Deram Anthology 1966-68

I was walking down the high street
When i heard footsteps behind me
And there was a little old man (hello)
In scarlet and grey, shuffling away (laughter)
Well he trotted back to my house
And he sat beside the telly (oaah..)
With his tiny hands on his tummy
Chuckling away, laughing all day (laughter)

Oh, i ought to report you to the gnome office
(gnome office)
Yes
(hahahahaha)

Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you don't catch me"
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me"
Said the laughing gnome

Well i gave him roasted toadstools and a glass of dandelion wine (burp, pardon)
Then i put him on a train to eastbourne
Carried his bag and gave him a fag
(haven't you got a light boy?)
"here, where do you come from?"
(gnome-man's land, hahihihi)
"oh, really?"

In the morning when i woke up
He was sitting on the edge of my bed
With his brother whose name was fred
He'd bought him along to sing me a song

Right, let's hear it
Here, what's that clicking noise?
(that's fred, he's a "metrognome", haha)

Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you don't catch me"
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me"

(own up, i'm a gnome, ain't i right, haha)
"haven't you got an 'ome to go to?"
(no, we're gnomads)
"didn't they teach you to get your hair cut at school? you look like a rolling gnome."
(no, not at the london school of ecognomics)

Now they're staying up the chimney
And we're living on caviar and honey (hooray!)
Cause they're earning me lots of money
Writing comedy prose for radio shows
It's the-er (what?)
It's the gnome service of course

Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you don't catch me"
Ha ha ha, oh, dear me

(ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me"
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"i'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me")

(one more time, yeah)

Mountains of lhasa are feeling the rain
People are walking the botella lanes
Preacher takes the school
One boy breaks a rule

Silly boy blue, blue
Silly boy blue

Yak butter statues that melt in the sun
Cannot dissolve all the work you've not done
A chela likes to feel
That his overself pays the bill

Silly boy blue, blue
Silly boy blue

You wish and wish, and wish again
You've tried so hard to fly
You'll never leave your body now
You've got to wait to die

La la la la la , la la , la la la la
La la la la la , la la , la la la la
La la la , la la
La la la , la la
Silly boy blue, blue
Silly boy blue

Child of tibet, you're a gift from the sun
Reincarnation of one better man
The homeward road is long
You've left your prayers and song

Silly boy blue , blue
Silly boy blue
Silly boy blue
Silly boy blue

Let me introduce you to the gang
Johnny plays the sitar, he's an existentialist
Once he had a name, now he plays our game
You won't feel so good now that you've joined the gang

Molly is the model in the ads
Crazy clothes and acid full of soul and crazy hip
Someone switched her on, then her beam went wrong
Cause she can't switch off now that she's joined the gang

Arthur is a singer with a band
Arthur drinks two bottles just before he goes on stage
Look at arthur rave, all the kids are paid
They want to see the croaking man who joined the gang

You won't be alone, we've all got beery grins
It's a big illusion but at least you're in
At least you're in

This club's called the webb, it's this month's pick
Next month we shall find a place where prices aren't so stiff
15 bob a coke, 'fraid that's past a joke
This is how to spend now that you've joined the gang

This is what to do now that you're here
Sit round doing nothing all together very fast
Psychedelic stars, throwing down cigars
They're picking up the joints now that they've joined the gang

There is a happy land where only children live
They don't have the time to learn the ways
Of you sir, mr. grownup

There's a special place in the rhubarb fields underneath the leaves
It's a secret place and adults aren't allowed there, mr. grownup
Go away, sir

Charlie brown got's half a crown, he's gonna buy a kite
Jimmy's ill with chicken pox, and tommy's learned to ride his bike
Tiny tim sings prayers and hymns, he's so small we don't notice him
He gets in the way but we always let him play with us

Mother calls, but we don't hear
There's lots more things to do
It's only 5 o'clock, and we're not tired yet
But we will be, very shortly

Sissy steven plays with girls, someone made him cry
Tony climbed a tree and fell, trying hard to touch the sky
Tommy lit a fire one day, nearly burned the field away
Tommy's mum found out, but he put the blame on me and ray

There is a happy land where only children live
You've had your chance and now the doors are closed sir, mr. grownup
Go away, sir

Boo, boo, boo, boo doop ...

Baby, baby, brush the dust of youth from your shoulder
Because the years of fretting days are right behind you now
Don't return to fields of green where rainbow secrets were told
Place your ragged doll with all the toys and things and deeds
I will show you a game where the winner never wins

Let your hair hang down, wear the dress your mother wore
Let me sleep beside you

Lock away your childhood and throw away the key
For now the streets and city sounds will burn your eyes as coals
We shall drink the oldest wine and velvet skies will linger
Child, you're a woman now, your heart and soul are free
I will boldly light that lamp and we shall walk together

Let your hair hang down, wear the dress your mother wore
Let me sleep beside you

Your darkened eyes throw mystery
But your lips are void of history
You could not imagine that it could happen this way, could you
I will give you dreams and i'll tell you things you'll like to hear

Let your hair hang down, wear the dress your mother wore
Let me sleep beside you

Let me sleep beside you

She'd walk through the door and she'd set up the drinks on the house
She played a good game of darts, and the men slapped her back
And never took her out
She wore a trenchcoat khaki
Her hobnail boots were full of holes

She's got medals

Her mother called her mary, but she changed her name to tommy, she's a one, oh
She went and joined the army, passed the medical
Don't ask me how it's done
They sent her to the front line
Fighting for her country's name

She's got medals

She got very tired of picking up girls
Cleaning her gun and shaving her curls
Then the enemy dropped a bomb
Survivors there were none

People say that when the moon is full and all the stars have gone to bed
You can see her ghost but that's a lie because the naughty woman isn't dead
She deserted on the previous morning
Replaced her uniform with dresses silk and green
Called herself eileen
Came to london town
Now she's settled down

She's got medals

This girl is made of lipstick
Powder and paint
Sees the pictures of herself
Every magazine on every shelf

This girl is maid of bond street
Hailing cabs, lunches with executives
Gleaming teeth sip aperitifs

This girl is a lonely girl
Takes the train from paddington to oxford circus
Buys the daily news
But passengers don't smile at her, don't smile at her

This girl is made of loneliness
A broken heart
For the boy that she once knew
Doesn't want to know her any more

And this girl is a lonely girl
Every thing she wants is hers
But she can't make it with the boy she really wants to be with
All the time, to love, all the time

This boy is made of envy
Jealousy
He doesn't have a limousine
Really wants to be a star himself

This girl, her world is made of flashlights and films
Her cares are scraps on the cutting room floor

And maids of bond street drive round in chauffered cars
Maids of bond street picture clothes, eyes of stars
Maids of bond street shouldn't have worldly cares
Maids of bond street shouldn't have love affairs

Ground control to major tom
Ground control to major tom
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on

Ground control to major tom
Commencing countdown, engines on
Check ignition and may god's love be with you

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five,
Four, three, two, one, liftoff

This is ground control to major tom
You've really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare

"this is major tom to ground control
I'm stepping through the door
And i'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today

For here
Am i sitting in a tin can
Far above the world
Planet earth is blue
And there's nothing i can do

Though i'm past one hundred thousand miles
I'm feeling very still
And i think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell me wife i love her very much she knows"

Ground control to major tom
Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong
Can you hear me, major tom?
Can you hear me, major tom?
Can you hear me, major tom?
Can you....

"here am i floating round my tin can
Far above the moon
Planet earth is blue
And there's nothing i can do."

The gospel according to tony day
The gospel according to tony day
The gospel according to tony day
If i find a girl he'll take her away
Rotten tony!

The gospel according to brendan o'lear
The gospel according to brendan o'lear
The gospel according to brendan o'lear
If i buy him a scotch, he'll buy me a beer
Tight fist, friends

The gospel according to pat hewitt
The gospel according to pat hewitt
The gospel according to pat hewitt
If it's written on a sweater then i'd better not, you do it

Ah
Got to, got to

Your mind, blow i
Blow it

The gospel according to marianne brent
The gospel according to marianne brent
The gospel according to marianne brent
She'll be mine if i pay the rent
Good old marianne, who needs friends, oh

That's the fucking time, take a look at my life and you'll see
Take a quick, butchers, rotten mary down the oak
Wouldn't give me two pence for him

When i live my dream, i'll take you with me
Riding on a golden horse
We'll live within my castle, with people there to serve you
Happy at the sound of your voice

Baby, i'll slay a dragon for you
Or banish wicked giants from the land
But you will find, that nothing in my dream can hurt you
We will only love each other as forever
When i live my dream

When i live my dream, i'll forgive the things you've told me
And the empty man you left behind
It's a broken heart that dreams, it's a broken heart you left me
Only love can live in my dream

I'll wish, and the thunder clouds will vanish
Wish, and the storm will fade away
Wish again, and you will stand before me while the sky will paint an overture
And trees will play the rhythm of my dream

When i live my dream, please be there to meet me
Let me be the one to understand
When i live my dream, i'll forget the hurt you gave me
Then we can live in our new land

Till the day my dream cascades around me
I'm content to let you pass me by
Till that day, you'll run to many other men
But let them know it's just for now
Tell them that i've got a dream
And tell them you're the starring role
Tell them i'm a dreaming kind of guyavoice: here is the news
According to the latest world population survey
The figures have reached danger point, my god
London 15 million 75 thousand
New york 80 million
Paris 15 million and 30
China 1000 million
Braidlington-spa lots

My studies included suffragy
I formed my own society
To crush the bear of fecundity
The world will overpopulate
Unless you claim infertility
So who will buy a drink for me, your messiah

We are not your friends
We don't give a damn for what you're saying
We're here to live our lives

I propose to give the pill
Free of charge to those that feel
That they are not infertible
The kroks of you, the cattle gun
There's only one way to linger on
So who will buy a drink for me, your messiah

We are not your friends
We don't give a damn for what you're saying
We're here to live our lives

Voice:
Achtung, achtung, these are your orders
Anyone found guilty of consuming more than their allotted amount of air
Will be slaughtered and cremated
Only one cubic foot of air is allowed ...

I have prepared a document, legalising mass abortion
We will turn a blind eye to infanticide

We are not your friends
We don't give a damn for what you're saying
We're here to live our lives

You don't seem to hear me clear
Do i talk above your sphere?
Let me explain my project , dear
Show you how i'll save the world
Or let it die within the year
Why do you look that way at me, your messiah

We are not your friends
We don't give a damn for what you're saying
We're here to live our lives

We are hungry men
We don't give a damn for what you're saying
We're here to eat you
And i'm going to make my dream
Tell them i will live my dream
Tell them they can laugh at me
But don't forget your date with me
When i live my dream

There's a little churchyard just along the way
It used to be lambeth's finest array
Of tombstones, epitaphs, wreaths, flowers all that jazz
Till the war came along and someone dropped a bomb on the lot

And in this little yard, there's a little old man
With a little shovel in his little bitty hand
He seems to spend all his days puffing fags and digging graves
He hates the reverend vicar and he lives all alone in his home

Ah-choo ! excuse me

Please mr. gravedigger, don't feel ashamed
As you dig little holes for the dead and the maimed
Please mr. gravedigger, i couldn't care
If you found a golden locket full of some girl's hair
And you put it in your pocket

God, it's pouring down

Her mother doesn't know about your sentimental joy
She thinks it's down below with the rest of her toys
And ma wouldn't understand, so i won't tell
So keep your golden locket all safely hid away in your pocket

Yes, mr. gd, you see me every day , st ....ah choo !
Standing in the same spot by a certain grave
Mary-ann was only 10, full of life and oh so gay
And i was the wicked man who took her life away
Very selfish, oh god

No, mr. gd, you won't tell
And just to make sure that you keep it to yourself
I've started digging holes myself
And this one here's for you

Lifted our girl, she apparently doesn't know of it
Hello misses, thought she'd be a little girl
Bloody obscene, catch pneumonia or something in this rain