The Arrogant Worms

Often on the weekend i'll jump in my car
I won't fill up the tank although i'm going far
And if somebody asks me if i'm going to a bar
I'll say i'm shopping 'cross the border in the usa
I don't go down there to buy my groceries
I respect our farmers and our factories
I don't believe that "local" means it's poor in quality
It's just our goddamn prices are too high

(if he stays away for just two days)
I'll get one hundred dollars duty-free
If it adds to more i won't claim it for
(he won't declare the products if they're in his trunk)

Although it is canada that i call home
I don't cheer for the yankees when i'm in the dome
I didn't swell with pride during the desert storm
It's just that i don't want to pay the tax
(it's just that he's too cheap to pay the tax)

(yes, it's just like this, he's a loyalist)
I'll only shop at malls that fly our flag
(and he'll tell bob rae that he just won't pay)
Unless i need my unemployment benefits
(get a job, get a job, get a job)

Now everyone is doing the same thing as me
They're doing what they can to beat the gst
They're lining up for miles at the duty-free
So i bought a jc penny's store in buffalo
(so everybody come on down to buffalo)

(cause if you stay away for just two days)
You'll get one hundred dollars duty-free
Though it's not at par it'll still go far
And it ends up in the pockets of a country man
(it ends up in the pockets of a country man)

Oh, canada.

This week!
This week only!
No money down!
No payments till spring!
No payments in spring!
No payments in summer!
No payments ever!
When?
This week!
This week only!
We pay the gst!
We pay the pst!
We pay for delivery!
We pay for everything!
How do we do it?
How do we offer these fabulous deals?

Volume!

We've got the most!
The best!
The worst!
We've got it all!
We've got everything!
Except one thing!
What's that?
We've got... no store!
No products!
So come on down!
This week!
This week only!
No parking problems!
No parking payments!
No parking lot!
You don't have to park!
You don't even have to come!
So don't come down!
Stay away!
This week!
Every week!
Every year!
No money down!
No payment ever!

That's nothing for nothing!!

Well me an' my buddies we got us some beer
And a great big bottle of rye
And boxes of ammo and guns to go with 'em
And good old charlie's glass eye
Well we looked all around so we sees all of nature
So calm and so serene
But not for long 'cause we're gonna use guns
To make furry animals scream

'cause we're goin' huntin'
We're gonna kill somethin'
I don't care what it is
Maybe a raccoon, maybe a gopher,
Maybe the neighbour's kids!
We're goin' huntin'
We're gonna kill somethin'
I don't care what it is
Maybe a raccoon, maybe a gopher,
Maybe the neighbour's kids!

Well off we go, our guns are loaded
And so's are we
We weaves through the bushes and falls on our faces
And piss on the nice trees
And then we spot something moving an' a rustle
We pump it full of lead
And smile real wide as we hear it scream
And thud as it falls down dead

'cause we're goin' huntin'
We're gonna kill somethin'
I don't care what it is
Maybe a raccoon, maybe a gopher,
Maybe the neighbour's kids!
We're goin' huntin'
We're gonna kill somethin'
I don't care what it is
Maybe a raccoon, maybe a gopher,
Maybe the neighbour's kids!

Well off we go to see what we killed
And watch the damn thing bleed
The first thing we see is a bright orange cap
And we shot down ol' charlie
But he don't to mind, he smiled all the time
He died real happy
But next time he should tell us
When he's goin' off to take a pee

'cause we're goin' huntin'
We're gonna kill somethin'
I don't care what it is
Maybe a raccoon, maybe a gopher,
Maybe the neighbour's kids!
We're goin' huntin'
We're gonna kill somethin'
I don't care what it is
Maybe a raccoon, maybe a gopher,
Maybe the neighbour's kids!

Well the sun goes down and we head back to town
And we hop in our pickup truck
Strap charlie to the hood, start up the engine
Drive it home with any luck
Well what do you know, we run into a pole
But we're all still in one piece
And we get a free ride back into town
Courtesy of the police.

'cause we're goin' huntin'
We're gonna kill somethin'
I don't care what it is
Maybe a raccoon, maybe a gopher,
Maybe the neighbour's kids!
We're goin' huntin'
We're gonna kill somethin'
I don't care what it is
Maybe a raccoon, maybe a gopher,
Maybe the neighbour's kids!

If you haven't heard of me
I wouldn't be surprised
I bet you know my relatives
Their names will never die
My mother is a saint
And my brother is a god
But all i am is jesus' brother bob

Jesus' brother bob, jesus' brother bob
A nobody relative of the son of god
If only i'd been born just a little sooner
I'd be more than the brother of god junior

I have to take the ferry
To cross the galilee
But not my brother
No not him
He walks across for free
I finally get to work
'bout a quarter after nine
Already he's turning water into wine

Jesus' brother bob, jesus' brother bob
A nobody relative of the son of god
If only i'd been born just a little sooner
I'd be more than the brother of god junior

One day when i was home
I heard a mighty r oar
There were a thousand people
Right outside the door
Help us, jesus, help us!
Came the cheering from the mob
But then they got a look at me
Oh nuts, it's only bob

Jesus' brother bob, jesus' brother bob
A nobody relative of the son of god
If only i'd been born just a little sooner
I'd be more than the brother of god junior

He died upon the cross
I thought that i was free
Finally people would get to know
Me for me
(hi bob, hi!)
This was my big chance
To finally get ahead
The next thing you know
He's rising from the dead

Jesus' brother bob, jesus' brother bob
A nobody relative of the son of god
If only i'd been born just a little sooner
I'd be more than the brother of god junior

Everybody!

Jesus' brother bob, jesus' brother bob
A nobody relative of the son of god
If only i'd been born just a little sooner
I'd be more than the brother of god junior

A-bob

I spend my days watching tv with a beer (oooh-aah, you're fat)
It seems to cause my ample belly to appear (oooh-ahh, you're fat)
Then one day my woman went and left me (did not want to sleep with a whale)
She said she found someone more manly (a body that could not fail)

So i went and i looked into the mirror (you looked like a big tub of goo)
And i dreamed of being big and strong (dreaming was the best you could do)
I thought to myself, what would i ask for? (if someone gave you a wish)
I think i'd like to look like my idol (that great big manly dish)

I want to look like arnold schwartzenegger
I don't want to big fat and big (oh no, oh no)
I want to look like arnold schwartzenegger
I want a manly physique

I put down the cheetos and went and went on a crash diet (carrots were all you ate)
Then i found my skin was turning orange (you're just a big mistake)
Then i overdosed on diet pills (too bad you did not die)
Still i want to look like my hero (that great big beefy guy)

I want to look like arnold schwartzeneggar
I don't want to big fat and big (oh no, oh no)
I want to look like arnold schwartzeneggar
I want a manly physique

So i got a weight set and some steroids (to make you big and strong)
And i worked out really really hard (but it did not last for long)
I put out my back and the steroids made me sterile (not like it mattered anyway)
And as for looking like my idol (he has one thing to say)

I don't want to look like arnold schwartzeneggar
I don't mind being fat and big (oh no, oh no)
I don't want to look like arnold schwartzeneggar
It's easier being fat and lazy

(you'll never look like arnold schwartzeneggar
You'll always be fat and big
Oh yes, oh yes
You'll never look like arnold schwartzeneggar
You are fat and ugly.)

I used to be a farmer, and i made a living fine,
I had a little stretch of land along the city line
But time went by and though i tried, the money wasn't there
And bankers came and took my land and told me "fair is fair"
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always no
"hire you now?" they'd always laugh, "we just let twenty go!"
The government, the promised me a measly little sum
But i've got too much pride to end up just another bum.
Then i thought, who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone?
I'm gonna be a pirate on the river saskatchewan!!!
(arrr! arrr! arrr! arrr! arrr!!)

Cause it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin' down the plains
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains
It's a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the jolly roger on regina's mighty shores

Well, you'd think the local farmers would know that i'm at large
But just the other day i found an unprotected barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser,
I rammed their ship and sank it and i stole their fertilizer!
A bridge outside of moosejaw spans a mighty river
Farmers cross in so much fear their stomachs are a-quiver
Cause they know that tractor jack is hiding in the bay
I'll jump the bridge and knock them cold and sail off with their hay!

Cause it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin' down the plains
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains
It's a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the jolly roger on regina's mighty shores

Well, mountie bob he chased me, he was always at my throat
He'd follow on the shoreline cause he didn't own a boat
But cutbacks were a-coming and the mountie lost his job
And now he's sailing with us, and we call him salty bob!
A swingin' sword, a skull and bones and pleasant company
I never pay my income tax and screw the gst (screw it!!)
Prince albert down to saskatoon i'm the terror of the seas
If you wanna reach the co-op, boy, you gotta get by me!

Cause it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin' down the plains
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains
It's a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the jolly roger on regina's mighty shores
Arrrr, metis! get it? matey? (hey, that's riel-ly funny! you know, louis riel?)

Well, pirate life's appealing but you just don't find it here,
I've heard that in alberta there's a band of buccaneers
They roam the athabaska and sail to fort mckay
And you're gonna loose your stetson if you have to pass their way!
Well, winter is a-comin' and a chill is in the breeze
My pirate days are over once the river starts to freeze
I'll be back in springtime but now i have to go
I hear there's lots of plundering down in new mexico!

Cause it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin' down the plains
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains
It's a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the jolly roger on regina's mighty shores

Cause it's a heave-ho, hi-ho, comin' down the plains
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains
It's a ho-hey, hi-hey farmers bar yer doors
When ya see the jolly roger on regina's mighty shores
When ya see the jolly roger on regina's mighty shores...