1. _ Jodie
Tonight i'll stay awake long enough to stop breathing
And i wonder how long it will take before i pass out drunk off night skies
And lying on hills with wet grass below and blue black above-
I will carry all the weights tonight
'cause i keep remembering the day that you said you might go crazy
If you spent one more minute with me and i just don't know-
Is one more minute going to kill you now?
Stop before i say too much-
So now i've been alone and it's been going but tomorrow might not come
If i don't let it so don't forget the mornings that we spent deep inside out heads
Staring at blank walls 'cause that's what counts
And i don't know but i'm trying to let you go
But i can't cut so well these strings i have around my neck
And i'm trying to let you know that i'm doing this by myself-
So don't forget we sent letters to ourselves without words
And it was just to remember those days that we spent in our heads.
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2. _ Handsome Boy
I said, "that boy's handsome"
And a little bit of me wanted to be beautiful-
Carrie said, "it's hard to look in the mirror these days when everyone has everything you'd rather be."
There's just something about his smile he looks so nice,
I wish i had friends like that
They'd always be there for me, i wouldn't look bad
They wouldn't talk behind my back.
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3. _ Houses & Billboards
Remember that last friday before we left for mexico?
We kissed and nothing seemed to matter like billie holiday might sing
And it rained and everything was going to be just fine-
It was like music-
And it makes me sad to know i had gotten into something that i could not deal with
And i will sit in my room and sleep all day
And think up dreams like i am the cutest kid in school or i could be crazy and sing about memories-
Hey i remember when i sat on those steps watching the moon
Chase the sky back until the world seemed like it would explode
And i could picture going up with it
It'd be just how i'd like to go and i'd sing.
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4. _ Obsolete
Every day seems the same to me
I sit around and think about how alone i feel
Then i wind up rather enjoying loneliness because it's the comfort of being sad-
Sometimes it feels so right
And sometimes i'd like to be around no one for ten straight years
But i know this feeling can't bring me places
And i know i'm losing lots of ground
But to keep up means to get up and why does it have to be
The world keeps on changing while i just stay the same?
I feel like being down doesn't mean enough to anyone anymore
And i guess the world has made emotion obsolete
And i don't think i feel the same 'cause after all
Who says what happy really means?
Tonight i will redefine everything and tomorrow i will start in on my better days
And so each their own definition of happiness
But no one ever reaches it so i don't think i'll breathe that way
But happiness is when there's nowhere left to go
Because in that state of mind there is no state of self
So how was i supposed to know?
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5. _ Sometimes, New Jersey
I called you up to see if maybe we could hang out
And i told you i was nervous and feeling lonely
But i bit my lip and you said yes
And i thought of how beautiful the night would be
And i thought maybe we could drive around talking about your town
Or we could just stay at home and i could win over acting cool just like real romance.
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6. _ Blindfolded
So now i've made the decision
To walk behind you in the dark for the rest of my life
And i'll never show my face again
Because it's too scarred and bloody to be enough
And i don't have the right stuff-
All i have are the empty boxes to carry away your heart
And i think that tonight i will sneak into your house and i'll sing songs and wake you up
And i'll take you blindfolded dancing onto bridges
And you'll say you don't to be with me
'cause no one ever does and no one ever thinks of me that way
But i will even drive you home if you never let me forget about you
And if you promise me that i'm good enough for someone 'cause i've got to be good enough for you
And someday soon i'll get it right
And then you'll see just how good i can be
So don't ask me about forever because right now i'm feeling lost
But there's got to be some place for me because if there isn't where will i go?
Will there be some place for me and will you be waiting there for me?
If and when we get there please catch me before i crawl all the way home
But i won't stop until you do.
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7. _ Deciding
And it's not fair-why do i have to be so?
Oh i feel everything much more-
Much more than you ever will
And it's too hard when i can't even catch your eye
So i can't send you messages
And at night i dream of reasons that i can't let you go
But i don't know if it's time to crack through your walls so thick that i can't see past you
And last summer wasn't enough for me
And now that winter comes the cold beats harder
And no one is left alone and i'm offering you me right now-
Take me i'm yours
And i won't have it any other way
So don't let fools be carried by what i say because the night keeps looking our way
And you're not seeing what i'm missing 'cause i am missing you
And i think that we should run as fast as we can into what we don't know-
It's time to let me in because i feel just fine.
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8. _ The Choke
Don't leave yet
It's still early and i haven't even said a word
And i'm hoping that i might upset you by saying what i want to
'cause it's not like you don't know i've fallen for you
But it's in my head and that's where you can't see it
And i thought that maybe if i had to bite the tips of my fingers i could stumble over words
And tell you just how far before i hit the ground
And i'm the type to think of all the wrong things to say
And i will shut myself up and i'll never come out-
I'll close all my doors and only show you the black spots where my eyes once were-
I can say this-
I can collect myself deep down and then come out punching
And i'll scream out loud.
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9. _ Nebraska Bricks
And i grew up
On alcoholic evenings and slow jazz music to keep my heart beating
Because after all that happens in a dissolving family
The need for a song to sing me to sleep still rings true
And i always knew that there wasn't glue strong enough to sew these roots together
And now that i've wasted too many years
And i've lost track of where i started
I have to dream at night of who i was and why after twenty years of marriage
I am what is left and i'd like to go back now
And make myself up because i'd be a brick so i wouldn't feel
And i'd lift myself up and i'd throw myself at this house
To break windows and smash walls
Just to keep time where it was and where it should be.
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10. _ Collision
Three years and now i feel like completeness has set in
'cause it's something to keep time with time
And i know it's not true that i can't keep on like this
'cause i know i feel right and i don't think i miss a thing
And i remember when i heard that song sing,
"if the world doesn't understand then the world has to learn"
And maybe that's true but not everyone has to-
When ten million people all believe in the same thing how could they be wrong and what is sometimes?
There's a weight on my head but i know i feel right.
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11. _ Hot Time In Delaware
Ever think we should try to re-establish that connection that we made during last summer's days?
Maybe i should be subtle or maybe i should be more pure
But i think we should talk about what we were going through
And i wonder what it would be like if we had
Kept up that aversion and maybe kept listing
All the people that we hated
But isn't it ironic how you still have ideals and i still have nothing?
And now i'm hoping that you'll change so we can see straight some day.
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12. _ Three Miles Down
Oh great
Here i go again i'm stuck in this rut
And i'm not sure how to begin- should i tell you everything?
I'm feeling out of luck so i won't see you soon
'cause i know it's too soon for you to see me-
If this is the last thing you do just tell me that it's o.k. for me to have these feelings for you
And that it's normal to want to call you.
Oh i'm dialing the phone and i'm letting it ring for hours and i'm pretending to hear your voice-
Why does my heart always beat before yours does?
After a while you can make yourself believe in almost anything,
So i'm making myself believe in you.
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13. _ Always Ten Feet Tall
So i said, "lets forget these days and just try to build some solid ground.
Maybe someday we could stand straight up with our faces in the wind
And scream to the world."
We were at some boating dock oh somewhere at the waterfront staring out across the channel-
A steamer blared its horn
And i wished i could say everything right like do you want to go for a ride?
I looked to your face and saw the sun reflecting off your skin and i breathed in water smells-
The skyline filled with shipping yards and factories had me dreaming of waking up-
Am i dreaming? is this really me? because i've never felt so not lonely
And if this could be real right now
Then everyday for the rest of my life i will search for moments full of you
But let's hope tomorrow won't cave in 'cause i'm looking for someone to change me
And you make me feel so tall- i always want to be this tall
'cause maybe i'll be original
And sometimes things you say just make me think in different ways so this is my way of saying
I could be the one who's dragged home at night away from all my hopeless dreams-
You and me will forge some future because we don't want to be waiting
For something right to go wrong .
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14. _ Seeing It This Way
I never thought i could watch someone come apart from the insides to outsides
But every day i see strings fall loose
And every day i see hope lost-
With all this complicated i can't even get pass the thought of thinking
And wondering whether help or understanding rings truer
And i don't know how to do anything anymore for you
But i know that you should stop this world spinning right this minute
And take a look from higher up
And then you could realize just how broken your aim really is
So why don't you ask yourself to show up sometimes?
Why don't you stand up tall and kick yourself in the mouth
To remember and to get that burn back
And scorch your stomach and bleed that passion lost
And don't forget what picked you up and don't forget to think this time.
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