unknown

(one, two, thray, four)
(one, two [nasal hocking sound])

I used to be a pinball freak
That's where you'd find me every week
But now it's pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

I love to gobble up those dots
Keep pumpin' quarters in the slots
They call it pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

At the game arcade, they say i'm hard core
I can play all day 'til my hands are sore
And i quit my job just to play some more
But i won't give up 'til i break high score

Pacman [music from pacman "intermission"]

Well it's the pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

Well it takes a lot of cash to play
(pacman, get the cherry)
So i'm gonna sell my house today
(pacman, eat 'em up)

I'm playin' pacman
Yeah it's the pac-ma-an

Hey mom, i won't be home this year
(pacman)
Please forward all my mail right here
(pacman)
I'm at the pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

And you're playing with no one but me
Pacman

[music from pacman "intermission"]
[sound from when pacman dies]

Get your program running
Head out to the center
Terminals are waiting
For the data that you'll enter

Everybody says that you're a nerd, but
They should know that you just don't care
Got your hewlett-packard on your belt and
Vaseline in your hair

Like a true mommy's child
You were born, born to be mild
When your batteries die
You're always gonna cry
Born to be mild

Pencils in your pocket
Patent leather briefcase
Studying your fortran
You got pimples on your face

Gotta do your homework
Forget about the prom dance
They think that you're a big jerk
'cause you wear a pair of flood pants

Every day you wake up
Your oscilloscope is humming
Parties tend to break up
When they find out that you're coming

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Dit dit da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna da
Terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut
Teeta guddygayna

Da din din da
Da din din da
Na tin tin na
Da din din da

Boom shakalakalaka
Boom shakalakalaka
Nyaaaaaaaaaa-ahh boom

Homina
Homina
Homina homina homina

Ba ba oom mow mow
Ba ba oom mow ma mow
Ba ba oom mow mow
Ba ba oom mow ma mow

Mmmmmmmmmm doggie (turn neck to left, make cracking sound)

Heh he heh
La la la, nice lady

Cutta cutta cutta cutta
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay daw
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay daw
Cuttyta nogayna noggy teeta cuddadit
Naw nay

Da da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta
Da da cuddagudda dit
Naw cuh-ta da

Wearin' old t-shirts and grubby jeans
People say i look kinda odd
Well, i'm never accepted in the social set
'cause they say that i'm a clod

But once in a while, i go to my closet
And i put on something mod
And when i step out in my leisure suit
People stand up and applaud

Leisure suit serenade
Slip one on and you got it made
You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade
That's the leisure suit serenade

Now, it don't matter if the collar's bent
If it's got nylon twenty percent
Now i'm as cool as the asb president
Leisure suit serenade

Leisure suit serenade
Slip one on and you got it made
You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade
That's the leisure suit serenade, oh yeah
That's the leisure suit serenade

Oh, i've really got those ozone layer blues
From my elbow down to my shoes
So let's throw another fire on the logs

Now we can go downtown and fill the latrine
With genuine columbian lima beans
Dynastic and elastic, it's all made out of plastic
There's nobody here but us frogs

I'd like to find a girl who really cares
About the size of my nasal hairs
She could feed bananas to the dogs

We could climb the church and look down from the steeple
Where all the ants look like people
Nutritious and delicious, it's even surreptitious
There's nobody here but us frogs

They say i'm crazy
But i couldn't care less
Why don't they leave me alone
Can't they see that i'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess

I get a thrill
Bein' mentally ill, yes i do
They seem to think it's a crime
But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes

That's why i'm happy here inside these padded walls
Makin' obscene telephone calls
And throwin' tv dinners to the hogs

I never trust a naked eskimo
And don't you eat that purple snow
Revolting and disgusting
My belly button's rusting
There's nobody here but us frogs

They say i'm crazy
But i couldn't care less
Why don't they leave me alone
Can't they see that i'm happy to be a psychiatrical mess

I get a thrill
Bein' mentally ill, yes i do
They seem to think it's a crime
But it's a pleasure sublime, oh yes

That's why i'm happy here inside these padded walls
Makin' obscene telephone calls
And throwin' tv dinners to the hogs
I like to eat my ice cubes boiling hot
And wilshire boulevard's a commie plot

Amazingly congruent, and commonly affluent
Innately effervescent, surprisingly incessant
Superblier commended, eccentric and demented
There's nobody here but us
Nobody here but us
Nobody here but us frogs, i mean it
Nobody here but us frogs

I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them
Sam, i am

I do not like them here or there
I do not like them anywhere
I do not like them in a boat
I would not, could not, with a goat

I will not eat them in the rain
I do not like them on a train
I do not like them in a box
I will not eat them with a fox

I do not like them in a house
I would not, could not, with a mouse
I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them
Sam, i am

Green eggs and ham
Green eggs and ham
Don't like green eggs and ham

You gotta keep 'em separated

You like the latest fashions
You'd like to keep 'em clean
You take a trip every week to the laundromat
Throw a load in the washing machine

But if you don't wanna ruin your clothes
You gotta sort 'em out first as everyone knows
Remember bright colors and the others don't mix
Before you wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up
Hey

Are your undies turning pink
Take 'em out (you gotta keep'em separated)
Hey, are your cottons gonna shrink
Sort 'em out (you gotta keep'em separated)

Hey, then when it's time
You can stick' em in the dryer
You can hang 'em on a line
Hey, it's laundry day

In the year of 1970
Underneath the old smogberry tree
First was heard a man that we all know
The one and only dr. demento

Nixon, ford, and carter, reagan too
Remember all they did and didn't do
Through it all, one consistency
Spending once a week with dr. d

So wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Changes come, seasons pass
Like alice through the looking glass
He shares a world of madness that we cheer
For fifteen roly poly years.

So wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Don't forget to stay demented

Everybody sing
He has a very friendly, fuzzy face
And nobody could ever take his place
His fans around the globe will never dwindle
'cause he fits so many records on his spindle

Stacks of laughing wax from floor to ceiling
Well, it gives him such a warm internal feeling
Whether you're italian or egyptian
He's bound to fill your musical prescription

Wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

In the year of 1970
Underneath the old smogberry trees
First was heard a man that we all know
The one and only dr. demento

Yeah

Hi, this is "weird al" yankovic. remember, if you have one or two of those traditional blueberry daiquiris this holiday season, please, let somebody else drive

Hello, this is "weird al" yankovic, urging you to remember the true meaning of the christmas season, and also to buy as many copies of my new album as you possibly can! ah-hahahaha! ah-ha! heh

This is "weird al" yankovic! go ahead, go ahead! have a merry christmas, see if i care

Gee, i'm a nerd
Seen each star trek eighty times
Memorized each word

Home alone
On friday nights
But i got eight gigabytes
Left on my hard drive

I'm hooked as i can get
Into the internet
Maybe you would like to see my web page

I love my new pc
It means the world to me
So many things to download

Gee, i'm a nerd
All the jocks and muscle heads
Flip me the bird
Cause i'm a nerd

Gee, i'm a nerd

Late at night, you're hungry
You're craving some pizza
Let me be the one that you call

Olive or anchovy
Perhaps pepperoni
Anything you want, we've got it all

Near, far, i'll jump in my car
You just call in your order and i'm gone
You know, we hand toss our dough
Just tell me what you want and the toppings will go on and on

Deep dish, whatever you wish
Even get two for one with a coupon
You must try our special crust
But just don't eat too fast or your heartburn will go on and on

Hi
This is "weird al" yankovic and you're listening to the dr. demento show

Hello, this is "weird al" yankovic.
You know, some of my favorite memories are those of christmastime. i still remember when i was a little boy, just waiting for the big day. mom would be cooking up a mess of boysenberry and tunafish burritos for our big christmas dinner, and dad would be decorating the tree with little bits of spam. and then, the big day would finally arrive. i'd stay up all night and wait for santa, a-and when he finally showed up, we'd all hold his hands down in the waffle maker until he promised to give us everything we wanted! ah, yeah, those were the days. well, merry christmas everybody, and, let's do lunch.

we are, on fire, we have, desires, but one, is that way, one backstreet boy is
Gay.
And we dont want to be mean, since now he's a queen, dont ask please, "which
Backstreet boy is gay?"

Tell me who? aint sayin that its aj
Tell me who? aint sayin that its howie
Tell me who? i never wanna hear you say: "which backstreet boy is gay?"

Now i can see him, he's in womens clothes, but he dont need an iud, yeah,
He likes village people, he's playin croquet, his dog is a pekinese.
He is on fire, his back, prespires,
Wont say, wont say, wont say, whos gay!
He's always sayin: aint nuthin but a butt-ache, aint nuthin but a friutcake,
He's pickin up a souffl which backstreetboy is gay?

Ok, we're all gay.

When we were young, bernie's deli was down the block
(ooh ooh ooh ooh)
He made a great liver pate
(you know he did, you know he did, you know he did)
But if there's one thing in this world that i like better
Than a corned beef on rye

It's chicken pot pie
Chicken pot pie

(chorus of chicken-cluck imitations)

Someday i'm gonna pack up
And then i'm goin' back up
To that place where sentimental feelings arouse

Where the grass is so green
And the air is so clean
That when the wind is right you can even smell the cows

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

If you're new in town
Then you'll wanna look around
But you don't know where to begin
Well, there's bubble gum alley
And the local car rally
Not to mention the toilets at madonna inn

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

It's not much of a hassle
To drive up to hearst's castle
And it's not too far from pismo beach or morro rock

You can visit downtown at your leisure
Because for your shopping pleasure
The stores never close down until five o'clock

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

(telephone dialing)

Just eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Oh, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Hi
This is al
But you can call me "weird", as is "weird al"
"weird al" yankovic

I'm not home right now
So feel free to come over and go through my refrigerator
Well, i guess you gotta find my house first

Anyway, like i was saying, i'm not home right now
So stay on the line until i return

Ok, well, that might be a while, so i tell you what
I'll patch you through to my favorite radio station, how's that
It'll keep you totally entertained
It's kidstar 1250, radio just for kids, and it goes something like this

(beep)

Take the l out of liver
And it's iver

When i was a little boy
(when i was just a boy)
And my mother would call my name
(when i was just a boy)
She'd say i had to be in the house by seven
(when i was just a boy)

But i'd stay out late at night
(when i was just a boy)
And when i'd finally get back in
Oh, i know she'd hit me, she'd hit me
She'd sit me on her knees and whip me

Oh, she'd hit me with a rock
She'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
She'd hit me (hit me with a rock)
She'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)

And when i was grown to be a man
(grown to be a man)
The minute the boss would call my name
(grown to be a man)
And say i had to be in the office by seven
(grown to be a man)

I'm a constipated man
(grown to be a man)
And when i'd finally get back in
Oh, my boss'd hit me, he'd hit me
He'd tie me to a chair and whip me

Oh he'd hit me with a rock
He'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
He'd hit me (hit me with a rock)
He'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)

When i was grown to be president
(was the president)
The minute the congress'd call my name
(was the president)
And said some papers had to be signed by thursday
(had to be signed by thursday)

I'd fly away to pakistan
(was the president)
And the second that i'd get back home
Oh, i know they'd hit me, they'd hit me
With leather and chains they'd whip me

Oh, they'd hit me with a rock
They'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
They'd hit me. (hit me with a rock)
They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)
Hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)
They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)
Yah yah yah yah yah yah
(hit me with a rock)
(hit with a rock)
Ow, whaddaya doin' to me, get away from me
(hit with a rock, oh baby)
(hit with a rock)
(he's gettin' hit with a rock)
(he's gettin' hit with a rock, oh baby)
(hit with a rock)

Wait a minute, hold it
I think he's dead
Let's leave
Let's get out of here, man

You don't take your showers
You don't use ban roll on
Please don't come near me anymore
I'll throw up on the floor because you make me ill

I remember when

You used to smell half-decent
That hasn't been too recent
Now your repulsing all the people you know
You perspire freely, your dandruff's like snow
And you're drawing flies everywhere that you go

'cuz you don't take your showers anymore

I had to buy some airwick
You even made my dog sick
You can't come over anymore 'cuz your hygiene is poor
And besides, you're a slob

You create a nuisance
When you're out in public
When you walk up to people in your smelly old clothes
And they just run from you, holding their nose
And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'cuz you don't take your showers anymore

And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'cuz you don't change your undies
And you don't use ban roll on
And you don't take your showers anymore

It was just the other day
When we went to joe's cafe
Just to order up a couple steaks to eat

But we noticed something wrong
All the worcestershire was gone
But the waitress brought a different kind of treat

She said this sauce was the chef's new creation
Guaranteed, it's a new taste sensation
But she warned us it's made out of prunes
"try a little if you dare"
"nothing can compare"
So we had some and now we swear
We won't eat prunes again

That was such a dirty trick
Boy, it really made us sick
Well it looks like we've been done in by the prune

Still the memory lingers on
I been livin' in the john
'cause i've had the runs since monday afternoon

I'd sell my soul for some new constipation
Need a cure for this new aggravation
Diarrhea has taken its toll
Still got the runs today
Just like yesterday
Buddy, that's why i'm hear to say
We won't eat prunes again

Won't eat prunes again
No no

Yeah

Eat the new sauce
Same as the old sauce

Well, i stare at myself in the mirror
When i wake up every morn
And i marvel at how great i've been
Since the day that i was born

I've made so many albums
I've run out of things to name 'em
My fans all want to be like me
And really, who can blame 'em

Teenage groupies all surround me
I guess i know why
No one else can match my charm
Why do they even try

All the girls in college
Turned me down for other fellas
But i know why, it seems to me
They're just insanely jealous
Who wouldn't be

Some people call it self-indulgence
But they just don't understand
That it's hard to be too humble
When you know that you're so grand

And i'm not trying to say i'm perfect
I just want you to see
That i've never met a person
Who's as wonderful as me

Now, i'm not arrogant or haughty
And i'm certainly not conceited
But anyone trying to match my wits
Is very soon defeated

I'm a marvellous human being
I'm just one big hunk of man
Sometimes i have to marvel
At how very great i am

Some people call it self-indulgence
But they just don't understand
That it's hard to be too humble
When you know that you're so grand

And i'm not trying to say i'm perfect
I just want you to see
That i've never met a person
Who's as marvellous, spectacular
Fantastic and terrific
And so very great and wonderful as me