Chicago

ROXIE(Spoken)
...Gone, it's all gone.

(Singing)
It's good, isn't it?
Grand, isn't it?
Great, isn't it?
Swell, isn't it?
Fun, isn't it?
Nowadays

There's men, everywhere
Jazz, everywhere
Booze, everywhere
Life. everywhere
Joy, everywhere
Nowadyas

You can like the life you're livin'
You can live the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around wiht Ike
And that's
Good, isn't it?
Grand, isn't it?
Great, isn't it?
Swell, isn't it?
Fun, isn't it...

ANNOUNCER(Spoken)
Ladies and gentlemen, the Vickers Theatre,
Chicago's finest finest home of famile entertainment,
is proud to announce a first. The first time, anywhere,
there has been an act of this nature. Not only one
little lady but two! You've read about them in the papers
and now here they are- a double header! Chicago's own
killer dillers- those two scintillating sinners-
Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly.

ROXIE AND VELMA
You can like the life you're livin'
You can live the life you like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around with Ike
And that's
Good, isn't it?
Grand, isn't it?
Great, isn't it?
Swell, isn't it?
Fun, isn't it?
But nothing stays

In fifty years or so
It's gonna change, you know
But, oh, it's heaven
Nowadays

ANNOUNCER
Okay, you babes of jazz. Let's pick up the pace.
Let's shake the blues away. Let's make the parties longer.
Let's make the skirts shorter and shorter. Let's make
the music hotter. Let's go to hell in a fast car and
KEEP IT HOT!

[Intro: Queen Latifah]
Dana Owens aka Queen Latifah, yes I'm here to testify
No, I gotta speak on my behalf, you don't even know
what happened
Can I just tell you what happened?

[Chorus: Macy] (Latifah)
He had it comin' (He had it comin')
He only had himself to blame
If you'd a been there, if you'd a seen it
I think that you would have done the same

[Verse 1: Queen Latifah] (Macy)
I mean imagine, why was he hittin' his woman?
Why was she takin' that?
Now picture her fightin' back, picture the ass kickin'
Think of his ass flippin' down the stairs
And me at the top smilin', he shoulda stopped wildin'
Now could you picture me tryin' to finish him off?
See why I pictured me on this side of the law
High heels leave holes, you'd a thought I was gunnin'
Now the cops comin', I ain't runnin'
(He had it comin')
Girl you shoulda seen it, shoulda bobbed and weaved
Before the cops came, got a coupla clean hits
In word the ??? couldn't take the abuse
But I couldn't explain that to the state troops
But you know girl, yeah you go girl
Plus I look real cute in orange jump suits
This the story I'm tellin' and I ain't changin' nothin'
I just needed you to know Your Honour

[Chorus] - 2X

[Verse 2: Lil' Kim] (Macy)
Aiight aiight, let's get this over with
Take the mug shot, hurry up the fingerprints
What the blood clot?
Lil' Kim aka Sofia Luchiani
Keep your jump suit, I'm rockin' Armani
Yeah, I bust at him once, but that was just a warnin'
My lawyer will be here with bail money in the mornin'
I'm not guilty, just tryin' to protect mine
It ain't my fault he ran into my knife 20 times (He had it comin')
Just my luck the bastard ain't die
What you woulda did if every other day he blacked ya eye?
Broke ya nose 'til it started bleedin'
Kicked you in ya ribs, chocked you 'til you stopped breathing
(Fuck) that, I'm sick of bobbing and weaving
Threatenin' to kill me when I threaten to leave him
I do a bid, 'cause ain't no way
(Nigga) gonna do me like Ike and OJ

[Chorus] - 2X

[Verse 3: Queen Latifah]
This is for the constantly accused, mentally abused
How many of you been in my shoes before, aiight
Or have you felt you caught the worse case
Puttin' up wit his tired ass in the first place
Why am I flippin'? I just bought them condoms
I ain't used not one but there was two missin'
Get a new mission, how to catch a cheater
If he only use coach, you shouldn't smell ???
If you know he don't smoke, you shouldn't smell reefer
If you catch him cheatin' you shouldn't yell either
Run up on him quietly, took him out silently
It might sound cruel, but you gotta love the irony
So explain that, just came back off a trip
And I come home to this, please
He ain't followed the guidelines
So forgive me Your Honour, he ran into my knife five times

[Chorus] - 3X

[LIZ]
Pop

[ANNIE]
Six

[JUNE]
Squish

[HUNYAK]
Uh uh

[VELMA]
Cicero

[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[LIZ]
Pop

[ANNIE]
Six

[JUNE]
Squish

[HUNYAK]
Uh uh

[VELMA]
Cicero

[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[LIZ]
Pop

[ANNIE]
Six

[JUNE]
Squish

[HUNYAK]
Uh uh

[VELMA]
Cicero

[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it

[VELMA]
I betcha you would have done the same!

[LIZ]
Pop

[ANNIE]
Six

[JUNE]
Squish

[HUNYAK]
Uh uh

[VELMA]
Cicero

[MONA]
Lipschitz!

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You know how people
have these little habits
That get you down. Like Bernie.
Bernie who liked to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP.
Well, I came home this one day
And I am really irritated, and
looking for a little bit sympathy
and there'e Bernie layin'
on the couch, drinkin' a beer
and chewin'. No, not chewin'.
Poppin'. So, I said to him,
"Bernie, you pop that
gum one more time..."
and he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall
and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.

[GIRLS]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!

[ALL]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would
Have dome the same!

[ANNIE (Spoken)]
I met Ezekiel Young from
Salt Lake city about two years ago
and he told me he was single
and we hit it off right away.
So, we started living together.
He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd
mix him a drink, We'd have dinner.
Well, it was like heaven in
two and a half rooms.
And then I found out,
"Single" he told me?
Single, my ass. Not only
was he married
...oh, no, he had six wives.
One of those Mormons, you know. So that
night, when he came home, I mixed him
his drink as usual.
You know, some guys just can't hold
their arsenic.

[GIRLS]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself
To blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would
Have done the same
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself
to blame
If you'd have been there
If yo'd have seen it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!

[LIZ,ANNIE,JUNE,MONA]
Hah! He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!

[VELMA AND HUNYAK]
Pop, six, squish, uh-uh
Cicero, Lipschitz

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen
carvin' up the chicken for dinner,
minding my own business,
and in storms my husband Wilbur,
in a jealous rage.
"You been screwin' the milkman,"
he says. He was crazy
and he kept screamin',
"you been screwin the milkman."
And then he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten times!

[GIRLS]
Pop,Six,
Squish,Uh-uh,
Cicero,Lipschitz
Pop, Six,
Squish,Uh-uh,
Cicero,Lipschitz
Pop,Six,
Squish,Uh-uh,
Cicero,Lipschitz

[ALL]
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!

[HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok,
hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam
a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Yeah, but di you do it?

[HUNYAK]
UH UH, not guilty!

[VELMA]
My sister, Veronica and
I did this double act
and my husband, Charlie,
used to travel round with us.
Now, for the last number in
our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row
four,five...splits, spread eagles,
back flips,flip flops,
one right after the other.
Well, this one night before the show we were in the hotel Cicero,
the three of us, sittin' up
in a hotel room, boozin' and
havin' a few laughs and
we ran out of ice.
So I went out to get some.
I come back, open the door
and there's Veronica and
Charlie doing Number Seventeen-
the spread eagle.

[GIRLS]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had
Himself to blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it tricks in a row,
one,two,three,
I betcha
You would
Have done
The same!
He had
It coming
He had it coming...

Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out.I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later,
when I was washing the blood off my hands
I even knew they were dead.

They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all along
I didn't do it
But if I'd done it
How could you tell me that I was wrong?

[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They had it coming
[VELMA]
They had it coming
[GIRLS]
They took a flower
[VELMA]
All along
[GIRLS]
In its prime
[VELMA]
I didn't do it
[GIRLS]
And then they used it
[VELMA]
But if I'd done it
[GIRLS]
And they abused it
[VELMA]
How could you tell me
[GIRLS]
It was a murder
[VELMA]
That I was wrong?
[GIRLS]
But not a crime!

[MONA]
I loved Alvin Lipschitz
more than I can possibly say.
He was a real artistic guy...
sensitive... a painter.
But he was troubled.
He was always trying
to find himself.
He'd go out every night
looking for himself
and on the way
he found Ruth,
Gladys,
Rosemary and Irving.
I guess you can say we broke
up because or artistic differences.
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.

[GIRLS]
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had
Himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha
You would
Have done
The same!

[ALL]
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
They had it comin'
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
They had it comin'
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
All along
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
All along
'Cause if they used us
'Cause if they used us And they abused us
And they abused us
[LIZ,ANNIE,MONA]
How could you tell us
[VELMA,JUNE,HUNYAK]
How could you tell us That we were wrong?
That we were wrong?

He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had
Himself
To blame.
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha
You would
Have done
The same!

[LIZ (Spoken)]
You pop that gum one more time!

[ANNIE (spoken)]
Single my ass.

[JUNE (Spoken)]
Ten times!

[HUNYAK (Spoken)]
Miert csukott Uncle Same bortonbe.

[VELMA (Spoken)]
Number seventeen-the spread eagle.

[MONA (Spoken)]
Artistic differences.

[ALL]
I betcha you would have done the same!

Instrumental

Instrumental

[ROXIE]
The name on everybody's lips
Is gonna be Roxie
The lady rakin' in the chips
Is gonna be Roxie

I'm gonna be a celebrity
That means somebody eveyone knows
They're gonna recognize my eyes
My hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose

From just some dumb mechanic's wife
I'm gonna be Roxie
Who says that murders not an art?

And who in case she doesn't hang
can say she started with a bang?
Foxy Roxie Hart!

[ROXIE (spoken)]
You wanna know something? I always wanted to be in
Vaudeville. And now that I'm a celebrity, I'm
gonna have me a swell act, too. Yeah, I'll get a boy
to work with- someone who can lift me up, show me off-
Oh hell, I'll get two boys. It'll frame me better.
Think "BIG", Roxie, think "BIG."
I'm gonna get a whole bunch of boys.

The name on everybody's lips
Is gonna be

[BOYS]
Roxie

[ROXIE]
The lady rakin' in the chips is gonna be

[BOYS]
Roxie. She's gonna be a celebrity

[ROXIE]
That means somebody everyone knows

[BOYS]
They're gonna recognize her eyes
Her hair. Her teeth...

[ROXIE]
...My boobs, my nose
From just some dumb mechanic's wife
I'm gonna be
Sing it!

[BOYS]
Roxie

[ROXIE]
Who says that murder's not an art?

[BOYS]
And who in case she doesn't hang

[ROXIE]
Can say she started
With a bang?

[ROXIE AND BOYS]
Foxy Roxie Hart

[BOYS]
They're gonna wait outside in line
To get to see Roxie

[ROXIE]
Think of those autographs I'll sign
"Good luck to you, Roxie"

And I'll appear in Lavaliere
That goes all the way down to my waist

[BOYS]
Here a ring, there a ring
Everywhere a ring a ling

[ROXIE]
But always in the best of taste
Oooh I'm a star.

[BOYS]
And the audience loves her.

[ROXIE (spoken)]
And I love the audience. And the audience loves me
for loving them. And I love them for lving me. And
we jus tlove each other. That's because none of us
got any love in our childhood.

[BOYS (spoken)]
That's right.

[ROXIE (spoken)]
And that's show biz, Kid.

[BOYS]
Oh yeah.

She's giving up here humdrum life

[ROXIE]
I'm gonna be

[BOYS]
Roxie.
She made a scandal and a start.

[ROXIE]
And Sophie Tucker will shit, I know
To see her name get billed below

[ALL]
Foxy Roxie Hart!

[BOYS]
Chuh, chuh, chuh, etc...

[ROXIE (Spoken)]
Those are my boys.

BAILIFF(Spoken)
Mr. Flynn, his honor is here

BILLY(Spoken)
Thank you. Just a moment.
You ready?

ROXIE(Spoken)
Oh Billy, I'm scared.

BILLY(Spoken)
Roxie, you got nothing to worry about.
It's all a circus, kid. A three ring circus.
These trials- the wholeworld- all show business.
But kid, you're working with a star, the biggest!

(Singing)
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle Dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give 'em the old hocus pocus
Bead and feather 'em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you're just disgusting?

Razzle dazzle 'em
And they;ll never catch wise!

Give 'em the old

BILLY AND COMPANY
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em a show that's so splendiferous

BILLY
Row after row will crow vociferous

BILLY AND COMPANY
Give 'em the old flim flam flummox
Fool and fracture 'em

BILLY
How can they hear the truth above the roar?

BILLY AND COMPANY
Throw 'em a fake and a finagle
They'll never know you're just a bagel,

BILLY
Razzle dazzle 'em
And they'll beg you for more!

BILLY AND COMPANY
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle Dazzle 'em
Back since the days of old Methuselah
Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler

Give 'em the old three ring circus
Stun and stagger 'em
When you're in trouble, go into your dance

Though you are stiffer than a girder
They let you get away with murder
Razzle dazzle 'em
And you've got a romance

Give 'em the old
Razzle Dazzle

BILLY
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act that's unassailable
They'll wait a year 'till you're available!

BILLY AND COMPANY
Give 'em the old
Double whammy

BILLY
Daze and dizzy'em
Show 'em the first rate sorcerer you are

BILLY AND COMPANY
Long as you keep 'em way off balance
How can they spot you got no talents?

BILLY
Razzle dazzle 'em

COMPANY
Razzle dazzle 'em

BILLY
Razzle dazzle 'em

BILLY AND COMPANY
And they'll make you a star!

[VELMA (to Roxie)]
My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop
My sister and I were headed straight fo the top
My sister and I earned a thou a week at least
Oh, sure!
But my sistr is now, unfortunately, deceased

Oh, I know it's sad, of course
But a fact is still a fact
And now all that remains
Is the remains
Of a perfect double act!

[spoken]
Roxie, do you know you are exactly the same
size as my sister? Oh, you would fit in her wardrobe
perfectly. Look, why don't I just show you some of
the act, huh? Watch this.

[VELMA dances]

Now you have to imagine
this with two people.
It's swell with two people.

First I'd...(drums!)
Then she'd...(saxophone!)
Then we'd...(together!)
But I can't do it alone!
Then she'd...
Then I'd...
Then we'...
But I can't do it alone!

She'd say,"What's your sister like?"
I'd say, "Men,"
Yuk, Yuk, yuk
She'd say, "you're the cat's meow"
Then we'd wow the crowd again
When she'd go...
I'd go...
We'd go...

And then those ding-dong daddies started to roar
Whistled, stomped and stamped on the floor
Yelling, sreaming, begging for more.

[spoken]
And we'd say, "O.K. fellas, keep your socks up.
you ain't seen nothin' yet!"

[VELMA dances]

But I simply cannot do it alone!

Well? What did ya' think? Come on, you can say.

[ROXIE gives her a raspberry]

O.K., O.K. The first part can always be rewritten.
But the second part was really nifty. Watch this.

Then she'd...(See, get it, right?)
Then I'd...(Then I'd kick really high...)
Then we'd...
But I can't do it alone!
She'd say, "What state's Chicago in?"
I'd say, "ILL!"
Did ya' get that?
She'd say, "Turn your motor off"
I can hear 'em cheerin' still
When she'd go...
I'd go...
We'd go...(Sideways!)
And then those two-bit Johnnies did it up brown
To cheer the best attraction in town
They nearly tore the balcony down

[spoken]
And we'd say. "O.K. fellas, O.K.,
we're goin' home, but here's a few more partin' shots!"
And this... this we did in perfect unison.

[VELMA dances]

Now, you've seen me goin' through it
It may seem there's nothin' to it
But I simply cannot do it
Alone!

[ROXIE turns her down]

Like the deserted bride on her wedding night
All alone and shaking with fright
With her brand new hubby nowhere in sight
I simply cannot do it alone...

Amos.
If someone stood up in a crowd
And raised his voice up way out loud
And waved his arm
And shook his leg
You'd notice him

If someone in a movie show
Yelled "fired in the second row,
This whole place is a powder keg!"
You'd notice him

And even without clucking like a hen
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,
Unless, of course, that personage should
be
Invisisble, inconsequential me!

Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And vener know I'm there!

I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
walk right by me
And never know I'm there. . .

Suppose you was a little cat
Residin' in a person's flat
Who fed you fish and scratched your
ears?
You'd notice him

Supoose you was a woman wed
And sleepin' in a double bed beside a man for seven years
You'd notice hime

A human being's made of more thatn air
With all that bulk , you're bound to see
him there

Unless that human bein' next to y ou
Is unimpressive, undistingueshed
You know who. . .

Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'im there
I tell ya
Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there
Never even know I'm there

[MARY SUNSHINE]
When I was a tiny tot
Of maybe two or three
I can still remember what
My mother said to me...

Place rose colored glasses on your nose
And you will see the robins
Not the crows

for in this tense and tangled web
Our weary lives may weave
you're so much better off
if you believe...

That there's a little bit of good
In everyone
In everyone you'll ever know

Yes, there's a little bit of good
In everyone
Though many times, it doesn't show

It only takes the taking time
With one another
For under every mean veneer
Is someone warm and dear
Keep looking...

for that bit of good in everyone
The ones we call bad
Are never all bad
So try to find that little bit of good!

Just a little, little bit of good

Is someone warm and dear
Keep looking...

For that little good in everyone
Although you meet rats
They're not complete rats
So try to find that little bit of good!