnome service of course

Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you don't catch me"
Ha ha ha, oh, dear me

(ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me"
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me")

(one more time, yeah)

Mountains of lhasa are feeling the rain
People are walking the botella lanes
Preacher takes the school
One boy breaks a rule

Silly boy blue, blue
Silly boy blue

Yak butter statues that melt in the sun
Cannot dissolve all the work you've not done
A chela likes to feel
That his overself pays the bill

Silly boy blue, blue
Silly boy blue

You wish and wish, and wish again
You've tried so hard to fly
You'll never leave your body now
You've got to wait to die

La la la la la , la la , la la la la
La la la la la , la la , la la la la
La la la , la la
La la la , la la
Silly boy blue, blue
Silly boy blue

Child of tibet, you're a gift from the sun
Reincarnation of one better man
The homeward road is long
You've left your prayers and song

Silly boy blue , blue
Silly boy blue
Silly boy blue
Silly boy blue

War made him a soldier
Little frankie mear
Peace left him a loser
The little bombardier

Lines of worry appeared with age
Unskilled hands that knew no trade
Spent his time in the picture house
The little bombardier

Frankie drank his money
The little that he made
Told his woes to no man
Friendless, lonely days

Then one day, in the abc
Four bright eyes gazed longingly
At the ice-cream in the hand of
The little bombardier

Sunshine entered our frankie's days
Gone his worries, his hopeless maze
His life was fun and his heart was full of joy

Two young children had changed his aims
He gave them toffees and played their games
He brought them presents with every coin he made

Then two gentlemen called on him
Asked him for his name
Why was he friends with the children
Were they just a game?

Leave them alone or we'll get sore
We've had blokes like you in the station before
The hand of authority said "no more"
To the little bombardier

Packed his bags, his heart in pain
Wiped a tear and caught a train
Not to be seen in the town again
The little bombardier

There is a happy land where only children live
They don't have the time to learn the ways
Of you sir, mr. grownup

There's a special place in the rhubarb fields underneath the leaves
It's a secret place and adults aren't allowed there, mr. grownup
Go away, sir

Charlie brown got's half a crown, he's gonna buy a kite
Jimmy's ill with chicken pox, and tommy's learned to ride his bike
Tiny tim sings prayers and hymns, he's so small we don't notice him
He gets in the way but we always let him play with us

Mother calls, but we don't hear
There's lots more things to do
It's only 5 o'clock, and we're not tired yet
But we will be, very shortly

Sissy steven plays with girls, someone made him cry
Tony climbed a tree and fell, trying hard to touch the sky
Tommy lit a fire one day, nearly burned the field away
Tommy's mum found out, but he put the blame on me and ray

There is a happy land where only children live
You've had your chance and now the doors are closed sir, mr. grownup
Go away, sir

Boo, boo, boo, boo doop ...

When i live my dream, i'll take you with me
Riding on a golden horse
We'll live within my castle, with people there to serve you
Happy at the sound of your voice

Baby, i'll slay a dragon for you
Or banish wicked giants from the land
But you will find, that nothing in my dream can hurt you
We will only love each other as forever
When i live my dream

When i live my dream, i'll forgive the things you've told me
And the empty man you left behind
It's a broken heart that dreams, it's a broken heart you left me
Only love can live in my dream

I'll wish, and the thunder clouds will vanish
Wish, and the storm will fade away
Wish again, and you will stand before me while the sky will paint an overture
And trees will play the rhythm of my dream

When i live my dream, please be there to meet me
Let me be the one to understand
When i live my dream, i'll forget the hurt you gave me
Then we can live in our new land

Till the day my dream cascades around me
I'm content to let you pass me by
Till that day, you'll run to many other men
But let them know it's just for now
Tell them that i've got a dream
And tell them you're the starring role
Tell them i'm a dreaming kind of guy
And i'm going to make my dream
Tell them i will live my dream
Tell them they can laugh at me
But don't forget your date with me
When i live my dream

She'd walk through the door and she'd set up the drinks on the house
She played a good game of darts, and the men slapped her back
And never took her out
She wore a trenchcoat khaki
Her hobnail boots were full of holes

She's got medals

Her mother called her mary, but she changed her name to tommy, she's a one, oh
She went and joined the army, passed the medical
Don't ask me how it's done
They sent her to the front line
Fighting for her country's name

She's got medals

She got very tired of picking up girls
Cleaning her gun and shaving her curls
Then the enemy dropped a bomb
Survivors there were none

People say that when the moon is full and all the stars have gone to bed
You can see her ghost but that's a lie because the naughty woman isn't dead
She deserted on the previous morning
Replaced her uniform with dresses silk and green
Called herself eileen
Came to london town
Now she's settled down

She's got medals

La la la la la la la la la la la la la

A winter's day, a bitter snowflake on my face
My summer girl takes little backward steps away
Jack frost took her hand and left me, jack frost ain't so cool

Sell me a coat with buttons of silver
Sell me a coat that's red or gold
Sell me a coat with little patch pockets
Sell me a coat 'cause i feel cold

And when she smiles, the ice forgets to melt away
Not like before, her smile was warming yesterday
See the trees like silver candy, feel my icy hand

Sell me a coat with buttons of silver
Sell me a coat that's red or gold
Sell me a coat with little patch pockets
Sell me a coat 'cause i feel cold

See my eyes, my window pane
See my tears like gentle rain
That's the memory of a summer day

Sell me a coat with buttons of silver
Sell me a coat that's red or gold
Sell me a coat with little patch pockets
Sell me a coat 'cause i feel cold
Sell me a coat with buttons of silver
Sell me a coat that's red or gold
Sell me a coat with little patch pockets
Sell me a coat 'cause i feel cold

La la la la la la

Ground control to major tom
Ground control to major tom
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on

Ground control to major tom
Commencing countdown, engines on
Check ignition and may god's love be with you

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five,
Four, three, two, one, liftoff

This is ground control to major tom
You've really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare

"this is major tom to ground control
I'm stepping through the door
And i'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today

For here
Am i sitting in a tin can
Far above the world
Planet earth is blue
And there's nothing i can do

Though i'm past one hundred thousand miles
I'm feeling very still
And i think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell me wife i love her very much she knows"

Ground control to major tom
Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong
Can you hear me, major tom?
Can you hear me, major tom?
Can you hear me, major tom?
Can you....

"here am i floating round my tin can
Far above the moon
Planet earth is blue
And there's nothing i can do."

Strikes the bell for 5 o'clock, uncle arthur closes shop
Screws the tops on all the bottles, turns the lights out, locks it up
Climbs across his bike and he's away
Cycles past the gasworks, past the river, down the high street
Back to mother, it's another empty day

Uncle arthur likes his mommy
Uncle arthur still reads comics
Uncle arthur follows batman

Round and round the rumours fly, how he ran away from mum
On his 32nd birthday, told her that he'd found a chum
Mother cried and raved and yelled and fussed
Arthur left her no illusion, brought the girl round, save confusion
Sally was the real thing, not just lust

Uncle arthur vanished quickly
Uncle arthur and his new bride
Uncle arthur follows sally

Round and round goes arthur's head, hasn't eaten well for days
Little sally may be lovely, but cooking leaves her in a maze
Uncle arthur packed his bags and fled
Back to mother, all's forgiven, serving in the family shop
He gets his pocket money, he's well fed

Uncle arthur past the gasworks
Uncle arthur past the river
Uncle arthur down the high street
Uncle arthur follows mother

When i live my dream, i'll take you with me
Riding on a golden horse
We'll live within my castle, with people there to serve you
Happy at the sound of your voice

Baby, i'll slay a dragon for you
Or banish wicked giants from the land
But you will find, that nothing in my dream can hurt you
We will only love each other as forever
When i live my dream

When i live my dream, i'll forgive the things you've told me
And the empty man you left behind
It's a broken heart that dreams, it's a broken heart you left me
Only love can live in my dream

I'll wish, and the thunder clouds will vanish
Wish, and the storm will fade away
Wish again, and you will stand before me while the sky will paint an overture
And trees will play the rhythm of my dream

When i live my dream, please be there to meet me
Let me be the one to understand
When i live my dream, i'll forget the hurt you gave me
Then we can live in our new land

Till the day my dream cascades around me
I'm content to let you pass me by
Till that day, you'll run to many other men
But let them know it's just for now
Tell them that i've got a dream
And tell them you're the starring role
Tell them i'm a dreaming kind of guyavoice: here is the news
According to the latest world population survey
The figures have reached danger point, my god
London 15 million 75 thousand
New york 80 million
Paris 15 million and 30
China 1000 million
Braidlington-spa lots

My studies included suffragy
I formed my own society
To crush the bear of fecundity
The world will overpopulate
Unless you claim infertility
So who will buy a drink for me, your messiah

We are not your friends
We don't give a damn for what you're saying
We're here to live our lives

I propose to give the pill
Free of charge to those that feel
That they are not infertible
The kroks of you, the cattle gun
There's only one way to linger on
So who will buy a drink for me, your messiah

We are not your friends
We don't give a damn for what you're saying
We're here to live our lives

Voice:
Achtung, achtung, these are your orders
Anyone found guilty of consuming more than their allotted amount of air
Will be slaughtered and cremated
Only one cubic foot of air is allowed ...

I have prepared a document, legalising mass abortion
We will turn a blind eye to infanticide

We are not your friends
We don't give a damn for what you're saying
We're here to live our lives

You don't seem to hear me clear
Do i talk above your sphere?
Let me explain my project , dear
Show you how i'll save the world
Or let it die within the year
Why do you look that way at me, your messiah

We are not your friends
We don't give a damn for what you're saying
We're here to live our lives

We are hungry men
We don't give a damn for what you're saying
We're here to eat you
And i'm going to make my dream
Tell them i will live my dream
Tell them they can laugh at me
But don't forget your date with me
When i live my dream

There's a little churchyard just along the way
It used to be lambeth's finest array
Of tombstones, epitaphs, wreaths, flowers all that jazz
Till the war came along and someone dropped a bomb on the lot

And in this little yard, there's a little old man
With a little shovel in his little bitty hand
He seems to spend all his days puffing fags and digging graves
He hates the reverend vicar and he lives all alone in his home

Ah-choo ! excuse me

Please mr. gravedigger, don't feel ashamed
As you dig little holes for the dead and the maimed
Please mr. gravedigger, i couldn't care
If you found a golden locket full of some girl's hair
And you put it in your pocket

God, it's pouring down

Her mother doesn't know about your sentimental joy
She thinks it's down below with the rest of her toys
And ma wouldn't understand, so i won't tell
So keep your golden locket all safely hid away in your pocket

Yes, mr. gd, you see me every day , st ....ah choo !
Standing in the same spot by a certain grave
Mary-ann was only 10, full of life and oh so gay
And i was the wicked man who took her life away
Very selfish, oh god

No, mr. gd, you won't tell
And just to make sure that you keep it to yourself
I've started digging holes myself
And this one here's for you

Lifted our girl, she apparently doesn't know of it
Hello misses, thought she'd be a little girl
Bloody obscene, catch pneumonia or something in this rain