Stereopathetic Soul Manure

I thought i heard a chainsaw
Rather late last night
I woke this mornin' and i knew i was right
I got the cut-in-half blues

Well the last thing i saw was the big long saw
I got the cut-in-half blues

I knew we were in trouble
I knew she lost her head
When she started bringin' all those power tools to bed
I got the cut-in-half blues

Well the last thing i saw was the big long saw
I got the cut-in-half blues

(little beck skat riff)

I'm layin' in my grave
All i do is grunt
Cause the undertaker got all mixed up
And put my ass in the front
I got the cut-in-half blues

Well the last thing i saw was the big long saw
I got the cut-in-half blues (achoo!)

Amanda
Lied o'er the man's light
Made sure the faith in the light had made her
The greatest woman
The greatest woman
To be the man's greatest wife

I thought it all over
Lord knows i've tried
It's awful great struggle
In any man's life
To look in the mirror
In total surprise
At the great hair on her shoulders
And the great big, big, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful eyes...

Aman.....

I got a room down in hollywood
Rent was cheap
It was this rooming house
There was an old man who lived in the room next to me
We shared a bathroom in the hall
Stare at me through a crack in the door
Day i moved in i was playin' my guitar
Started bangin' on the wall with a boot
Then he came out, started banging on my door
Kicked it open

Watch out son, i got a tasergun
Watch out son, i got a tasergun
He's on the loose
He's got the juice
Like a mad dog with no teeth

Spent his pension in adult bookstores
Bringin strange young men home
He'd leave me notes in the bathroom
Accusin' me of stealin' his toilet paper
Come out into the hallway
Dressed up in a greasy bathrobe
Tryin' to start a fight
He became known as the electric old man
And i still see him with his taser
Comin' at me

Watch out son, i got a tasergun
Watch out son, i got a tasergun
He's on the loose
He's got the juice
Like a pigeon with no wings

It's, uh, november 6th, 1945, and we...
...went up to, and uh, back to the house and watched mtv...
...and playin' pac-man.
It's all really gross and all the kids were diseased.
Giant airplanes, uh, crashing underneath...
...electro-magnetic fuse...guys with flamethrowers...melting.
Taco trucks were crashed.
There was sausage meat all over the...
Sasquatch was eating a burrito.

Rowboat
Row me to the shore
She don't
Wanna be my friend no more
She dug a hole
In the bottom of my soul
She don't
Wanna be my friend no more

Pick me up
Give me some food to eat
In your truck
Goin' no place
I'll be home
Talkin' to nobody
You'll be strange
You'll be far away

Big fat moon
And my body's out of tune
With the burnin' waves
She's a billion years away
Dogfood on the floor
And i've been like this before
She is all
And everything else is small

Pick me up
Give me some alcohol
In your truck
Playin' the radio
I'll be home
With the gasoline
You'll be stoned
You'll be far away

Rowboat
Row me to the shore
She don't
Wanna be my friend no more
She dug a hole
In the bottom of my soul
She is all
And everything else is small

Big pain
Burnin' down
Givin' me a cow
What you seem to be saying
Is you're patiently waiting
Like an ashtray for the butt

Well i'm puttin' it down
But you're not pickin' it up
Well i'm puttin' it down
But you treat me like a clown
And i don't wanna be funny

Fat chance
Glued to the wall
Like a centerfold
Of an old cannonball
Will you put me inside
Your tv tonight
'cause you're treatin' me like a rerun

Well i'm puttin' it down
But you're not pickin' it up
Well i'm puttin' it down
But you treat me like a clown
And i don't wanna be funny

No no no no

So what
I lost my job at the hut
My ass got cut
But i'll be better at kissin'
When my teeth are all missin'
And the silverware's burnt
And i'm eatin' with my fingers

And i'm puttin' it down
And you're not pickin' it up
Well i'm puttin it down
But you treat me like a clown
And i don't want to be funny

Yeah yeah yeah yeah, etc.

Today has been a fucked-up day
Today has been a fucked-up day
Today has been a fucked-up day
Looks like tomorrow'll be the same old day

Today has been a fucked-up day
Today has been a fucked-up day
Today has been a fucked-up day
Looks like tomorrow'll be the same old day

There's people runnin' up and down the line
With grocery bags on they heads
And dollar bills pasted onto their faces
Squeegee in their hand

Woo, woo, woo...
Woo!
Woohoo!
Woohoohoo!

[the following intro is spoken over someone speaking in french
And english, perhaps giving a french lesson]:
I'm an alien from another sphere. the thing i like about the
Earth is the range of colours -- fantastic to mundane; brilliant
To dull. as i was penetrating the ozone, i c.. perchanced to
Notice the orange peel-like quality of the light playing upon the
S.. the ocean. i gotta go right now; someone is videotaping me
In my spaceship.

All around a water tank
Just a-waitin' for a train
A thousand miles away from home
Just a-waitin' in the rain
I walked up to a breakman
Just to give him a line of talk
He said, if you got money,
I'll see that you don't walk
I haven't got a nickel,
Not a penny for to show
Get off, get off, you railroad bum
And he slammed the boxcar door
They let me off in texas
A state i dearly love
The moon 'n' stars above me... and what else?

( song written by jimmie rodgers and performed by ken)

The tortures! the torment! pink noise! delicious!
The danger! the victims! demeanin'! religion!

She writhes! she rolls! olympic control!
The bricks! assaultin'! the rest homes are rotten!

Satan gave me a taco
And it made me really sick
The chicken was all raw
And the grease was mighty thick
The rice was all rancid
And the beans were so hard
I was getting kinda dizzy
Eatin' all the lard
There was aphids on the lettuce
And i ate every one
And after i was done
The salsa melted off my tongue
Pieces of tortilla
Got stuck in my throat
And the stains on my clothes
Burned a hole through my coat
My stomach was a'tremblin'
And i broke out in a rash
I was so dry and thirsty
And i didn't have no cash
So i went and found a hose
Tore off all my clothes
Turned on the water
And it shot right up my nose
Some old lady came along
And she thought i was a freak
So she beat me with her handbag
'til i could hardly speak
I was lying there naked
My body badly bruised
In a pool of my own blood
Unconscious and confused
Well the cops came and got me
And threw me in their van
And i woke up on the ceiling
And i couldn't find my hand
They took me to the judge
His eyes a'glowin' red
The courtroom was filled
With witches and the dead
Well the sheriff was a hell-hound
With fangs and claws
The prisoners were tied up
And chained to the walls
The air was getting thick
The smoke was getting thicker
The judge read the verdict
Said "cut off his head!"
Well they placed me on the altar
And they raised up the axe
My head was about to explode
When i noticed the marshall stacks
I noticed all the smoke machines
Cameras and the lights
Some guy with a microphone
Runnin' around dancin' in tights
And i noticed the crew
And the band playin' down below
And i realized i was in a rock video
So i went and joined the band
And i went out on tour
And i smoked a lot of heroin
And i passed out in manure
I made out with the groupies (aw yeah)
Started fires backstage (aw yeah, start 'em up)
Made a lot of money (aw yeah, i'm makin it)
And i gave it all away (give it all to me)
Well the band got killed (aw, bunch of losers)
So i started a solo career (aw haw, yeah
And i won all the awards (get 'em all now)
And i drank all the beer (drink it all up; get funky)
And i opened up the taco stand (aw haw, etc.)
Just to smell the smell
Cookin' with the devil
Fryin' down in hell

(git busy)

There's a dead hobo on the patio
And an old barbed wire on the funeral fire
Well, you roll out the carpet and it better be red
And it better be long as the troubles in my head
Gonna be livin' one foot in the grave

Well, i was sittin' at home, cookin' up a steak
Satan came down, dressed like a snake
Well, he called my name as i turned up the flames
And then i realized i was out of mayonnaise
Well, you be livin' one foot in the grave

Yeah, don't go throwin' no coupons on my grave
Don't go carvin' no happy face on my tombstone

Woo!
Woo!