P.s. (a Toad Retrospective)

We spotted the ocean at the head of the trail
Where are we going, so far away
And somebody told me that this is the place
Where everything's better, everything's safe
Walk on the ocean
Step on the stones
Flesh becomes water
Wood becomes bone
And half and hour later we packed up our things
We said we'd send letters and all those little things
And they knew we were lying but they smiled just the same
It seemed they'd already forgotten we'd came

Now we're back at the homestead
Where the air makes you choke
And people don't know you
And trust is a joke
We don't even have pictures
Just memories to hold
That grow sweeter each season
As we slowly grow old

One more time he says good-night
Turns out the door and off the light
Cursing low as if she didn't know
One more time he'd comfort her
As if a word could break through her
She's so quiet and he's sick of it

Too long, too late this time
Too far, too great in my mind

One more time a run-around
Nothing meant by anyone
Fine with them, such a quite din
Says he wants to leave a while
She just sits and tries to smile
"that's ok, it was boring anyway"

Too long, too late this time
Too far, too great in my mind

Says she needs a worshiper
Someone who'll do anything at all for her
Wishful thinker
He don't need this schizo bull
Each one misses by so far
They don't see it come, but who ever does...

Music by todd nichols, glen phillips and toad. lyrics by glen phillips and todd nichols.

Open up and let me in
I was lucky to live, don't need to win
Forgave myself and if that's a sin
It's not enough you'd even know it
You did right to call my bluff
'cause i won't say when i've had enough
And i worked so hard to need this stuff
And you tried so long to just ignore it

Won't you come down where i am
Words are hidden, understand

I won't repeat myself again
I will not repeat myself again
It's another promise d.o.a.
And despite my every hope there is no truth
Behind my best intentioned oath

Won't you come down where i am
Words are hidden, understand
Won't you come down
Been away to long, i know i have

Won't you come down, help me stand
There is healing in your hands
Won't you come down where i am
Words all leave me
Been away too long
I know i've been away too long
I know i have

She said "i'm fine, i'm okay" cover up your trembling hands
There's indecision when you know you ain't got nothing left
When the good times never stay
And the cheap thrills always seem to fade away
When will we fall
When will we fall down

Chorus:
Jump back, got to get out of here
Been too long this time
Jump back, got to get out of here
When will, when will we fall down

She hates her life, she hates her skin, she even hates all her friends
Tries to hold on to all the reputations she can't mend
And there's some chance we could fail
But the last time someone was always there for bail
When will we fall
When will we fall down

Chorus
She said "i'm fine, i'm okay" cover up your trembling hands
There's indecision when you know you ain't got nothing left
For the last time conscience calls
For a good friend i was never there at all
When will we fall
When will we fall down

Chorus

Nothing's so loud
As hearing when we lie
The truth is not kind
And you've said neither am i
But the air outside so soft is saying everything
Everything

All i want is to feel this way
To be this close, to feel the same
All i want is to feel this way
The evening speaks, i feel it say...

Nothing's so cold
As closing the heart when all we need
Is to free the soul
But we wouldn't be that brave i know
And the air outside so soft, confessing everything
Everything

And it won't matter now
Whatever happens to me
Though the air speaks of all we'll never be
It won't trouble me

And it feels so close
Let it take me in
Let it hold me so
I can feel it say...

Music and lyrics by glen philips

There's almost nothing left
You eat my kind for breakfast
What did i expect?
To come here and find anyone?
Find open arms to greet me
And friends to feed me
I sicken myself so much
And you eat my kind for breakfast
You eat my kind

Whatever i fear the most is whatever i see before me
Whenever i let my guard down, whatever i was ignoring
Whatever i fear the most is whatever i see before me
Whatever i have been given, whatever i have been

Seeing myself this way
I am a monster i believe
And seeing is believing
Is there no doubt left
When i poison myself
And poison leaves no appetite
I sicken myself so much
I sicken myself so

Whatever i fear the most is whatever i see before me
Whenever i let my guard down, whatever i was ignoring
Whatever i fear the most is whatever i see before me
Whatever i have been given, whatever i have been

Did we expect these things to change
By waking up and suddenly there they are
And all i need's a starting place
And nothing ever seemed so hard...

Whatever i fear the most is whatever i see before me
Whenever i let my guard down, whatever i was ignoring
Whatever i fear the most is whatever i see before me
Whatever i have been given, whatever i have been

Music by: glen phillips and toad
Lyrics by: glen phillips

It's hard to rely on my good intentions
When my head's full of things that i can't mention
Seems i usually get things right
But i can't understand what i did last night

It's hard to rely on my own good senses
When i miss so much that requires attention
Have to laugh at myself sometimes
And i can see that i'm not blind

There's little relief
Give us reprieve
For all the things i've left behind
I'm positive that i'm not blind

I'm not afraid things won't get better
But it feels like this has gone on forever
You have to cry with your own blue tears
Have to laugh with your own good cheer

It's hard to rely on my good intentions
When my head's full of things that i can't mention
Seems i usually get things right
But i can't understand what i did last night

There's little relief
Give us reprieve
Imagining the world outside
I'm positive that i'm not blind

I can't be hard on you
'cause you know i've been there too
Learned a lot of things from you

But life gives little relief
Give us reprieve
And when everyone is cold as ice
I clinch my fists and close my eyes
Imagining the world outside
But i can see that i'm not blind

another day i call and never speak
And you would say nothing's changed at all
And i can't feel much hope for anything
If i won't be there to catch you when you fall

Chorus:
Again
It seems we meet
In the spaces
In between
We always say
It won't be long
But something's always wrong

Another game of putting things aside
As if we'll come back to them sometime
A brace of hope
A pride of innocence
And you would say something has gone wrong

Chorus
Chorus