Corky And The Juice Pigs

I put a wheel in her right hand
I put a wheel in her left hand
I put a wheel between her legs

I used my grandma as a skateboard
And we went up and down
And we went 'round and 'round
We did the alley-hop, we did the acid-drop
Went down a hill and we took a spill
And now grandma is dead!

White and black, the friendly bears of china
White and black, they rarely reproduce
What shall be done about these chinese bears?
What shall be done about these friendly bears?

Die, they must die
The pandas must die
Die, they must die
The pandas must die
Yay!

Why should we save them?
What good do they do?
Have you ever seen a panda,
Do something good for you?
They can't wear t-shirts,
They can't bounce basketballs
They can't walk tightropes,
Over niagra falls

Die, they must die
The pandas must die
Die, they must die
The pandas must die

You fat bastard

All endangered species
Leave endangered feces
If you knew how bad they smelled
You would gladly take their pelt
If we kill them all
We can have more parking lots
We can have small couches
Made of little ocelots

Die, they must die
The pandas must die
Die, they must die
The pandas must die.

He wore a coat of many pockets in which were hidden numerous treats and treasures for us children when he came to visit. he would produce chocolates and sweets out of those endless hiding places
Laugh at us while we gobbled them down. he'd laugh and laugh. it wasn't until i found his diary years after his death that i found out...he was laughing because he'd floated all the candy in his
Et before coming over.

It was a terrible day. my legs felt like four pounds of cheese in a two-pound bag. i didn't know what to do. my eyes were bloodshot, and actually my legs were bloodshot as well. it was strange,
Was happy. i got into my car. i decided i was going to leave the city. gonna go south, gonna have a holiday.

So i got in my car and i wondered why it wasn't running and then i realized i didn't have any keys. so i went in the house, found my keys, came back out, started the car, and drove down the high


The highway shimmered like black incense on the bald head of a buddhist monk. i drove down the highway and i got to that big city of miami. the steaming, seedy city - the city that's so seedy, t
Ve trees there. well i went into the nearest hotel and i went up to the door and i said, "i'd like a room." then i realized i was outside and i had to go inside. so i went inside and i
Ed up to the desk and i said, "i'd like a room, please."

They said allright, and they gave me a key. then i turned around, and there waiting for me was the concierge.

Concierge! (repeated many times)

Well he looked at me, then i looked at him, then he looked back at me, and then i took a putty knife and i rubbed it against his cheeks in a very provocative way. and he turned around and said,
;follow me."

So i followed him up the stairs. i went to my room. he opened the door for me, and then he hit me in the back of the head with a big silver shovel. i said, "what's that about?"

He said, "you get it free with the room." who was i to argue?

And i went in. my whole room was covered with soap. little soaps, all over the room, everywhere! in the bed, on the ceiling, everywhere! i said, "what's with the soap?"

And he says, "what, you don't like soap?"

I said, "no, i'll take it, thanks."

He left the room, and then gave me a stare that almost turned my blood to blood. anyway, i lay down on the bed, and it was a hot day so i was tossing and turning, and tossing and turning. and th
E soap started to lather up and lather up! and i was gonna die! i was gonna suffocate! so i called the front desk, and they sent up the concierge!

Concierge! (repeated many times)

Well he looked at me up and down, and he looked at me like i was four pounds of shit in a two- pound bag. and i looked back at him like he was four pounds of shit in a four-pound bag. and then h
Ked at me like i was six pounds of shit in a pound-and-a-half-bag. and i looked at him like he was 18 kilograms of shit in a thimble. and then i stabbed him in the face. and then he bit my head
Nd put it in a bag. and that's when i fell in love with the concierge.

Concierge! (repeated many times)

Now we live in a small beach house on a small beach on long island - it's a long, small island, but i love it well. and he loves me well. and sometimes we take a trip down the highway that's gli
Ng like a buddhist monk with incense ablaze, and we think of the day we first met - me, and the concierge.

Concierge...

You're my little curry puff
I'm your vindaloo man
I want to take you where samosas run wild
And lay you in a bed of cashmere?.

I'm lying here in my pajamas
Dreaming of the bandicoot
Trying to reach nirvana
Is easy when i'm eating this food.

It was an east indian love affair
East indian love affair
East indian love affair
With you.

So give me tandori chicken
Send a coolie with a message for me
I'll be waiting for your answer of love, my dear
Underneath this tall tea tree.

I want to put a diamond in your nose
Give you silver slippers that turn up at the toes
I will be your little madras boy
If you will be my little sequoia.

It was an east indian love affair
East indian love affair
East indian love affair
With you.

I'm the only gay eskimo
I'm the only one i know
I'm the only gay eskimo
In my tribe

I go out seal hunting with my best friend tarka
But all want to do is get into his parka

I'm the only gay eskimo
In my tribe

Well me and muk-fluk-chuk-buk
We both like blubber
But me i've got this crazy fetish for rubber

I'm the only gay eskimo
In my tribe

I make a wish on the northern lights
That i can find a decent pair of whaleskin tights

I'm the only gay eskimo
In my tribe

And the seals they sing now...

These cold winter nights
Are taking their toll
I even get excited when i see the north pole
See the north pole...

I'm the only gay eskimo
Only gay eskimo
I'm the only one i know
The only one i know-oh-oh-oh
I'm the only gay eskimo
In my tribe.

Hello everyone. my name is gary coleman. and a lot of you remember me as that little black kid on different strokes. but there's another, darker side of me that a lot of you don't know about. an
T's the fact that i was born without a torso. that's right! and millions of children are born without torsos every year, and the number is growing.

Imagine the horror of being taunted in the schoolyard: "hey where d'ya keep your nipples? in your pockets?"

Imagine the horror of being carried home from rugby practise in a netbag.

Imagine the horror of being taunted at swimming lessons: 'hey starfish baby! starfish baby!'

Yes, the pain is real. the horror is real. but the hope is also real. please give generously to:
Torsos for tots.
A non-profit organization that helps these trunkless youngsters reach out and not have their arm fall through their t-shirt hole. please give generously to:

Torsos for tots
228 avenue of the americas
New york, new york

Because somewhere there's a kid with nothing in his shirt but a dream.


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Hello, my name's ernest borgnine. and a lot of you remember me as the incredible flying worm in steve's trip to the oasis. but there's another, darker side of me that a lot of you don't know abo
Nd that's the fact that i -
Did you say ernest borgnine?

Yes.

He's on the tape already.

Oh, alright.

Sorry- p.s.a. number two.

Hello, my name's kate capshaw. and a lot of you remember me as that little black kid on different strokes. but there's another, darker side of me that a lot of you don't know about. and that's t
Ct that- (laughing)- greg's making me laugh!

Do you know, is kate capshaw known in other countries?

(all laugh)

Alright, let's do another one- let's go.

I should leave the room.

P.s.a- no don't- p.s.a.

Hello, my name is earl the incredible squirrel. (laughing) i'm sorry--

(all laugh raucously) that's a keeper.



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Hello, my name's clint eastwood. and a lot of you remember me as that little black kid on different strokes. but there's another, darker side of me that a lot of you don't know about. and that's
Fact that i have two huge columns of cheese for legs. that's right- and millions of children are born with cheddar legs every year, and the number is growing.

Imagine (hopelessly cracking up) the horror of sliding into second base and making a lovely taco melt.

Imagine the horror of being taunted in the schoolyard: "hey, we oughta cube ya and make little things with flags stick into ya."

Imagine the horror of being held down in the schoolyard and grated.

Yes, the pain is real. the horror is real, but the hope is also real. please give generously to:
Slice me off a chunk, huh?
A non-profit organization that helps these kids reach out and give, and take, and love, and live without being melted onto a patty of meat. please, give generously to:

Slice me off a chunk, huh?
228 avenue of the americas
New york, new york

Because somewhere, there's a kid who's curdling, with a dream.

Okay, we'll take it from...uh...we'll start at the beginning...okay, ray is your hair alright? okay...uh...here we go...

One! two! uh...

It's three, four.

Okay here we go, here we go. right on.

One! two! a one two three four!

'k yeah, that's right, the drums are right, that sounds good, okay...

I don't like this short kind of song.

Uh, i'll do it in french this time.

Un! deux! un deux ??? ???!

Rok stedy!
Rok stedy!
While my mom gets dinner ready!
Rok stedy!
Rok stedy!
While my mom gets dinner ready!

Hey mom put my tiger-striped pants in the dryer.
'cause tonight i'm going to go downtown,
I'm going to set this rock n roll world on fire!

Rok stedy!
Rok stedy!
While my mom gets dinner ready!
Rok stedy!
Rok stedy!
While my mom gets dinner ready!

Hey dad, you great big fat capitalist pig,
Can i borrow the car?
I wanna go downtown tonight
And learn to play some mean, kick-ass rock and roll guitar!

Rok stedy!
Rok stedy!
While my mom gets dinner ready!
Rok stedy!
Rok stedy!
While my mom gets dinner ready!

Hey heinrick?

Yes garth?

How'd you like to come over to a party my dad's havin' while my mom's away in jail?

I'll be right over!

Right on! gonna bring your girlfriend?

Sure, if i can find her other leg.

Oh, i think my sister was usin' it for road hockey.

Oh, right on.

Hey boss, here's boss!

Hey what's happenin', you guys?

Nothin' much, how's it goin', bosso?

Right on! you know what? i was just won the who's got the greasiest baseball cap competition at the y!

Right on! whadya win for that?

A big slap in the face with an old hunk of cheese!

Is it limburger, cheddar, or like a mild salami?

No, it's ernest borgnine.

Really? neat? cheeses.

Yeah, he's the finest cheesemaker in the world, right heinrick?

He made all the cheese for the chinese!

Rok stedy!
Rok stedy!
While my mom gets dinner ready!
Rok stedy!
Rok stedy!
While my mom gets dinner ready!

Two gameshow announcers meet on the street

Hi bob, how are you?

Just fine bill. but i see you have put on a little weight, ever since you got your brand new gas b-b-que!

Along with a year's supply of kingsford charcoal - get the kingsford edge! but i've seen you cruising down the street- in your brand new car!

A chevy vega! deluxe convertible hatchback, with reclining bucket seats and an am/fm radio. but that is nothing- compared to where you're going!

Puerto vallarta, mexico!

Oh my god!!

I'll be spending seven days and six sensuous nights at the beautiful puerto vallarta hilton, overlooking the exotic gulf of mexico.

Lunch and dinner not included, bill.


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Two canadian gameshow announcers meet on the street
Hi bob, how are you?

Just fine bill. but i see you have put on a little weight, ever since you got your brand new mcdonald coupons!

Available at mcdonald's franchises across canada. but i've seen you cruising down the street- in your brand new coat!

Yes! it's a beautiful down-filled coat from sears, bill. good against all the ravages of the winter weather. but again, that is nothing- compared to where you're going!

Beautiful downtown hamilton! i'll be spending seven days and two sensuous nights at the beautiful hamilton motor inn, overlooking absolutely nothing.

Bring your own lunch and dinner, bill.


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Gameshow three not yet transcribed.

Hey captain greg! tell us about the time you fought the pirates of spain!

Aw gee, you kids don't want to hear that story again, do you?

Oh yes we do!

Oh no you don't.

Oh yes we do!

Oh no you don't!

Please, captain greg?

Well only if you promise to let me practice my body painting on you later.

Sure!

Well here's the story of the pirates of spain. there was a ship, and it was from spain. and all the people on it had black hats on, so i shot and stabbed them all!

Even the girls?

Especially the girls!

Yay!