Argybargy

(difford/tilbrook)

They do it down on camber sands
They do it at waikiki
Lazing about the beach all day,
At night the crickets creepy
Squinting faces at the sky
A harold robbins paperback
Surfers drop their boards and dry
And everybody wants a hat
But behind the chalet
My holiday's complete
And i feel like william tell
Maid marian on her tiptoed feet
Pulling mussels from a shell

Shrinking in the sea so cold
Topless ladies look away
A he-man in a sudden shower
Shelters from the rain
You wish you had a motor boat
To pose around the harbour bar
And when the sun goes off to bed
You hook it up behind the car

Two fat ladies window shop
Something for the mantelpiece
In for bingo all the nines
A panda for sweet little niece
The coach drivers stand about
Looking at a local map
About the boy he's gone away
Down to next door's caravan

(difford/tilbrook)

Tonight i take her from her parents
I came along to her rescue
Without a word about arrangements
She came along without a clue
So i said my love i want to take you
A place i have inside my head
And so it seemed i had to love you
With some cards and separate beds

Her mother didn't like me
She thought i was on drugs
My mother didn't like her
She'd never peel the spuds
So we took off together
And stayed at mrs. smith's
Breakfast at half seven
Where you can view the cliffs

The moon was full and in our window
I could see her turning in her bed
I was loved but all in limbo
There was time to pass but not to spend
Soon i saw that this was silly
Spending all my wages on this peach
When we could sit so very pretty
And get our heads down out on the beach

Her father seemed to like me
I helped him fix his car
My father seemed to like her
And i couldn't see the harm
In going off together
To see the pier and lights
So we could be together
In separate beds tonight

(difford/tilbrook)

Hitched a hiker
Up above the border
She'd spent some time
In morocco and gibraltar
And stole my wallet
With a picture of my misses
With fond remembrance
Of everything with kisses
From the isle of dogs
To the egyptian sands
Where the arabs chew on dates
And i haven't forgot what it's like to be
With misadventure and her mates

I miss the east end
High up on the khyber
And i'm the target
For a dozen rebel snipers
It's not so bad though
With some beers in the freezer
And something fancy
In the airconditioned sleeper

In moving carpets
Through the customs at dover
Thinking my journey
Was going to be over
Then they discovered
A shipment of moroccan
And said excuse me sir
There's something you've forgotten

(difford/tilbrook)

With her hair up in his fingers
The fish and chips smell lingers
Under amber streetlamps
She holds the law in her hands
The moistness of the damp night
Falls silent through the lamplight
Although she's only fourteen
She really knows her courting
And up the railway sidings
There's him and her
They're lying
Hand in hand they whisper
You're my missus and i'm your mister
The moon as white and virgin
And she was on the turning
Remember your first nibble
When best friends were so little

They really trooped the colours
When walking with each other
And all her mates would giggle
As ladylike she'd wiggle
All along the high street
They'd splash out on an ice cream
He'd sometimes really treat her
But he'd done his mother's meter

Well he went off to borstal
He said that he was forced to
Rob the flats of hi fi's
Cuz she was ill
And she would cry
Each morning she got sicker
Her mother sometimes hit her
If she'd have known the story
She would have been so sorry

He received a letter and admitted it
There was nothing else to do but get rid of it
Lonely in his dormitory
He'd sit and stare
If this is for real
And is it really fair

Summer came so they went
Down to the coast in his tent
She cooked upon his primus
And sampled local cider
She told him in his rucksack
I think i want that chance back
To be perhaps the one who
Will forever love you

(difford/tilbrook)

The case was pulled from under the bed
She made a call to a sympathetic friend
And made arrangements
The door was closed there was a note
I couldn't be bothered
Maybe i'll choke
No more engagements

With where have you been's
And faraway frowns
Trying to be good
By not being 'round
And here in the bar
The piano man's found
Another nail for my heart

That stupid old bug
That kills only love
I want to be good
Is that not enough

So play me the song
That makes it so tough
Another nail for my heart
Then play me that song
That makes it so tough
Another nail for my heart

I had excuses those little boy lies
That she computed by watching my eyes
And told me firmly

She couldn't stand it i'm bad on her heart
She dropped her makeup and i found the bar
Now it concerns me

I've had a bad time
Now love is resigned
I've been such a fool
I've loved and goodbyed

So here in the bar
The piano man's found
Another nail for my heart
And here in the bar
The piano man's found
Another nail for my heart

(difford/holland)

Across the ocean she's been waiting to hear
If love's a secret to all the things she fears
Was it tiptoe around my pillow talk
They'll come the only boy she had with any thought

The heart pretends i'm not so far away
She said tomorrow and i'm here today

I miss her now and i say it's only true
I feel like i'm on the wrong side of the moon

I'm forgettin' to remember to forget
All the memories locked in my head

I'll be home then you'll hear what i say
It seems forever started only yesterday

My heart keeps time which passes very slow
When you're lonely without a place to go

I've got the lonesome ocean blues
I feel like i'm on the wrong side of the moon

Across the ocean there's a heart that beats for me
Beat, beating, waiting patiently

Pulls us together when we're apart
Keeps the devil from playing with your heart

But i'll pretend we're not so far away
I'm home tomorrow or maybe it's today

Across the ocean there's nothing else to do
It feels like you're on the wrong side of the moon